pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, Island of Sanity, willthetruthbetold, meimei, foxmanb

pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby muratto » Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:58 pm

my mother in law is a complete liar. that's a strong word, and i wouldn't use it on just anyone who has told a fib now and again. she lies to get her way whenever and wherever she feels. i can't stand it, i feel like i'm going absolutely crazy because my husband has heard her lie just as often as i have but no matter how often she does (or how big of a lie it is) he doesn't see her as the liar that she is. she's petty, she's manipulative, and she's ruining my life. she lives with my husband and i and i feel like i'm going crazy. her manipulation of my husband has made me so depressed. i'm in therapy and all i do is rant about her, and all i hear is that i can either kick her out, which my therapist recommends for everyone's well-being, or find other things to do to take my mind of it. i just don't know how much longer i can take it. i'm sick of this woman. she can lie and steal to/from whomever she pleases and everyone still sees her as mother theresa. how do you cope with someone who's got everyone around her fooled, including your spouse?
muratto
Annoyed
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:09 am

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby ISHATETOOSTRONG » Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:57 pm

How would I deal with it? I'd kick her out and let her find another victim. That victim will understand what you've been through.

Will your DH allow you to make alternative living arrangements for her?
Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
ISHATETOOSTRONG
Nova
 
Posts: 5309
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 2:53 pm
Location: east coast

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby Island of Sanity » Thu Jul 15, 2010 6:55 pm

Why does she have to live with you?
Island of Sanity
Moderator
 
Posts: 4873
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 2:49 pm
Location: USA

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby nolongertolerating » Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:09 pm

I would be honest with your DH about how MIL is making you feel. She is not just irritating you once in a while. You said she is ruining your life. If it's really that bad, which I don't doubt that it is, then that is unacceptable. Your marriage comes first. If my MIL were living here and I felt she was ruining my life, then I would first have a talk with DH and let him deal with talking to MIL. If he won't address with her or, if he does address with her and things don't change for the better, then she would need to go live somewhere else.

I played the good DIL and tolerated a lot of crap from my in-laws thinking that if I did, things would change for the better. All it did was teach them (and DH) that it was ok to treat me the way they were treating me. I finally realized that my happiness was more important than worrying about hurting my in-laws feelings. After all, they sure didn't give a damn about MY feelings! We teach others how to treat us and, life is just too damn short.
nolongertolerating
Fuming
 
Posts: 211
Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 3:22 pm

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby troubled » Fri Jul 16, 2010 2:11 am

My MIL is the same, but I'm very lucky not to have her live with us, because I would leave my DH over it. (though I really would not want to).
I would suggest you have a quite word with your DH, you really need his support here, it makes all the difference. He needs to trust you, even if he can't see what his mum is doing.
I also would suggest you try to find a local caravan park if possible, and try to rent out a onsite van for her, that way you are not leaving her without a place to stay, but she won't be with you.
good luck to you, I don't know how you have managed to do it for this long, I know I couldn't.
troubled
Annoyed
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 6:44 am

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby veryannoyed » Fri Jul 16, 2010 2:14 pm

DH and I had this conversation a long time ago about having parents live with us when they are old. NO was the answer. They will go to a retirement home, assisted living or nursing home. Which ever we didn't have to pay a dime for. MIL anyways. My parents would get something they could afford, and we could interview good caregivers or housekeepers. We are not responsible for our parents. They had their whole life to plan for this moment. Old Age. They need to deal with their choices. My DH and I have discussed this and my parents are into being independant of their kids (me, brother and sister). They brought us into this world and we had no say in that. We are not their slaves, or bank account. PERIOD. If they are ill and poor they have government help for that. We will find the best care that they can afford. DH and I have 2 kids now and are in our 40's. We need to live our lives too. Just like they had a chance to at our age. They had kids early so we are all in our 40's...and they are in their late 60's. DH and i will be in retirement age when our kids are (maybe) in college. So we can still work now to save for that day. WE are not expecting them to take care of us when we are older. Its just respectful of them. :-) We love them and want them to live the life that we chose for them. a good one with parents who treat them good and want the best for them.
MIL's aren't always in laws...sometimes they are out-laws!
veryannoyed
Fuming
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue May 04, 2010 6:59 pm
Location: West Coast

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby i'll rise » Fri Jul 16, 2010 11:47 pm

Oh, god, how I sympathize with you, Muratto. My DH was completely in the same boat as your DH....until my MIL's hostility escalated in her completely losing control of herself in front of my DH and revealing who she really was. My DH thought the world of his mother and sister...until their sinister plots were revealed (e.g., trying to get his money/assets and finding ways to manipulate and scam it out of him). He couldn't believe how blind he was to his sister and mother's plotting. Once he saw them for who they were, it has been a painful process for him to digest the level and depths of betrayal. However, it was a long road for him to finally come to the realization and it largely took his mother blowing up and revealing herself. When I would point out to him their covert psychological games they would play towards me, he would grasp at every means for excusing it (e.g., misunderstandings, "oh, you just got off on the wrong foot together", etc)...
i'll rise
Infuriated
 
Posts: 397
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:02 am

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby muratto » Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:55 am

thank you all for the advice and understanding. my mother in law lives with us almost rent free (helps a little with bills) and babysits our son during the day while we're in school and working (we're both full time students). however, she's pretty much stopped babysitting now that it's summer and acting like she expects us to schedule our summer jobs around her day. hopefully she will be moving out soon, as no one is particularly happy with this living arrangement. fortunately for her my god-awful sister-in-law, her daughter, lives not far from here so maybe they'll move in together. if even they can stand each other, that is.
muratto
Annoyed
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:09 am

Re: pathological liar aka my mother-in-law

Postby muratto » Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:00 am

veryannoyed wrote:my parents are into being independant of their kids (me, brother and sister). They brought us into this world and we had no say in that. We are not their slaves, or bank account. PERIOD.



i agree. my parents are the same way. DH's mother, however, feels that she gave birth to a butler. she hardly has to move with my husband around, she asks him to do every little thing that enters into her mind (that she should be doing herself). she proudly brags all the time about how she blew kids' college fund on unnecessary dental work... so proud of her irresponsibility...
muratto
Annoyed
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:09 am


Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 5 guests