Odd Neighbor Advice

Talk about anything and everything not related to the in-laws

Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei

Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby SonOutLaw » Sun Mar 03, 2019 2:17 pm

We'll call him Todd. Todd moved in about 3 years ago, before that the hood was pretty great. We were surrounded by neighbors who took care of their house and lawn, would wave/speak when we're all outside and made our street a community. Todd does none of these things. Todd and his wife live separate lives (we've never seen the wife outside, only coming and going). Todd and his wife have a daughter. The daughter lives mostly with the grandparents despite Todd having a big 4 bedroom house. Most of the house is full of animals (roughly 6 cats and dogs) where thd dogs are left in the backyard for hours to fight/bark.

Now, when Todd moved in I used my 3 strikes rule to onboarding neighbors. I walked over to greet him while he was out in his driveway and struck up conversation on cars/school. Todd looked peeved (I've learned Todd's face always looks peeved). We chatted for a bit (10 min) before he pulled out his phone to start reading something...I took my queue, wished him well and walked home. My next three encounters were like the last few minutes of our conversation: 1)Speak to Todd 2)Todd looks at phone and walks away. My family waves when they drive by, Todd does not reciprocate. I stopped speaking or acknowledging Todd at this point...probably 6 months after he moved in. Still neighborly, let him use my snow shovel but keep him at arms length and do not engage in conversation. I learned Todd is a user.

Todd's daughter is another issue altogether. Due to the odd family life, she is an attention seeker. She comes over and pits my DS against one another. We've had her over to play several times, sometimes Todd won't let her cross the street to play...so we stay in our yard. Other times she comes over. Once I caught her taking a stick and putting it on my youngest DS face, just below the eye. I carefully backed her down and asked her to leave (she's 7...old enough to know better). Another time we've caught her putting neighborhood kids up to coming in our yard to try and shove a stick in the car radiator. She is undeterred. Yesterday, all the neighborhood kids were gone so she came to our house. DW told her the DSs were busy, she wanted to know why. We got rid of her but not before we caught her coming back 5 times and sneaking beside our house (electrical, cable, phone lines). Not sure what she was up to but we have suspected her of using gravel from that side of the yard to scratch our cars. Looked out the window and she was kneeling between two of our cars...set off the alarm and she ran off.

That's a pretty good summary. We're sad we don't have the community anymore but even more so that the boys have this mess for a neighbor. How would you handle it?

Our neighbors across the street (near retirement) moved out a year ago because of this same neighbor. Constant dog barking, house and yard not maintained and generally anti-social. He went right over to speak to them as they were moving...very odd guy.
SonOutLaw
Infuriated
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby Melody » Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:07 am

Sorry you're dealing with Denise the Menace. I lived next door to a troubled boy the same age as my eldest and a family like that for twenty years. The other neighbors would often ask me how I could deal with it. And I would never say anything bad because they NEVER anything but polite and friendly to me.

I know this sounds mean, but speaking from experience I would turn down playdates with her and just not invite her over. Just not be available. And on a level it Is mean because you know that she's not the source of the problem. She's being neglected, but its not your job to adopt her either. Although you have children of your own to take care of and they are probably not happy with her company. And she might be abusing the animals she lives with, which is why they are barking. (Fast forward our neighbor boy barely graduated high school and was ALWAYS getting suspended).

I think you are doing exactly what you should, and would continue to be casually friendly and wave at the neighbor. The previous owners of my house were all but driven out when they called various authorities on my neighbors. If there was something going on warranting a police call, I always called my neighbor FIRST to find out if I should call (and it WASN'T THEM!) it was a good reason to call.

What I'm saying is that at minimum you DON'T want to incur their wrath.

Sneaking around on your property IS a problem though. I think my first course of action (since talking to her parents probably won't help) would be to catch her in the act and pretend you don't know who it is. For example if she is hiding in the bushes, walk out and, yell, "Who's there? Who's trespassing? I'm calling the cops!". That MIGHT deter her.

The next step would be to try the same but yell, "I have my security camera on! I'll find out who you are! Leave or I will call the cops!".

Good luck!
Melody
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1521
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby SonOutLaw » Sun Mar 10, 2019 10:44 am

Thanks Melody! Agreed on the "incurring the wrath of the neighbor" advice. The neighbor's daughter is a bit more than Dennis the Menace (ie I don't recall the episode where Dennis tried to poke Joey's eye out with a stick). :D We don't invite her over, she shows up when we're outside with the kids and invites herself to play. We limit those times to 5 to 10 min before we need to go inside. Always to her questioning our authority (this is because her parents do not enforce any boundaries). It's like we're trapped. We generally leave the house for a park or adventure on the weekend now.

The neighbor is part of a new culture that allow the kids to decide when and what to do. The daughter, on hearing our boys were going in for baths/dinner, stated that she only bathes once a week. They're very odd people. The wife almost burned the house down (fell asleep with something burning on the stove) and the fire department came. We never saw new appliances delivered or smoke/burned stuff leave the house, however, the grandparents (wife's parents) came over while they were away for the week and cleaned out their house (ie removed large items and garbage bags).
SonOutLaw
Infuriated
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby jigglypuff » Sun Mar 10, 2019 9:08 pm

Ugh, I'm all too familiar with shitty neighbors. I live in a big city so terrible neighbors is the norm. You can't escape them no matter how often you try. I don't think I know anyone who lives out here who isn't dealing with a nightmare neighbor.
I recently moved and I have a real loony next door. She's harmless enough but she does some things that really get under my skin. She will ramble aimlessly for hours if she catches me out. I try to avoid her as much as possible but for whatever reason, she lingers outside all day, just staring at her phone while her neglected dog barks at her to be let out. This goes on all day, every day. She's well aware that people perceive her as crazy yet she doesn't realize that she IS crazy. I can't wait until DH retires in a couple of years so we can move out of state to a place of solitude and quiet.

I feel for you SOL. Honestly, your neighbors sound like sociopaths with a little sociopath in the making. They are slobs who are neglectful and don't want to bother with being a parent. Poor girl would be better off being raised by a pack of wolves.

If I were you, I'd stop with the pleasantries when it comes to this neighbor. They obviously don't care and don't want to be friends with you. Being overly polite or friendly will make them think you're a pushover and they'll test your boundaries.

I think being direct with the little girl is best. Tell her she needs to go home and if she's going to continue acting up, she can't remain on your property or you'll call the cops or cps (which you probably should anyway because I'm sure that kid is being severely neglected/abused). I think you should have a polite chat with her parents about keeping her off your property. Also, keep footage of her around your property on security cameras just in case you may one day need it as evidence.

Sorry this is happening. I know how a bad neighbor can disrupt and make life hell for everyone in the neighborhood. Hopefully something will occur that will make those weirdos move out sometime soon.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
jigglypuff
Nuclear
 
Posts: 2241
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby Melody » Mon Mar 11, 2019 8:42 am

Jiggly has some great points, SO I think it depends on the neighborhood you live in, the town rules, and if its possible you have anonymity. I've worked in one of the biggest cities but live in little suburban haven. I gave the advice I did because with five surrounding neighbors, our issue neighbor would KNOW who called and would make our life a living heck - especially if YOU work and they have all the time in the world to cause chaos!

You ARE taking the correct action. And I did mean Denise not Dennis the Menace - she is a total nightmare! Unfortunately, I don't see her moving anytime soon. (Our neighbors, were finally ousted after not paying taxes for 20+ years). Security cameras might be the way to go.
Melody
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1521
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby jigglypuff » Mon Mar 11, 2019 11:09 am

Unfortunately, I don't see her moving anytime soon. (Our neighbors, were finally ousted after not paying taxes for 20+ years).


They never leave do they? Every single nightmare neighbor I've had remained there for 10+ years. These psycho types hate moving! It's terrible.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
jigglypuff
Nuclear
 
Posts: 2241
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby SonOutLaw » Mon Mar 11, 2019 9:29 pm

If I were you, I'd stop with the pleasantries when it comes to this neighbor. They obviously don't care and don't want to be friends with you. Being overly polite or friendly will make them think you're a pushover and they'll test your boundaries.


This is an interesting quote and something DW and I have recently (last few years) come into realizing. For as long as I can remember, we've always "treated others as you wish to be treated." I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou, it's just the way we lived and it has not been easy. Whether it's work, school, neighbors or our church....we seem to attract every single sociopath that exists. About 2 years ago, I started the 3 strikes you're out approach. After that, I don't care who you are or how long I've known you...if the behavior is not reciprocated...you're out.

We feel fairly anti-social now having CO the family on both side. It's much more peaceful but our guard is up 24/7 these days. We do run into folks like us from time to time but they tend to be just as cautious and keep to themselves. Though I'm in my 40's, I get along much better with folks in their 60's and tend to seek them out when I can.

Thanks for the advice! Much appreciated.
SonOutLaw
Infuriated
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:09 pm

Weird for sure. It is very frustrating that you can't even enjoy your own yard with your own family. While I would say to talk to the parents if they were ok but their kid was just pushy, you're right to avoid getting them po'ed. With people like that, you never know how they will react and how they will retaliate if they take offense. They just don't live under the same social rules as the rest of us, so anything could happen, and much of it could be worse than what you are experiencing now.

I understand about weird neighbors although we've been pretty lucky in our last two neighborhoods. My DH and I were just having this discussion the other night. When a new family moved in across the street the week of Christmas, we were shocked at how strange the father seemed. He was mid twenties with a huge curly ponytail and was wearing a 4 ft cape-that was attached to his beret like a veil.

He and his wife spend a lot of time smoking on the front porch because they have a small child (kindergarten) and a brand new house. Since they moved in, I have waved and said hi several times to him or his wife, but have gotten no response other than them putting out their cigarettes and going inside. I'm not pushy so I leave them alone.

I looked out the window when my dog barked a few days ago and the man was running up the street as fast as he could, despite looking like he didn't know how. He wore no coat or cape flapping behind him. He was obviously distressed and I realized as I saw the school bus pulling up to the corner, he was late and didn't want to leave his little girl on the corner alone, waiting for him. He takes his parenting seriously, so as odd as he looks, maybe he's ok.

We had one set of our neighbors over for dinner a couple weeks ago, and they are nice, but most others are young parents and have no interest in the old retired couple...us.

I'll just do like you Sonoutlaw, and treat others as I wish to be treated until they give me a reason otherwise. Then I can ignore or politely wave as well as anyone.
rubycrownedkinglet
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1914
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 am

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby PutMILinherplace » Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:35 pm

I hate to say it but it may be wise to invest in security cameras around your home & especially one pointed at the cars . I would have one poised just enough to see someone coming from the neighbor's house . Hate to sound like a conspiracy nut but this way if she comes with a hoodie hiding her face you can show on the video that someone came from her house into your driveway.

I think I would also invest in a fenced in backyard with a lockable gate. When she comes over and asks to be let, teach the kids to say, "Sorry we are not allowed to let anyone in without our parents' permission." IF she comes to the front door you can say...and I normally dont encourage lying but, "I am sorry. The kids are being punished and not allowed to have anyone over. Goodbye and be sure to tell your parents hello." If she asks what they did, "I dont discuss things like that with children. Good bye" or make up something like that. The kids have a rash, cough, whatever.
PutMILinherplace
Enraged
 
Posts: 750
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:46 am
Location: South Carolina

Re: Odd Neighbor Advice

Postby foxmanb » Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:45 am

Co-sign on the security cameras, they aren't too expensive these days, and you can setup alarms based on motion within the frame.
foxmanb
Moderator
 
Posts: 661
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:30 am


Return to Non-In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests