they got greedy now they're screwed

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they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby meimei » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:30 pm

Ok my hometown where the ILs have their restaurant is officially screwed. The backbone of their economy was in a mill started over 100 years ago, and have been failing for a while now. They are officially shutting down forever. Anyways the ILs were trying to sell their business for a few years, they had some people want to buy it but they wouldn't back down on their price. The place is falling down and not worth half of what they want. One guy, a distant cousin of MIL wanted to buy it, and was agreeing to pay the ridiculous price, but they said no because they didn't want to see him succeed with "their restaurant"(they even said it, "we don't want to see him successful with OUR business"). He worked for them for slave wages in the past too and they are angry and bitter he wouldn't stay there making half the rate of minimum wage, paying them rent and them stealing his tax refunds. Yeah well he now has his own place elsewhere in a town that is NOT a ghost town. They can't sell it now even if they asked 25% of their asking price. They could have sold it before this happened (we moved out of the town 10 years ago because we knew it was going to eventually happen with the constant layoffs, etc that was happening) But they were greedy and petty and didn't want others to be happy, so they lost big time.


Also today my DM got a letter from DH's uncle (FIL's younger brother) saying how much they enjoyed spending time with my family. They also said "Meimei is a really great girl, we all love her very much" which made me and my DM and DH feel really good. Dh comes from a good family, it's just his parents and sister(and bf) who are bad.

It's interesting though, the ILs are really greedy and care about money more than anything else, FIL and another uncle(different from the one mentioned above) are the wealthiest in the family, yet they are also the unhappiest. ON days like these I think, maybe it's good Im keeping my mouth shut, I don't have to say or do anything, just step back and watch them work with the length of rope they have.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby ISHATETOOSTRONG » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:21 pm

You are doing the right thing by saying nothing. What can you really say? There's no delight in watching someone get what they deserved. It's sad and pitiful because it could have been prevented. But don't let any pity you might feel open the door to their manipulation again, either. Still protect yourself and your DH from them.
Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby Angry1 » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:28 pm

Isn't it funny how greed and competition can destroy a family? What are such people thinking? Your ILs do sound like toxic people and staying away from them seems to be the only way to deal with people like that. Good luck!
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby Love Him Hate Them » Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:20 pm

I'm sorry for the employees of the mill but I'm not a bit sorry for your in-laws.
Just watch out they don't come crying to you and your DH for a handout.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby willthetruthbetold » Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:37 pm

My first thought is that it's only time before your ILs come to you with their hands out, their pockets empty and a sad sad story on their lips. What are you planning to do and say in the event that happens? Are you willing to let them stay with you?
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby meimei » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:28 pm

willthetruthbetold wrote:My first thought is that it's only time before your ILs come to you with their hands out, their pockets empty and a sad sad story on their lips. What are you planning to do and say in the event that happens? Are you willing to let them stay with you?


Yeah I feel sorry for the mill employees too, although they were the highest paid in the country, and the company told them they were in financial trouble and offered them a final deal with the union, which the union rejected with a screw you...but anyways...

Will we take them in? HELL NO! Funny thing is DH is more firm on this than I am. I know they will come to us, but I will tell them go to SIL and her bf, who always took from them but never give(they are bums themselves so even if we helped MIL and FIL they would just use us to keep spoiling SIL and her bf) they won't get it though, they will be like "but they don't have anything..." totally NOT getting it....but that's okay, I will try to be strong and not take them in. I think the bridges are way too burned this time. I think it will be a while before they end up doing that though.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby meimei » Sat Jan 03, 2009 3:30 am

Oh the time has come, they are coming to us, "offering" us the business. MIL is even on my networking page kissing my butt with "How is my sweetheart, when will I have a grandchild, blah blah blah" She is SOo fake. She's telling DH she "misses him and how handsome she thinks he looks" Now, for the past few years she refused to have any contact with him FIL spoke to him occasionally on messenger, but never called. She is asking DH to "help her reopen the place" She is saying things like "Oh customers love you, you would be good at it etc" But she gave us the same cock and bull in 2005!
I wondered why was she sending me messages all of a sudden and found out from FIL telling DH, that their furnace blew and so the building has no heat! With winter coming on the old pipes are gonna freeze any day. They don't want to spend the money in fixing the place, but they want DH to get a loan to fix THEIR business. They have money, they are just misers who are poormouthing. I want to scream at them, tell them since they did nothing for DH but everything for SIL that SIL should help them, Remind them about how every promise they said in 2005 was a lie and that they were so mean to us, and bring up a list of done-me-wrongs they have done to us over the years....but I don't know if it's a good idea. DH doesn't want to face them, but they are getting desperate and MIL will just ramp it up and drive us nuts. She said tonight she is very sad because they have no money and can't survive retirement..(Im 99.9% sure it is a lie) But it is her sob story.

MIL also said she is fighting with FIL over money, she said she made him cry, which if true is not nice. Now FIL has a very broken relationship with DH but he cares about DH more than MIL, infact I think MIL is the main reason for the breakdown. In the family MIL was #1, SIL #2 FIL #3 and DH #4. MIL and SIL's selfish desires were more important than FIL and alot more important than DH's well being. FIL treats MIL like a queen, she doesn't treat him as good as he treats her. She complains about everything although he did his best for her. If MIL argued with anyone, FIL would automatically take her side, he is very devoted to her. But I am still angry with him for not stepping up for DH over the years and being not nice to me.

I don't know I have so many complex feelings about this. I do know one thing for sure, we're NOT going back.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby Love Him Hate Them » Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:21 am

Stay strong. Pouring good money after bad is a prime way to get yourselves in an awful financial mess. The repairs necessary to get the business up and running are expensive. It sounds like there would be few customers even if it reopened so why bother? Accepting their "offer" would be like chaining an anchor around your necks and jumping off the deck of a sinking ocean liner.
I'm guessing that your MIL and FIL come from a tradition where the eldest son is expected to support his parents in their old age and to follow their directions unquestioningly. You, as the DIL, are just there to wait on your MIL and produce sons. That may have worked a couple of hundred years ago but the world has moved on. Old expectations are hard to break and I wouldn't be surprised if your DH is feeling guilty for the situation his parents have found themselves in. He may well feel that if he does more for them they'll shower him with love and praise. That ain't gonna happen, but like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick, he'll try and try to reach that unattainable goal.
You'd probably be better off to discuss the situation with your DH strictly from a financial point of view. Then it would be a good idea for you and your DH to tell the in-laws that you've considered their request and the answer is no. Don't explain why. Don't drag up old injustices. Just tell them no.
Good luck.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby ISHATETOOSTRONG » Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:24 am

I don't know I have so many complex feelings about this. I do know one thing for sure, we're NOT going back.


It's okay to have complex feelings. However, don't make ANY decision or take any action based on your feelings. Continue to think things through logically and stick to the decision to NOT go back, to not give them money, to not sacrifice your own stability for theirs. If the worst comes, you'll be in a good position to help them. Don't volunteer to go down with their sinking ship.

I know you know this. I just want to affirm it for you. This approach does not make you a bad person. It makes you a smart person who is protecting everyone's best interests.

((((((hugs))))))
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby meimei » Sat Jan 03, 2009 1:01 pm

Thanks guys for your support!
DH and I discussed it, we will NOT be going back and helping them, it's just not going to happen. DH is already in student loan debt, debt they made him get by forcing him to go to university when he just wanted a trade, but they wanted him to become a doctor. Debt they promised to pay off for him if he returned back home in 2005, by 2006 when he asked when they will start helping him with it they said "We pay you $100 a week, pay them with that"

Anyways when it comes to talking to evil people, you don't know when you've been hit with a poison dart until much later when it finds its way to your blood. While she was poormouthing she stated the reasons why she had no money...

1)She paid for DH's ticket to see DGM on her deathbed (Actually FIL did, a 1 way ticket when MIL found out she threw a fit and didn't want to go, they were supposed to go together, but she refused and FIL stayed behind too, missing seeing his mom before she died. MIL and FIL went to the funeral and took SIL paying her round trip, SIL won't speak to them because they didn't buy a ticket for SIL's BF so it "wasn't fair" (I didn't go! plus the family HATES her bf plus it was a funeral not a shopping trip, which was the only reason she went anyway) ) But buying the 1 way ticket for DH $300 killed her financially. Her paying for SIL AND her BF to go to the family reunion (in the same city) round-trip, hotels and meals didn't hurt her financially, while not giving a single penny to DH, Same with the wedding...but in the end the 1 way ticket broke her bank.

2) Each child of DGM (FIL's DM) had to pay $3500 for DGM's funeral expenses, that made MIL go ballistic. Now she forks over THOUSANDS on her lazy ass relatives in China, who are ungrateful and only want more (SIL took after her side of the family) I know they spent atleast $20,000 on MIL's dad and $10,000 on MIL's sister in 2006, we were there so we know. DGM and DGF did so much for MIL, if it weren't for them she wouldn't have been able to come to Canada, she lived with them and they treated her well, but she was always horrible to them. DGM was the sweetest kindest lady ever and the other DIL's and sonILs agree, DGF and DGM never asked for anything from MIL and FIL. But THAT is what made MIL "poor". Not giving money to her ungrateful relatives. No wonder she made FIL cry. She won't have to worry though, I have NO PROBLEM with paying money for her funeral, infact I look forward to it! Flowers, wreaths whatever as long as she's stone cold in the box! Okay Im really bitter now.

I wonder why it takes so long for that to hit me? it's like you don't know what hit you until much later.

Argh Im so mad. She is a vicious vicious lady, and Karma is doing a good job at getting her.

In DH's culture it is customary for the eldest son to care for his parents, but it's also customary for them to take care of their son, help him financially until he is a man, treat him well because even in Confucian times, although filial piety is important, so is the rectification of names, so if parents don't behave the way good parents should, they are not really parents by name, so even back then if Parents were bad to their son he had a right to refuse to take care of them in old age, so in Chinese culture parents were good and even spoiled their son because they feared what would happen in old age. Daughters married into other families, so they traditionally didn't do as much for them as the sons.
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Re: they got greedy now they're screwed

Postby Island of Sanity » Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:38 pm

Based on what you've written in the past, I think we all knew this day was coming. Meimei, I'm proud of you & DH for not caving in. Your MIL is truly a destructive person. Does your networking site allow you to block individuals from contacting you?
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