Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, Island of Sanity, willthetruthbetold, meimei, foxmanb

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby whydoyouhateme? » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:23 pm

I figured it out!

Lack of awareness of another person's time frames, deadlines
***MIL was late for my bridal shower, wedding, and every single other event and holiday there is.
***Took her seven months to get me addresses for the guest list for my wedding (good thing I asked for it early!)

Inability to admit wrong-doing--someone else is always to blame
***Does not see the part she's played in both failed marriages
***It was MY fault that it took so long to get the addresses for the wedding because I should have worked with her on it while we were visiting during Christmas

Severe bouts of anger
***Self-explanitory

Pride of Children
***Obsesses how SIL is so well liked and popular, especially by her friends' parents (they obviously don't know the real her. If they did, they'd see her for the spoiled brat she is)

Above average interest of social class and importance
***Built a big house in the most expensive area of the city that she cannot afford
***Takes vacations she cannot afford
***Buys things she cannot afford (vehicle, for example)

Will not understand your emotional needs
***Didn't care my DH and I wanted to be ALONE together when he first got back from Iraq
***Only cared about freezing my eggs when I had cancer. Never even acknowledged my cancer to my face
***Did not understand why I was upset that she didn't acknowledge my b-day when we were over her house celebrating SIL and FIL's b-days (our b-days are only a few days apart-- mine SHOULD have been acknowledged!)

Manipulate
***She told my DH and I that if we did not allow her to be a part of his homecoming from Iraq, we were not invited home for Christmas (my DH's favorite holiday)
***Went behind my back for various things while we were wedding planning to get what SHE wanted for MY wedding

Feels the need to control a situation she has knowldege of
***Mostly when it comes to cooking- basically if it's not homemade, it's not good enough for her to eat

Loves Photographs - Wierd that this is a trait, but that's what I found while researching
***MIL LOVES taking pictures. She is constantly snapping pictures and it's so annoying. Plus, she never develops or deletes them. Just buys more memory cards

Sets unrealistic goals
***When I met her in October 2006, MIL told me that the house would be cleaned by X-mas (can you say Hoarders?), but here it is, March 2011 and the house is even worse
***Now that FIL is out of the house, she plans on fixing it up-- not going to happen

Expectations that others will automatically go along with what they want
***Her flower ideas for my wedding
***Her ideas about how we should decorate our house
***Thinking that the ABSOLUTE first thing we should do in our new home was putting contact paper in all the cupboards because it was a health issue. When I told her that was the least of my concerns, MIL became very defensive and angry.

Hypersensitivity to criticism/defeat, reacting with rage
***Reacted with extreme rage by being "defeated" by me when DH was paying more attention to me than her when we spent a week with him before he deployed to Iraq
***Reacted with extreme rage when I was trying to "defeat" her when we didn't want her visiting the night that DH came back from Iraq

Makes you feel like a deeply flawed person
***I always watch what I say and do around her for fear of rejection
***I feel like I will never be good enough to be her DIL

Puts on a facade--often perceived as a caring and understanding person
***She has been a nurse for 30+ years
***No one else sees her for what she really is besides her close family
***MIL was told by her OWN DM what a horrible mother she is

Low stress tolerance
***This is apparent every day and accounts for her anger and rage

Lies
***Since FIL left her, MIL told him that all of his children now hate him
***Told DH and I that FIL is not going to help pay for BIL's education anymore and BIL is going to have to drop out of college. FIL told us that was completely false because the agreement was that he was going to pay for EVERYTHING and she had nothing to worry about

Moody- switches from nice to mean in a second
***Literally, this happens in almost all accounts of her rage

Fails to honor financial obligations
***She spends way too much money. I don't understand why they are not bankrupt yet, although I know for a fact that her credit is completely shot.
***Doesn't pay her bills on time, if at all - according to FIL
***Asked us for money for OUR Christmas presents because she went overboard and didn't have the money for her car payment (which goes along with the lying because it was the beginning of November and she hadn't even gotten Christmas presents yet, this goes along with lack of awareness for time frames-she does everything last minute so I'm SURE she hadn't started shopping for Christmas gifts yet in November)
***FIL said that since he left MIL, he actually has money in his pocket

Seldom expresses appreciation
***No emotion when opening Christmas or birthday gifts. She unwraps it and sets it aside. So disheartening.

There you have it!
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody -- Bill Cosby
whydoyouhateme?
Infuriated
 
Posts: 253
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:43 pm
Location: New York State

Re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby Island of Sanity » Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:57 pm

Many of the ILs we write about are probably NPDs. I'm glad you finally have an answer about your MIL. I hope you can understand now that it's her, not you. There's nothing you could have done to earn her approval because she's not capable of giving it.

whydoyouhateme? wrote:Loves Photographs - Wierd that this is a trait, but that's what I found while researching

How interesting! My MIL had some (but not all) of the N traits you listed, including this one. I hated the way she would insist on taking my picture when I felt sick or was in a bathrobe instead of decently dressed. Then she mailed copies to all her friends, neighbors, and relations. Thank goodness there were no digital cameras or email in those days. Otherwise those pictures would be all over the Internet. And when she wasn't taking pictures with her own camera, she was writing me letters complaining that I wasn't sending her enough photos. I honestly think she loved photos of my kids more than she loved the kids themselves.
Island of Sanity
Moderator
 
Posts: 4873
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 2:49 pm
Location: USA

Re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby RuthieK1968 » Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:51 am

My MIL and DH's sister (GSIL) are both NPD. Plus, MIL is also DPD (dependent personality disorder). She is on her 4th husband. When her 3rd husband left her for his current wife (every one of her husbands, including her current one, have left her for other women), she told DH and me that she couldn't live without a man. That is when I lost what little respect I had for her.

MIL and GSIL both have most of the NPD traits that you listed. But then again, so does my own mother. As does DH's father. We're surrounded by N's. :roll:
RuthieK1968
Enraged
 
Posts: 646
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 8:37 am
Location: Georgia

Re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby i'll rise » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:06 pm

This is classic re: my ILs (though MIL is sociopathic also)....

Lack of awareness of another person's time frames, deadlines

This was typical BIL as well as MIL....he didn't care about me and DH's family or work schedules - everything centred around him, and he expected DH to jump when he said.

Inability to admit wrong-doing--someone else is always to blame

This was totally MIL, BIL and SIL. After MIL attacked me and DH, she refused to apologize and BIL kept blaming us for the destroyed relationship.

Severe bouts of anger

I remember one time when I was staying at MIL and BIL's house, being woken in bed later in the evening to hear a pounding sound on the walls. It felt like the house had shaken. I got up and heard BIL verbally attacking MIL about a late payment on a credit card bill. He was just seething....it was scary listening to his attack on MIL (and he was the one pounding on the walls while I could hear him talk through gritted teeth.... MIL is no better (that's who he learned it from)....she's a vicious brute -loved making a spectacle in public, screaming at DH..

Pride of Children

MIL is obsessed with GSIL (and GSIL's DD). They both walk on water in MIL's eyes.

Above average interest of social class and importance

They don't seem to care about this...but they are incredibly obsessed with money and lots of it (especially for SIL and her brood). Money means everything to them.

Will not understand your emotional needs

All of them could care less about other people's needs or feelings.

Manipulate

MIL is the queen of this.

Feels the need to control a situation she has knowldege of

Absolutely MIL to a tee.

Loves Photographs - Wierd that this is a trait, but that's what I found while researching

MIL loved taking photos of GSIL's DD.

Sets unrealistic goals

They have none except for scheming to find ways to acquire more money.

Expectations that others will automatically go along with what they want

BIL and MIL to a tee.

Hypersensitivity to criticism/defeat, reacting with rage

BIL to a tee.

Makes you feel like a deeply flawed person

SIL and MIL try to do this by trashing people.

Puts on a facade--often perceived as a caring and understanding person

MIL and BIL do this quite well. SIL tries to put on a facade but she's not that bright, so the mask easily slips.

Low stress tolerance

BIL can't cope.

Lies

MIL, BIL and SIL could write a how-to-manual on this one.

Moody- switches from nice to mean in a second

MIL to a tee.

Fails to honor financial obligations

This is totally BIL ....he was prepared to swindle everyone in this family...including dear old MIL and GSIL (not to mention my DH).

Seldom expresses appreciation

None of them ever did....it was just all about them and gimme, gimme....
i'll rise
Infuriated
 
Posts: 397
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:02 am

Re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby HatinOnEm » Thu Mar 31, 2011 3:39 am

I Have So Much In Common With You Guys, I Don't Even Need To Change All The Words!

Lack of awareness of another person's time frames, deadlines

This is MIL & GSIL to a tee. Late to everything DH & I plan, and rush everything along when they show up. But call, text, and email us continuously to make sure we're on time for their functions.

Inability to admit wrong-doing--someone else is always to blame

MIL has always blamed me for the hatred we have for each other. She was a snob to me the first day I met her, I tried for over a year to get to know and befriend her, but she always excluded me and made me feel like I wasn't good enough. So I began treating her the same way and we've been at this for over 10 years.

Severe bouts of anger

When I was pregnant MIL was so depressed because she always wanted GSIL to have the first grandbaby. She made the rudest comments to DH & I throughout my whole pregnancy, and when I was 9 months preggo she made the comment that my DD's name was ugly and I should change it before the birth. That completely set me of! She made the comment over the speaker phone while talking to DH, and when they got off the phone I was a hormonal,emotional wreck(just thinking about that comment and all of the other things she had been doing). DH called his DM back to ask her what her problem was, and she started screaming and crying. I heard her telling DH that I'm the one with the problem and I need to tell her to her face and she hung up. About an hour later my 80 year old grandma (who barely knows MIL) called to tell me that MIL came to her house,crying hysterically and asking why DH & I didn't love her.- What A Fruitcake!

Pride of Children

MIL is obsessed with GSIL (and GSIL's DD). They both walk on water in MIL's eyes.

Above average interest of social class and importance

They don't seem to care about this...but they are incredibly obsessed with money and lots of it (especially for SIL and her brood). Money means everything to them.

All of them could care less about other people's needs or feelings, just thier own.

Manipulative and Competitive.

MIL and GSIL are the queens of this.

Feels the need to control a situation they have the least bit of knowldege of.


Loves Photographs - Wierd that this is a trait, but that's what I found while researching

MIL loves taking photos of GSIL's DD. Also carries a photo album full of pics of GSIL's DD and displays them in her house, and all over Facebook and emails. But none of my DD.

Sets unrealistic goals

Scheme to find ways to acquire more money.

Always talk about how their going to retire, buy an RV, and travel the world. (I hope they do)!


Expectations that others will automatically go along with what they want

GSIL & MIL to a tee.

Hypersensitivity to criticism/defeat, reacting with rage

GSIL & MIL to a tee.

Makes you feel like a deeply flawed person

GSIL and MIL to a tee.

Puts on a facade--often perceived as a caring and understanding person

MIL,GSIL & FIL do this quite well. GSIL tries to put on a facade but she's not that bright, so the mask easily slips.

Low stress tolerance

GSIL is a spazz...

Lies

MIL,FIL, BIL 1,BIL 2 and GSIL could write a how-to-manual on this one.

Moody- switches from nice to mean in a second

MIL,FIL,GSIL..yep,yep!

Fails to honor financial obligations

All of my IL's pay their financial obligations for fear that someone will find out their behind on bills.

Seldom expresses appreciation

None of them have ever shown any appreciation towards DH,DD & I.

It's always been about Fabulous GSIL and her FOO

BIL 1- The felon,wife beater who can't get a job so the PIL's pay his $700 a month motrgage.

BIL 2- Who just got busted selling meth and is getting ready to be shipped to the army because PIL's got him out of jail. They brag about him going to the army like he's already won a war. Pretty sad a meth head like him protecting our country.

Little SIL- Who is 14,hates the world,pretends to be gay (because everyone else is doing it). The only time this girl is allowed out of the house is to stay weekends with GSIL to play mommy to GSIL's DD.
HatinOnEm
Fuming
 
Posts: 107
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:55 pm

Re: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Postby willthetruthbetold » Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:40 am

If you open a dictionary to the page where "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" is found, you will see a picture of my MIL. She is the exact personification, possibly created to illustrate the horrible disorder to the world. There have been newer models, but I think she was one of the earliest examples.
I cringe when I read all of your stories. Ouch!
willthetruthbetold
Moderator
 
Posts: 3454
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:33 am


Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests