how to deal with 2 faced in laws any advice??????????

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, Island of Sanity, willthetruthbetold, meimei, foxmanb

Should you get along with someone who has tried to ruin your marriage for the in-laws sake?

No
10
91%
Yes
1
9%
 
Total votes : 11

how to deal with 2 faced in laws any advice??????????

Postby spcwilliamsgirl » Fri Feb 10, 2006 2:30 pm

OK, I HAVE SOME IN LAWS THAT LIKE TO TALK CRAP BEHIND YOUR BACK THEN BE ALL SWEET TO YOUR FACE AND ACT LIKE THEY "WOULD NEVER" TALK ABOUT "YOU" BUT KNOWING THEY DO I TAKE THINGS TO HEART AND THINGS HURT ME EASILY SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO TAKE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT I MEAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN TREATED LIKE THIS BY ANYONE SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO REACT MY HUSBAND JUST SHRUGS IT OFF LIKE NO BIG DEAL BUT HE HAS LIVED IT ALL HIS LIFE YOU KNOW THE LYING THE BAD TALK I AM JUST STUNNED AND DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK OR EVEN LOOK AT MY MIL WITHOUT WANTING TO KILL HER AND I HATE FEELING THIS WAY WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP BUT ONCE I HEARD ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID I HAVENT REALLY TALKED TO HER AND SHE ACTS LIKE A VICTIM LIKE SHE IS GETTING TREATED BAD ALL THE TIME AND IT IS NEVER HER FAULT WHY PEOPLE TREAT HER BAD I THINK SHE DOESNT LIKE ME CUZ I DONT TREAT HER BAD SO SHE HAS NO REASON TO HATE ME AND SO SHE FINDS THINGS TO DISLIKE ABOUT ME THAT I UM DONT DO I WISH THEY WOULD DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH SO ME AND MY HUSBAND CAN HAVE A LIFE WHERE WE DONT FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO MAKE HER HAPPY CUZ UM I DONT THINK ANYTHING WILL MAKE HER HAPPY MY HUSBAND TAKES UP FOR ME WHEN IT GETS VERY BAD BUT OTHER THEN THAT NOTHING IS DONW I CANT STAND BEING AT HER NASTY HOUSE WHERE THE DOGS ARE MORE RULERS THEN THEY ARE OH AND THE COLONY OF ROACHES HER DOGS EVEN KILLED ONE OF MINE WHEN I GOT HURT SHE TOOK MY DOG TO HER HOUSE(MY HUSBAND WAS IN BASIC TRAINING) CUZ SHE DIDNT WANT THE GIRL STAYING AT MY HOUSE TAKING CARE OF MY DOGS TO WATCH OVER HIM SO SHE TOOK HIM AND THEN HER F-ING DOGS KILLED HIM AND THAT WAS MY HUSBAND BABY YOU KNOW AND HE WAS MORE UPSET ABOUT THAT THEN ME GETTING HURT SO YOU KNOW IT HURT HIM BAD I TELL YOU THIS SHE WILL NEVER WATCH MY KIDS ALONE OR BETTER YET SHE WILL NEVER SEE THEM THERE WHEN I DO HAVE KIDS BUT BACK TO THE TOPIC(SORRY,GOT CARRIED AWAY) HOW CAN I MAKE THE HATE OF HER TALKING BAD ABOUT ME FOR NO REASON GO AWAY AND BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH HER ? I DONT WANT TO BE AROUND HER CUZ IT MAKES ME ILL AND THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT THE MORE PISSED I BECOME AND I KNOW THAT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME TO DWELL BUT I CANT SEEM TO GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD FOR 2 SECONDS THIS SITE IS GREAT PLZ ALL ADVICE IS WELCOME ANYTHING YOU CAN GIVE ME WILL HELP THANKS
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Postby Mommy2one » Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:32 pm

My MIL talks bad about me behind my back, as well. And to anyone with ears.

Try not to let it get to you, as that is what she wants. And think about the people she is talking about you to...more than likely they are nobody who you really care what think about you or if you do care what they think about you, they more than likely are considering the source when it comes from your MIL.

Sorry this is happening to you too. It isn't fun to find out that she is talking about you behind your back. What does your DH say about it?
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Postby needadvice » Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:40 pm

I've experienced my MIL talking crap about me behind my back as well.
I honestly think it has a lot to do with them being SO jealous that we are now the #1 woman in their son's lives and they just can't get over that jealousy, so they find fault with us and then try to spread the hate.

Hang in there, don't let her get in your head like that, I know it's tough,
but just know that you are NOT ALONE IN THIS!!! :x
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Postby ISHATETOOSTRONG » Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:57 pm

My MIL talks bad about me as well to anyone that would listen. She even had her own doctor advising her to take me to a psychiatirst becuase according to her I was suffering from post-partum depression. And I would dwell on it constantly. But since we've stopped talking, the issue is not so bad now. although I do really wish I could defend myself or have my side of the story heard. But that is why I come to this website.

Tell your husband that her behavior really hurts your feelings, that you need a break to put some distance between you, and that when you are ready, you will talk to her only about bs like the weather.

((((I am also sorry about the dog.)))))
Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Postby KillMySIL » Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:30 pm

You MIL has KILLER DOGS?
Why?
What the hell is going on at her home that she needs that kind of protection?
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Postby enigma » Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:39 pm

Is there a MIL out there who doesn't talk behind her DIL's back????? All of them do that! They will make up stories that never happened so that they are not alone in hating us.

I realized this was happening to me only after 3-4 months of getting married. It hurt a lot especially because in front of me she had been good. I made it a point not to say anything to anyone. Infact, when these people (to whom MIL said bad thing about me) visited or we met somewhere, i was extra nice to them and my MIL in front of them. After 2 years now, they are the ones who defend me. It drives MIL crazy!!!!!!
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Postby MILhater0522 » Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:54 am

I feel for you! I can relate to almost everything that you said! My MIL likes to talk about me behind my back and then deny everything when confronted. Her favorite words are "But I would NEVER say anything bad about you." Yeah right. Like everyone who's told me that she said something, INCLUDING my husband, is lying. It's tough, but I've been lucky enough to have the support of my husband throughout this whole ordeal. I haven't seen or spoken to my MIL in over 4 months, and I like it that way. My advice is to keep to yourself and don't speak to her. I know exactly where you're coming from, because I always take things to heart, and my husband who has dealt with her his whole life, is more apt to ignore the hurtful things she says. As long as you have the support from your husband, everything will turn out okay! Hang in there!
Megan

Visit my AVON page at http://www.youravon.com/meganwatkins
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Postby Disgusted » Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:17 pm

MILhater0522 wrote: As long as you have the support from your husband, everything will turn out okay! Hang in there!


That is VERY true, having your hubby's support makes all the difference in the world!! Unfortunately, my DH doesn't always side with me when it comes to his mother, so it has created a lot of probelms in our marriage.
Good luck.
Hell couldn't GET any worse than this.
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Postby ghostwriter » Sun Feb 12, 2006 9:42 am

enigma wrote:Is there a MIL out there who doesn't talk behind her DIL's back????? All of them do that! They will make up stories that never happened so that they are not alone in hating us.



Acutally, yes, my mom. My brother's wife is a very lucky lady. The one and only time my mom tried to say something bad about her only DIL, my sister and I jumped her bones so quick she cried. I didn't meant to make my own mother cry, but we had a good chat with my mom about talking to her DIL about the things that were bothering her and not the rest of us. So, she did, and things worked out fine. SIL told us a little while later she had a chat with my mom and things worked out. And now my mom is sending my SIL things while she is away for college, care packages, cards, letters, silly things. HAHAH. I wish my MIL was like my mom.
ghostwriter
 

Postby stuckinbatcave » Mon Feb 13, 2006 2:39 pm

Disgusted wrote:
MILhater0522 wrote: As long as you have the support from your husband, everything will turn out okay! Hang in there!


That is VERY true, having your hubby's support makes all the difference in the world!! Unfortunately, my DH doesn't always side with me when it comes to his mother, so it has created a lot of probelms in our marriage.
Good luck.


My DH dosen't always either, he will say stuff like "oh Honey, she's old and she has nothing else to talk about" I hate it when he says that.
cross me once...you know the rest
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Postby spcwilliamsgirl » Tue Feb 14, 2006 10:18 am

mY hUSBAND JUST TELLS ME THAT IS THE WAY SHE IS AND TO IGNORE IT AND I HAVE AND SHE IS PISSED CUZ I DONT CALL HER BUT WHEN SHE SEES ME SHE ACTS LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG I CANT DO THAT I TALKED TO HER 2 SATURDAYS AGO AND SHE SAID NOTHING LIKE SHE WAS MAD AT ME HUGGED ME AND EVERYTHING. I PUT ON THAT SMILE AND ACTED LIKE I GAVE A F**K BUT I REALLY DONT SHE CALLS I TELL TIMMY TO CALL HER BACK AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO LEAVE A NICE MESSAGE SHE ALWAYS LEAVES MESSAGES LIKE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU GUYS AND NO ONE EVER PICKS UP CALL ME BACK I TOLD MY HUSBAND TO CALL HER BUT I WONT AND HE DIDNT I AM SUR ESHE IS PISSED RIGHT NOW I THINK OF ALL THESE THINGS TO SAY TO HER WHEN SHE MAKES ME MAD BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT I DONT HAVE THE NERVE CUZ I AM NOT A HATFUL PERSON BUT LIKE I SAID I CANT SEE WHY SHE TALKS BAD I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT SHE IS JEALOUS HTAT SHE IS NOT #1 ANYMORE AND MY HUSBAND HAS ALREADY TOLD ME THAT I WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST NO MATTER WHAT AND THAT IF IT CAME DOWN TO IT HE WOULD CHOOSE ME OVER THEM AS FOR HTE DOG THING SHE HAS LABS THEY ARENT KILLERS BUT THEY KILLED MY DOG I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY BUT MY HUSBAND HOLDS A LOT AGAINST HER AND I MEAN A LOT BUT HE LETS IT ALL GO BUT I HAVE ACTUALLY HAVE COME TO PEACE CUZ I AM NOT LONGER LETTING IT GET TO ME I MEAN I WILL GET PISSED OFF AND SUCH BUT THEN I JUST THINK IS THIS WORTH MY TIME AND I TELL MYSELF NO,NO,NO,NO AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE I MEAN I AM A VERY HAPPY PERSON HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW THAT WILL WATCH AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO'S EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WHEN I MISS IT I AM ALMOST IN TEARS I LOVE TO LAUGH AND DO THINGS TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH I HATE MAKING PEOPLE MAD SO WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO HURT ME AND I HAVE TOLD DH IT HURTS BUT HE HAS LIVED WITH IT FOREVER AND MAYBE IF IT WAS MY MOTHER I COULD BETTER UNDERSTAND BUT SHE IS NOTHING TO ME AT ONE TIME SHE WAS VERY CLOSE TO ME BUT NOT ANYMORE I DONT CARE I DONT NEED THEM AS MY DH HAS TOLD ME IN THE PASSED BUT IT STILL DOESNT MAKE THE THINGS SHE SAY HURT ANYLESS BUT I AM WORKING AT IT AND IT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY SHE HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THEN MAKE UP LIES BUT ONE DAY I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE I HEAR WHAT SHE SAYS SO I CAN LET HER KNOW WHAT KIND OF BITCH SHE REALLY IS THANKS FOR LISTENING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER EVERYDAY *HUGGS* :P
Last edited by spcwilliamsgirl on Tue Feb 14, 2006 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby spcwilliamsgirl » Tue Feb 14, 2006 10:26 am

OH MY HUSBAND HAS IT GREAT TOO MY PARENTS ARE AWESOME THEY NEVER BUTT IN AND ALWAYS THERE TO HELP ME I HE LOVES MY FAMILY HE LOOKS AT MY DAD LIKE HS OWN CUZ HE NEER REALLY HAD HIS DAD IN HIS LIFE SO MY DAD IS LIKE KING IN HIS EYES AND TRIES TO BE LIKE HIM ALL THE TIME MY SIL AND BIL ON MY SIDE ARE LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH ONES I MEAN THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE TALKS ABOUT IS HER OWN KIDS AND THAT IS JUST TO HER OWN KIDS AND THAT IS IF HTEY HURT HER FEELINGS SO I MEAN IT ISNT LIKE SHE IS TALKING BAD I WISH I HAD MY PARENTS FOR IN LAWS AS WELL THEY ARE SOME LUCKY PEOPLE TO HAVE GOTTEN MY PARENTS FOR IN LAWS
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Postby spcwilliamsgirl » Thu Feb 16, 2006 12:58 pm

Back again...... well this time i just wanted to say hello all and hope your v-day went fine and no mishaps happened well mine didn't have much bad happen she never called until later on that night i seen the number handed it to my DH and told him i wasnt there which i was leaving to go to the store just hadnt made it out the door yet i listened for a short while and then left on my return found out it was his little brother and then his mom got on hte phone she had my BIL call and then she got on the phone he wanted me to call him back and so i did but why have your son call then get on the phone how middle school is that maybe i am overeacting but it just seems like the little things add up ya know until the next battle i will leave you with this they only make you feel bad if you let them, if you dont care what other think why do you care what they think they are normal people my mom always told me when they talk about you then they are giving someone else a break and my favorite one is kill them with kindness if you act like it doesnt bother you then they will get nothing out of it and stop so if you can do at least one of these things then you can stop hard feelings and live your life i just wish i could do it lol
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