Search found 364 matches

by bsfighter1
Sun Mar 25, 2018 8:47 am
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: I thought DH’s NC would be great, but . . .
Replies: 5
Views: 2645

Re: I thought DH’s NC would be great, but . . .

I understand your pain and resentment. Why is it that when the crap is happening to us people turn a blind eye, but when the same thing is happening to a valued ‘family’ member, they are the ones who are validated? For example, I kind of went through this too, though not with DH specifically, but hi...
by bsfighter1
Fri Mar 23, 2018 3:16 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Should I send it or not?
Replies: 6
Views: 2910

Re: Should I send it or not?

Sorry you’re going through this. I hear what everyone’s saying. I actually did stand up to my ILs after years of torment, instead of keeping it to myself, and it was freeing. I’m not saying you should, but it all depends on your gut instincts and what you will be getting out of it for your healing. ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 21, 2018 8:22 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Conversation Never Ends
Replies: 12
Views: 4709

Re: Conversation Never Ends

So sorry :( you can talk to her but don’t expect anything. I’ve learned the hard way that you can talk forever, but until that person is willing to actually listen to what you’re saying it won’t sink in. I hope for your sake it will sink into your sister but please guard your heart so you are not fu...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 21, 2018 12:06 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: FFIL: What was this about?
Replies: 8
Views: 3676

Re: FFIL: What was this about?

Couldn’t have given better advice. On first glance, your post made me think maybe FFIL could have had a change of heart, but it usually would have started with a sorry, no? And some type of acknowledgement of their fractured relationship. Red flag #1. FFIL could have notified F way in advance if he ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:37 am
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Conversation Never Ends
Replies: 12
Views: 4709

Re: Conversation Never Ends

I agree with everything said already. The more you speak about your sister’s intrusive behaviour into your life, the more I get goosebumps. This seems more like a power and control dynamic more than a family member who has your best interests at heart. Could she be jealous of you perhaps for having ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:13 am
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: I rather go for a walk in the rain-no umbrella.
Replies: 9
Views: 4180

Re: I rather go for a walk in the rain-no umbrella.

Welcome Chela. I don’t have any stories as detailed as the others. It was just that something clicked in me one day that I’m not obligated to expose myself to poor treatment from others who had a problem with me for whatever reason, and weren’t afraid to act on it and cause me pain. When I cut them ...
by bsfighter1
Fri Mar 16, 2018 5:00 pm
Forum: Non-In-Laws Talk
Topic: Invalidation sucks!
Replies: 10
Views: 5429

Re: Invalidation sucks!

@Jiggy- I’ve stayed with DuH only because at the end of the day he did finally stand by me when it came to the ILs, although a wonky stance because he still made it seem like the problem stemmed from me with his family, thus allowing the ILs to continue to use me as a scapegoat for their family dysf...
by bsfighter1
Fri Mar 16, 2018 4:36 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Ugh, again?
Replies: 7
Views: 3345

Re: Ugh, again?

Does your DH somehow want to spend time with his father and just not telling you about it? Sorry, Don’t remember the whole story. The reason I ask is because I notice that with mine it doesn’t matter how badly they treated me (and him) and how disappointed and upset he is with his brothers and fathe...
by bsfighter1
Thu Mar 15, 2018 8:27 am
Forum: Non-In-Laws Talk
Topic: Invalidation sucks!
Replies: 10
Views: 5429

Re: Invalidation sucks!

Melody, I’m so happy you have a partner who validates you in general. My partner’s invalidation is far reaching and many times it either makes me go crazy and triggers a fight or makes me start invalidating myself, like I’m insane for feeling that way or something... it’s very insidious. Another cla...
by bsfighter1
Thu Mar 15, 2018 8:00 am
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Love Bombing Has Begun Due to DH's New Job
Replies: 15
Views: 6619

Re: Love Bombing Has Begun Due to DH's New Job

Don’t have much advice to give besides what everyone has said already. Funny they choose to acknowledge a supervisory role. Years ago when DH got a promotion to Director in his field and shared it with exfil, even stepmonster il congratulated him. This from a woman who sometimes used derogatory word...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 14, 2018 5:17 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: The Dreaded Mothers Day
Replies: 8
Views: 3564

Re: The Dreaded Mothers Day

I call these people family meddlers. Their goal is NOT to bring about genuine peace. If it were, they would go to the abuser and seriously question them on what they might have done to get family to cut them off. They wouldn’t be so easily fooled by the “I don’t know... so-and-so is just being mean ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:55 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: Another Dear Prudence
Replies: 3
Views: 2268

Re: Another Dear Prudence

Yikes! Sometimes these stories are just so outrageous that you can’t believe they’re actually real. Reminds me of the time I was baptizing my first child and got him his baptism outfit and later found out that exfil was causing drama behind DH’s and my back and making us out to be the villains with ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:29 pm
Forum: In-Laws Talk
Topic: 5th Year Anniversary
Replies: 6
Views: 2826

Re: 5th Year Anniversary

Happy Anniversary! It's clearly been a hard-fought one, but at the end of the tunnel has been a light shining onto your inner strength and self-respect. Keep standing strong! We've all got your back! So excited for your anniversary :) Thanks Yacky. Going through some hard realizations about H now, ...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:21 pm
Forum: Non-In-Laws Talk
Topic: Invalidation sucks!
Replies: 10
Views: 5429

Re: Invalidation sucks!

At least my DH was smart enough to keep his mouth shut the majority of the time we got into an issue over the ILs. I think he tried his best keeping the beast within me by doing so. There were times I could tell he was afraid of dealing with my wrath and possibly pushing a divorce between us so he'...
by bsfighter1
Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:18 pm
Forum: Non-In-Laws Talk
Topic: Invalidation sucks!
Replies: 10
Views: 5429

Re: Invalidation sucks!

I don't have any advice, but I'm so annoyed for you! Very, very frustrating! The only thing I can say is that you point out to your H that many people work full time and still have the ability to behave like civilized adults. Working 40+ hours a week is no excuse to be an asshole. Thank you mamaram...