jigglypuff wrote:Now I'm the bad guy? FUCK YOU SIL! She's so luck she isn't in front of me because I swear, I think I would have attacked her. I'm such a loose cannon now. I can't take anymore. I told DH that this was enough. I can't take these people bringing problems to my home anymore. The lies, the manipulation, the mind games, the anger, sadness, all of it. I am fuckin' done.
A ray of hope, maybe....is that this girl (your NIL) is seeing a therapist. Why is that hope you might ask? Well, because if she shares all the crap that goes on between her mother and you, the therapist might be able to show her where the problem lies (and it's not with you).
I think it was good that you finally were able to tell SIL what an evil witch she is. Having to bottle that up inside you for so long is not healthy.
I wished I'd called her a fuckin' bitch. Maybe I wouldn't have dwelled on it for so long afterwards
I am glad that you were able to expresss your anger with SIL and the bonus of having your Dh back you up, priceless!
Wow, Jiggly. How are you feeling about it all now?
The entire discussion she wouldn't acknowledge a single thing she did to me in over a decade, but had a list of ridiculous accusations for me.
Finally I got up and said "congratulations you won't see your grandkids. You're a horrible person and a moron who can't even write a grammatically correct sentence." The feeling of saying that was quite a rush and I don't regret it.
I was also a little freaked out because I knew I'd burned that bridge. I'm guessing that's how you feel?
Highly, I know that the fall out from this will continue but in the moment you must have felt frickin awesome to let the years of pent up emotion out. I must have felt great to stop biting your dang tongue and just let it out!! For that moment, I am envious...
Oh yes! Felt even better when I knew how much it bothered her. She finally felt the shock and jabs from it just as she did me over the years. There really was no point in trying to be nice since that never got me anywhere. I figured, eff it. They don't care about my feelings and don't filter the hurtful things they say, why should I? We never really had a relationship. They never loved me so why I should I care?
jigglypuff wrote:They don't care about my feelings and don't filter the hurtful things they say, why should I? We never really had a relationship. They never loved me so why I should I care?
I SO wanted to tell my in laws what I really thought of them when they tried to get my husband to divorce me (and attempted to convince him I was mentally ill), but everyone told me NOT to do it. I regret not telling them off now, in a way, because I feel like they didn't deserve to be treated any better than they have treated me. I also really felt like they should experience what it is like to have someone say such horrible things about them!
It sounds like overall, you are happy you told her off? Is that correct? I'm interested in hearing how your perspective evolves as some time goes by. I have a feeling it will always feel validating and rewarding.
I look back now and it is so obvious that that is the only use they ever had for us. I felt very used and hurt by how very little they cared for us, then I realized that that knowledge was the most freeing thing. We didn't destroy some great relationship when we went NC. They were users and we called them on it and we have been released.
You don't grieve for the loss of what you never had and therefore could never have lost.
She "loves" you and you're always 'welcome back?' Hmmm...that passive-aggressive patronizing tone sounds oh so familiar.
Her response when being called out on it, was not an "I'm sorry," but an "I'm sorry you perceived it that way." ...among a litany of other patronizing things that did not match up with her rude and cold behaviors.
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