Kissing ILs on the lips

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Kissing ILs on the lips

Postby willthetruthbetold » Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:19 am

So what do you all think:
My MIL and FIL like to kiss all family members on the lips :x They insist that anything else is not a REAL kiss.
I think it's disgusting and refuse to participate. MIL will still zoom in on me like a heat seeking missile and I turn my face away at the last minute and she plants her nasty wet slobber on my cheek. FIL is more forceful and has actually tried to grab my face to put his lips on mine! I jump away and he always makes a big deal about it. This happens every single time that we see them, and it's been decades!
DH thinks I'm being rude because he was raised with the idea that family shows their affection for each other that way and distinguishes them from non-family. It's as though it's an HONOR to let the ILs force their slobber on me.
Let me add a couple of other factors: MIL has large wet lips. She grinds her lipstick all across the other person's mouth, leaving ugly red blotches. FIL has chronic bad breath from his rotting teeth and adds some crushing bear hugs to the kisses and it prolongs the (disgusting) interaction. I seriously want to throw up afterwards, even with cheek kisses. Another thing: MIL insists that DH KISS HIS SISTER ON THE LIPS ALSO!
My FOO was content with a nice moderate hug and a dry cheek kiss.
I used to say I was catching/getting over a cold to avoid the contact until the ILs caught on. Then I tried stepping back and then going out of the room, but both of them would hunt me down for the sole purpose of kissing me.
Please let me know what you all think. Sometimes DH makes me feel like I'm some kind of Puritan. I've told him I'll never kiss either of the ILs on the mouth again, but I get crap from all of them at every visit.
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Re: Kissing ILs on the lips

Postby olivia » Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:16 am

willthetruthbetold wrote:So what do you all think:
My MIL and FIL like to kiss all family members on the lips :x They insist that anything else is not a REAL kiss.
I think it's disgusting and refuse to participate. MIL will still zoom in on me like a heat seeking missile and I turn my face away at the last minute and she plants her nasty wet slobber on my cheek. FIL is more forceful and has actually tried to grab my face to put his lips on mine! I jump away and he always makes a big deal about it. This happens every single time that we see them, and it's been decades!
DH thinks I'm being rude because he was raised with the idea that family shows their affection for each other that way and distinguishes them from non-family. It's as though it's an HONOR to let the ILs force their slobber on me.
Let me add a couple of other factors: MIL has large wet lips. She grinds her lipstick all across the other person's mouth, leaving ugly red blotches. FIL has chronic bad breath from his rotting teeth and adds some crushing bear hugs to the kisses and it prolongs the (disgusting) interaction. I seriously want to throw up afterwards, even with cheek kisses. Another thing: MIL insists that DH KISS HIS SISTER ON THE LIPS ALSO!
My FOO was content with a nice moderate hug and a dry cheek kiss.
I used to say I was catching/getting over a cold to avoid the contact until the ILs caught on. Then I tried stepping back and then going out of the room, but both of them would hunt me down for the sole purpose of kissing me.
Please let me know what you all think. Sometimes DH makes me feel like I'm some kind of Puritan. I've told him I'll never kiss either of the ILs on the mouth again, but I get crap from all of them at every visit.
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Postby olivia » Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:23 am

WOOPS, sorry about that last post. I was trying to quote! :lol: Anyway, that sounds horrific! There’s no way l’d kiss my in-laws on the lips. As far as l’m concerned kissing on the lips is an intimate thing and they should respect your boundaries, because they don’t have any obviously. I wouldn’t even kiss my baby on the lips because it would make me feel funny. Kissing on the cheek and maybe a hug is grand but a big no no to lips. I think you should be strong and say to them all in a calm way that you’re not comfortable with it and you want it to stop. My MIL patted me on the arse when l was only going out with my DH and few weeks. I couldn’t look her in the face after that and had to tell my DH to sort it out, as l was totally embarrassed! He did and she certainly didn’t do it again. Maybe get your DH to talk to them. You have a right to have your boundaries respected and DH must support you in this.
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Postby ISHATETOOSTRONG » Mon Nov 12, 2007 8:33 am

EWWWW!

Get a copy of the book, What to Expect the First Year of Life.

There's a very nice question in there about kissing on the lips, that it's up to the receiver-- even in the first year of life!-- whether or not to do that, and that it's probably not the healthiest thing to do for someone you love.

That is just disgusting. And I wouldn't care what they thought or said. It wouldn't happen. In fact, not being affectionate is one of the problems my IL's have with me, so you know I'm not playing.
Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Postby bonbon01 » Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:09 am

I agree. I would just tell then that you respect them wanting to be affectionate, BUT it goes against how you were brought up and your beliefs. Just tell them that you're not a "kiss-on-the-face" type person and that you will say good-bye/hello with short hugs. I think it's really ridiculous to be honest with you....that they would hunt you down for a kiss. It's crazy that people would think that we all feel the same way about things. I like to do this so everyone must like this mentality.
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Postby LanaLee » Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:31 am

You've been dealing with this for decades and you're still having to hide when they come over to avoid their unwanted personal affection? Sounds like a true nightmare.

Why don't you just honestly tell them it's not comfortable for you...you don't do that even with your FOO, and ask they respect your feelings. Why should you, after a decade of not getting use to it, consider his feelings to be "right" when you feel it's "wrong"?

DH's annoy me with their need to keep their FOOs happy regardless of what it costs their DWs.

Your DH also needs to stop trying to keep his DM and DF happy and start asking them to back off of hunting you down. I don't think I could control the impulse to just wipe my mouth with the back of my hand when they laid one on me.

My DH doesn't kiss the SIL's on the mouth, but he calls them "Sweetheart, Baby," and other lovey-dovey names. Makes me want to vomit, and I've told him so.
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Postby Love Him Hate Them » Mon Nov 12, 2007 12:05 pm

Do you suppose you could "accidentally" stomp on MIL's foot when she tries to swap spit with you? You could "accidentally" knee FIL in the groin (really hard) and say, "Oops! I'm such a klutz! Better not get too close, you never can tell what will happen!"
I'm kidding, of course, but wouldn't it be fun? If you don't want to resort to physical violence, you could munch a few garlic cloves just before they burst in the door and let them have a face full of fumes. it works for vampires.
In situations where my MIL insists I do something completely awful and won't take no for an answer I distract her. It's ridiculously easy. I'll either ask if someone's coming in the front door and she'll go trotting off to see or I'll pretend to smell smoke or ask if my DH told her "the big news," by the time she investigates and comes up empty, she's forgotten whatever it was she wanted me to do.
I cut my MIL off six years ago and I haven't seen her for more than a few minutes since then, but distraction used to work like a charm.
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Postby willthetruthbetold » Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:52 pm

I told them I don't like being kissed on the lips from the very beginning. They conveniently seem to forget this every time they see me, and then we have to go through the entire process/argument/criticizing all over again. It would probably be comical to watch; The ILs approaching with their slobbering lips, me backing up, them grabbing me in a big squeezy hug, their lips seeking mine, me wrenching my head around like an owl to avoid them, and then FIL saying, "Give me a REAL kiss!" and me saying his cheek kiss WAS a real one! Then he starts in on the you're-not-affectionate-what's-the-matter-with-you histrionics while MIL mumbles vile criticism under her breath to DH. I think they would have stopped it long ago if they ever took anyone's feelings under consideration, but the fact that it makes me visibly uncomfortable to the point of repulsion gives them reason to use it as another weapon in their aggressive arsenal. In any event, they definitely know I do not participate in lip kissing.
I am glad that the consensus agrees with me. It IS disgusting.
Particularly watching DH kiss his sister on the lips. I cannot fully express my horror.
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Postby Jequelline » Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:01 pm

Well, since they won't listen to reason....maybe you should slip MIL the tongue......???

:lol: :lol: :lol:

YES I'm kidding!

I think that's probably the most bizarre thing I've read on this board. Have these people ever heard of:

1. boundaries
2. manners

And any of the other myriad reasons, why this is WRONG?

Look, you're an adult - and if you are uncomfortable, (who wouldn't be??), THAT is enough reason NOT to do it, in an of itself.

Good grief, your man needs to grow a spine and tell those pervs to back off!
Pain is inevitable.......but misery is optional.
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Postby Are_You_Kidding_Me? » Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:58 am

LOL--I was reading your post to DH and he was like--"Tell her to RUN!" lol That is so gross!! Your personal space is your personal space!! When you put "real" kiss, I was thinking you should not share a "real" kiss with any one other than the person you are married too...that's just way too wierd. I think you should explain to DH they are in your personal space and while that is how he was raised it was not how you--or most anyone else was raised and his family should respect that and not force you!!
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