To Confront or Not to Confront?

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To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Tue Feb 06, 2018 5:03 pm

My dear friend is going through a horrible divorce. She has two almost adult children (almost 18 and 20) and one about to go through a Bat Mizvah (for those of you who are unfamiliar is a 13 year old girl's big adult Jewish ceremony and party - some are as elaborate as weddings).

Her soon to be @ss of a husband now has a girlfriend whom they share an s&m fetish. My friend will have her table (I'm guessing I'll be at it) and her husband may invite this woman to sit at his - who I guess I'll call "Kelly". She's a waitress who quit her job to "service" said soon to be ex. Talk about awkward!

So my question is, would anything be gained if I confronted "Kelly" in the ladies room? I'm trying to resolve this mentally before the date. Would it be a plus or a minus to my friend? I'm not a violent person, but I mean really, what kind of skank "dates" a married man with kids? She's just the nearest warm body and at best a rebound. Telling her she's a dipshit/loser would probably fall on deaf ears? (BTW, my friend's second child REFUSES to have ANYTHING to do with the skank or even his father). Of course I'll be there for my friend and my hubby adores her too. Thoughts?
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby jigglypuff » Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:22 pm

Confronting Kelly could get really ugly. I would strongly suggest against it. Besides, confronting her isn't going to do anything positive. It will likely only cause more chaos between your friend and her ex H. Although I'm against confronting kelly, passing her a few dirty looks wouldn't hurt :twisted:

Look at it this way, yes your friend is hurting but she's now free from her scuzzball husband. He and kelly deserve each other and I doubt they'll be together for long. He sounds like the type who will always end up in a broken relationship. Your friend is better off. Hope she finds a good man who treasures her and her children.

Hope you all manage to have a good time at the Bat Mitzvah regardless of the drama that's going on.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:26 am

Jigglypuff - of course you're right! I don't know why its so difficult to be objective and impartial when it is personal. Meanwhile I met my friend when I was going through something similar myself! But in my case my children were so young (newborn and 2 year old) my attorney used trying to keep that skank away as leverage to get my case moving. But it pisses me off that my friend's ex keeps trying to shove Kelly in her face.

BTW, I have NOTHING against any of my ex's MANY girlfriends going forward - as long as they treated my children well - (they are not KNOWINGLY dating married men!) - and even became friends with two after they figured out the deal.

So I think you're VERY right about Kelly and Scuzzball, lol. My ex actually asked me to help get a restraining order against his skank the second we were divorced. (Apparently a "stalker"). And as my DH puts it, the ex now looks really pathetic as the perpetual single 50 year old sitting at the bar. DH calls him "the Bow Flex Man - EXCEPT he's not living the dream and doesn't belong to a band", ROFLMAO! Even my 17 year old makes me and DH laugh when he talks about time frames of "six of my father's girlfriends ago" or such.
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby mamarama » Thu Feb 08, 2018 2:12 pm

I know you want to have your friend’s back, but I’d stay out of this one. The best thing you can do is lend a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:28 pm

I've tried and I think I've been that support system for her. She sure as heck made it easy when she payed it forward when she met me!

I just can't help but be shocked. My friend is smart, beautiful, well-educated and has a personality that everyone who meets her says she's so pleasant. (Aren't I lucky to know her!). So how can this worthless skank think that she's going to get better treatment from her "boyfriend" then he gave to the mother of his children? What a foolish stupid stupid woman.

And of course you're also right mamarama - the drama is already mounting. Soon to be ex is now demanding certain people to be seated at his table. This includes a brother he isn't speaking to, a brother who blatantly took my friend's side and has become a stable father figure to there kids, and a family who met my friend's family at my and DH's wedding. (I sat them together because I thought they'd click and they more than did that!). AWKWARD!!!!
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:45 pm

I'd probably let the opportunity slide too, but I can see the appeal of dropping her a word or two.
Melody wrote: So how can this worthless skank think that she's going to get better treatment from her "boyfriend" then he gave to the mother of his children? What a foolish stupid stupid woman.

The only thing I'd say to her if I got the chance would be a knowing and sympathetic, "Good luck." That's all. If she asks you to explain yourself, I'd add a sad-for-her head shake, like you know her future with her loser is very bleak and SHE is the one that gets to deal with it [just as she deserves.]
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Sun Feb 11, 2018 1:38 pm

I never told my friend I was thinking about this. But we talked this morning and she is actually thankful they think that they are happy together. It makes him a lot less of a PITA to have to deal with.

Ruby - I like the way you think :). I can't imagine they won't get what they deserve.
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Feb 12, 2018 3:26 pm

Melody wrote:we talked this morning and she is actually thankful they think that they are happy together. It makes him a lot less of a PITA to have to deal with.

I can see your friend's POV. It's hard to be sort of happy for someone who has wronged you but sometimes their happiness is better for you too.

I just revealed to my DH the other day that I had been spying on my ILs. I gave him the news that EBIL, the only person in the world DH hates, is sitting pretty with an older sugar mama who has replaced his late mother and is taking care of him. It made DH angry that EBIL finally got what he's always wanted: the permission to not work and to have someone who will pay his bills, do chores for him, etc.

DH lashed out at me. He said I shouldn't be spying and it only made me feel worse, but I stopped him and explained that it made me feel better to know that the ILs have moved on and are acting totally true-to-form. If EBIL is content and has something to lose if he were to try to cause us any trouble, maybe he will just forget all about us and not try to get the revenge he threatened.

I felt relieved when I looked at it that way, although I admit it was a surprise. :wink:
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby itisallmyfault » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:40 pm

I'm very sorry for your friend. That sounds like a nightmare come true.

Are your friend's children sitting at her table? If they are, that's gonna throw a shady look on her husband already. Even more so, if he is bringing Kelly (have a hard time believing any woman would put herself in such an uncomfortable position). Husband can ask for certain friends to be seated at his table all he wants - so they will experience his excellent behaviour first hand (irony).

If I were you, I'd stay out of it. Don't risk your friend's good reputation by causing drama. Although I quite enjoy the thought of wishing Kelly good luck. She'll definitely need it sooner or later. If you'd like to quicken things up, hide some lingerie or some condoms in husbands suit. Leave traces of lipstick on his jacket. Okay, this is me getting carried way too far. :shock: :? :? I better go to bed, good night guys.
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:58 am

@Ruby - aww! Sorry he made you feel bad! Some people live to be sneaky - so you have to keep on top. By nature of my job I do (recruiting) have to snoop a little and if I don't like what I see, I drop the persuit. I'm also a big volunteer and an independent contractor, so digital presence is important. And when you google yourself I'm sure that the ILs pop up too (especially if you share a last name). So NO its not "spying" its MANAGING YOUR OWN DIGITAL PRESENCE! (And damage control after finding out what crap they've gotten in trouble for).

@Itsallmyfault - you're funny! Nah, I don't think I'd even bother - this "relationship" is going to blow up on its own. But your suggestion is hilarious. As for the kids- I'm actually not sure! I know enough of friend's friends and family that I'm happy to move if any of the kids don't "have a seat" or just want to sit down. Not so sure about the daughters but NO WAY that son agreed to sit at dad's table.
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby itisallmyfault » Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:27 pm

Oh my, I have definitely found my match. Worried about my mean suggestion, I told fiance about this post. He suggested you welcome Kelly by saying "You must be Megan. I have heard so much about you already. So nice to finally meet you."

Maybe I should spend less time online and do something for my Karma instead. :mrgreen:
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby mamarama » Fri Feb 23, 2018 1:58 pm

itisallmyfault wrote:Oh my, I have definitely found my match. Worried about my mean suggestion, I told fiance about this post. He suggested you welcome Kelly by saying "You must be Megan. I have heard so much about you already. So nice to finally meet you."


Oh geez that's awesomely hilarious! That's my kind of sense of humor right there! The biggest of high-fives to your H 8) Please do what IAMF's H suggested. And then come back here and fill us in on all the gory details :D
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Sun Feb 25, 2018 9:46 am

@Itsallmyfault - That IS hilarious! My only hesitation is I don't want to create drama at friend's YDD's big event. (Or hinder my friend's moving things forward for herself by having her ex be a bigger speed bump!). That is awesome though and for all I know if ex and Kelly ARE having OTHER issues then there could very well be a Megan!

@Mamarama - Will do. Although at this point I'm now getting the feeling that soon to be ex MIL and to a lesser extent FIL are becoming "embarassed" about the affair and THEIR "reputation in the community" and may pressure soon to be ex out of inviting Kelly.
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Re: To Confront or Not to Confront?

Postby Melody » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:16 pm

UPDATE: The event was absolutely wonderful and went off without a hitch. I've heard this Rabi speak a number of times, but never had he said something so profound about a Bar/Bat Mizvah Boy/Girl. He announced that she'd make a wonderful Rabi and encouraged her to consider it, but knew she'll be successful in whatever career she chooses (How cool is that?).

I'm not sure if soon to be ex wised up or was pressured by his family, but Kelly wasn't there. (Maybe they broke up, hee hee).

My friend and ex-DH had separate head tables at the reception. I and my DH were at my friend's overcrowded table, along with a number of her other friends. Ex-DH's table consisted of his brothers and a few friends - at least two of which were team friend (including of his brothers), lol.

At the candle lighting ceremony, when ex-DH got up, there was polite clapping. When my friend got up (and she looked STUNNING!) there was a standing ovation in the reception room. :)
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