Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

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electoquill86
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Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by electoquill86 » Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:40 pm

Hey all things are a bit brighter for me since the last time i posted. I start a new job on friday so i can finally tell the she beast to stick it!

Although things have been very quiet with the inlaws (no drama for once) its my foo that has been giving me trouble lately. Well more specifically my own dad. My relationship with my dad has never been what it should be, I have gone really low contact and have just plain given up on ever getting his approval. In spite of this it really hurt when I found out that my dad has been spreading rumors around the family that I have been lying about my qualifications and have in fact never graduated from university. The fact that I was the first woman in my family to get a degree has always been a source of pride for my parents (when they find opportunity to brag) but to my face they say I think I am better than them because I have a degree etc.
Now i find out from my sister that my dad has been telling everyone who would listen that i never graduated and that I am lying about having a degree. I guess this is his way of punishing me for not following the career path he picked out for me.
I have decided that i am not going to spare his feelings anymore. He is trying to take away something i worked incredibly hard for and in doing so i lost a baby and my relationship with DH nearly fell apart.
If any body asks i am going to give them a concerned look and mention i need to talk to my step mom about getting dad to the doctor for dementia screening since his memory seems to be failing him as he was at my graduation. After all the only other explanation would be he is fully aware that i have graduated and is spreading lies anyway.

Melody
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by Melody » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:42 am

Congrats on the new job!

That is weird and pretty childish. I think if I were asked (and I know a lot of people who drop out in like year three - which is so bizarre to me), I like your dementia angle, but would say something to the effect that if you were more insecure, you might send out xeroxes of your diploma with a holiday card, but you think that might be tacky. You know? And hang up your framed diploma! You earned it - apparently with some more work than others!

PutMILinherplace
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by PutMILinherplace » Thu Apr 28, 2016 8:34 am

If you are on social media I would post a ..."ok, I am really worried about my father and would appreciate some help. He is telling people I lied about graduating which is very concerning since he was at my graduation. Is anyone else noticing lapses in his memory? I am very worried and am trying to figure out how to get him some help. Is there anyone else with aging parents in this situation that can give me some advice on how to best help my father? "
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

mamarama
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by mamarama » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:05 am

My mother does the same thing, but about different stuff. It's so hurtful. She has been cut off permanently, but not because of the lying. She is very dangerous. I don't know what to tell you other than I know how much it hurts. hugs.

WatchingMyBack
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by WatchingMyBack » Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:30 pm

I'm so happy to hear you have a new job! I hope the She Beast enjoys learning the meaning of "You don't know what you've got till its gone."

Do you have photos from your graduation day (hopefully including your father?) I'd post those on any social media for starters.

Do you have any sort of relationship at all with your DF that you can confront him face to face, or at least call, and ask "Can you tell me why you are spreading this false rumor? I'd like to under what you're attempting to do."

The dementia thing is kind of passive aggressive. Put on your big girl panties and be direct. He has started down the road of no return, so by being direct, you either help him get there faster or he'll wise up and turn around before it is too late. What is the relationship you want with him?

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“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

electoquill86
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by electoquill86 » Wed Feb 15, 2017 6:33 pm

hi all
How is everyone doing?
got a bit of an update with the rumour mill situation.

My family is all well aware that I have graduated from university (twice) and I thought the matter was settled. I haven't heard from my dad in months. In fact the only reason I even know he is alive is that my sister mentions that he comes down to visit her all the time. She lives less than a 5 minute drive from my house but he can never be bothered to come to see me. Oh well his loss!

Unfortunately my dads poop stirring seems to have taken hold. No matter how many times I have explained, my sister will always ask me if I really have graduated or am I just making it up so I don't have to admit that I dropped out. She makes out that she is concerned and worried about me. The last time she asked I completely blew up at her. I told her that just because I decided that I wanted to be a teacher at 13 years old does not mean that I have to keep that career. Especially considering I had no real experience or knowledge in order to make that decision. Does the fact that I no longer wish to teach mean that my degrees are invalid? I told my sister that I was beginning to become really offended that she keeps asking me this even after I have explained several times. She accused me of looking for a reason to start a fight. Yes of course being offended at having your integrity called into question and being called an attention seeking liar is just an excuse to cause an argument.
My dad knows I love my job, even he has admitted that he has never seen me as happy and confident as when I am working. I currently work in a pub with the aim of owning my own in a year or so.
This isn't even the worst that has happened.
My grandfather has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He is currently undergoing treatment, but just after his initial diagnosis he was unsure as to whether he should even undergo treatment due to his age. Well my dad organised a family meeting to discuss it, they decided to discuss it over a meal at the pub I worked in. Only they forgot that I was also a member of the family. They told me about them having a meal and asked for my staff discount but left out the fact that an important family discussion was taking place. I was told by my sister's ex boyfriend. To say I was upset was an understatement I called out my family for their behaviour who just tried to minimise things and belittle my feelings. this was also a few days before my birthday and my dad wasn't going to be able to come see me on my birthday but apparently it was too much trouble to see me beforehand. when I pointed this out, my mom, my dad and my uncle (who involved himself until I told him to keep his nose out if he likes the shape it is) then made out like the issue was me grubbing for gifts and that I was throwing a tantrum because I wasn't going to get a gift. The issue was I was sick of finding out important family news via my sister's ex or via facebook (they "forgot" to let me know that one of my cousins passed away due to cancer, I found out on facebook, I only found out the funeral details via facebook aswell.) I just feel that I am not valued by my family at all. They expect to be able to ignore the fact that I exist until they need something, then I am supposed to drop everything to assist them and be grateful for them giving me the opportunity to be walked over by their wonderful selves.

jigglypuff
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Feb 16, 2017 3:40 am

Your family is purposely alienating you to punish you. Seems like the smear campaign your dad started worked in his favor. He has your sister and everyone else fooled. You didn't allow him to control you and now you must be punished.
Do you think your dad is a Narcissist or has some other kind of personality disorder?

My mother does stuff like this to me and my DB as well. She can only get away with small, subtle lies though. She will create a scenario where she is the victim or martyr. It's quite a skill of hers. Her toxic sisters do this as well and the 3 of them are the core of all the family drama.
My mother has been badmouthing me and smearing me since I was a toddler. I remember being a little girl and the hate for her growing in my gut while she badmouthed me to family members. My family members never cared either. Never told her that what she was saying wasn't okay.

Your father isn't the only problem in this family, your entire family is sick with the toxic bug. Within families like this, there may be a few black sheep but they're pretty helpless since the can't win out over the majority. Like many of us, you're one of the black sheep. I think it's great that you stand up for yourself but it doesn't seem to be doing you any good. They simply don't care.
I currently keep very LC with my family. Some have had health emergencies that I've known nothing about because no one will inform or contact me. I couldn't care less. I won't bother feeling for people who feel nothing for me. To hell with the lot of them.

Sorry about your cousin and your GF. That was really low of them not informing you.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

Hiddenjem
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by Hiddenjem » Thu Feb 16, 2017 9:12 am

I can't add anything to Jiggy's words of wisdom. I could written the same thing (except for me no contact is the option that is the best fit.)

Welcome to the black sheep club.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

electoquill86
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by electoquill86 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 1:33 pm

The black sheep club lol i love it!

We should get t-shirts made lol.

Hiddenjem
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Re: Rumor mill is working overtime!!!

Post by Hiddenjem » Thu Feb 16, 2017 4:22 pm

Actually, we should! Imagine the friends we could make in "local life." People might feel isolated and lack the support of a wonderful board this this one!

It would be a great conservation starter! I am inspired!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

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