The disaster of Thanksgiving

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jigglypuff
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The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:15 pm

I'm still numb from what happened yesterday... Sorry this is so long.

Regrettably, I took my DH's advice and invited my mother over for Thanksgiving. My Aunt who usually hosts had work the next day and decided to go out with her SIL and my cousin and cousin's family out to dinner. I'm not sure if my mother was invited or not but she accepted my invite and came over with my DB.

Everything was fine when they first arrived. DH and DB ended up having a conversation in the kitchen while mother sat with me to eat in the living room. That's when the jabs began. I should mention that she's suddenly Christian now and believes she knows truth, everyone else is a moron. She began telling how she believes a married woman without children is a sin. Now this one's new. She never believed that before but as a married woman who doesn't and can't have children, I asked her what verse made her form this opinion. She had no verse to offer but she insisted, it's a sin. Okay fine, whatever. She's free to believe and feel however she wants over the matter, I don't care. I let it go but it didn't stop there.

She said something like, I haven't spoken to her since she became a christian. I wanted to respond with "Well who's fault is that?" but changed the subject. At some point DH and DB join us and I ask my mother about getting remarried. So of course, she brings up the topic of religion again. My DB simply mentions two verses that he's read, mother turns to him and asks if he currently reads the bible. He says no and she then says she won't listen to him because he doesn't know what he's talking about. She said it nastily too. When I came to my DB's defense, who was extremely pissed btw, she turns to me and says I need to let it out because she knows I hate her. I told her if I hated her, she wouldn't have been invited to my home. It of course escalated from there. She lied about so many things, talked and lied about my deceased father as she always does then said that her sister is the only one who's good to her. The sister who went out to the dinner she didn't attend. So why did she come to my house if that were the case and I hate her so much??? She also tried to get into it with DH and I intervened and stopped it.

I lost it on her and purged. I threw so much back in her face, yelled at the top of my lungs and at some point, blacked out and stopped myself from hitting her with my slipper. I told her to gtfo of my house. My DB pushed her out the door and left with her. I cried a bit out of anger but no hurt, no pain, no love lost, nothing else came out of me. I actually felt better after yelling at her because it was stuff I held in for so many years. I'm still amazed at how well she lies and rewrites history. My God, it's like a talent she has, she does it so well.

There's no recovery for me after this. I want nothing to do with her, not even LC. She is dead to me, has been for years. I can't even bring myself to hate her because there are simply no feelings left at all. I suspect she came over with an agenda. Why celebrate Thanksgiving with someone she believe hates her and hasn't spoken to in months instead of having dinner with the sister she favors? Because she intended to instigate and start a problem.

I will never allow her to ruin another holiday for us again.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

Hiddenjem
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Hiddenjem » Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:35 pm

((((((Hugs))))))

It sounds like your mom showed up with the intent to cause problems and push everyone's "buttons."

The way you are feeling now sounds like a combination of shock, death of mother / daughter relationship, and I have been there.

First, the words that your mother used in the name religion were no different than her coming into your home waving around and poking all of you with swords. She knew she was upsetting everyone and gained cutting herself out of your life as a risk.

I am proud of you for letting her know that she is/ and was out of line. It had to have been very freeing to unleash the anger and hurt she caused before she was asked to leave.

I care and vividly remember how it felt when I was in your situation. My Dh kicked my mom out of the house and I was angry and hurt by her words, as you are feeling. Today, you may need to cry, feel disappointed with her and mourn the loss of hope for her as a person. She has let you down as a mom and human being .

Eventually, you may feel a sense of peace and no more wasted energy and hope for her. It will take time though.

I am proud of you. Remember, that it isn't that you are unworthy of her love. She just doesn't have that love in her heart to share. Her loss.

She blew it. ((((((Hugs))))))
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:17 pm

Thank you HJ. Just sad and sorry that you too know what it's like to have a difficult mother. Something no child should experience.

I had an interesting conversation with my Auntie today, my father's sister. She has always been very good to me and I love her dearly as I do my father's other sister as well. I told her what happened and how my mother constantly brings up my dad whenever we argue. She confessed to me that she knows about what went on between my parents. How she knew about my mother clubbing at 3am and cheating while my dad was home, sick, his body slowly failing him. She told me she also knows about what went on between my mother and her second husband. How he hit her and withheld money from her. I was surprised she knew as much as she did but I was also relieved she knew the truth of who my mother is. She told me I had to separate from my mother and not put any mind to the nonsense she speaks. She also said she believes my mother is projecting her own guilty feelings she has over my father onto my DB and I and I agreed. Most would tell me to make up with my mother because she's family. I'm so grateful my Aunt didn't say this. She supported me and validated my feelings. I thank God for her and some of my other family members who have been there for me. At least I have that.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention that I dreamt about arguing with my mother Thanksgiving morning. My DB was a child in the dream and told me our mother hurt his feelings and I comforted him. I woke up feeling strange and I believe it was a premonition of what was to come. Unfortunately, my dream was right on.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

Hiddenjem
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Hiddenjem » Fri Nov 25, 2016 6:02 pm

Thank you. The bright side of living through negative life experiences is being able to be in the place to understand what others may feel with the same situations.

It sounds like your Aunt helped to give the situation some validation and gave you needed closure. I would imagine that is was a much needed and appreciated gift.

I care and you are in my thoughts.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

JeanLouiseFinch
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by JeanLouiseFinch » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:48 am

I am sorry you had to go through that, especially on Thanksgiving. It is fortunate that you have relatives with whom you can get along (you aunt and brother.) It sounds as if you are MUCH better off without your mother in your life. I think those who ostensibly embrace religion are generally the biggest hypocrites and liars. Usually the truly religious do good acts and leave off the preaching.

I just wish your mother could attend a typical Jewish family dinner like we used to have in my house. The minute she started in on religion, she would have had her head explode from the high volume of the sound waves from all of the yelling (mostly, from my dad and uncles.) It would have been a good distraction from the usual subjects that they all yelled about (politics, kids have no respect these days, etc.) If you ever do speak to her again, you should tell her that she is lucky that at least you don't throw stuff when you are completely enraged. My family knows that when I stop yelling and look around for objects to throw, it's time to get out the door!

Next Thanksgiving, I have a suggestion. Invite your brother and a couple of other guests and make reservations at the best restaurant buffet you can. If your mother hints that she wants to come, just ignore it or tell her that the thing you will be most thankful for it her absence.

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:25 pm

Thank you ladies.
I think those who ostensibly embrace religion are generally the biggest hypocrites and liars. Usually the truly religious do good acts and leave off the preaching.
I couldn't agree more.

My DB told me that on Thanksgiving night, my mother went over her favored sister's house (she lives next door) for a while then came back home with a big grin on her face. DB and I know she went over there and lied about everything. She even told my DB "I hope Jiggly didn't set me up in a trap". That's because SHE had that agenda in mind and projected it as if I were doing it to her. She was attacking me the entire night then went after my DB. Even my DH was there, witnessing everything and he also came to my DB's defense. How could I have set her up when it was DH's suggestion to invite her?

Her favored sister is also BPD and they both plot and scheme against others together. My mother manipulates her and riles her up against other family members, mainly me and DB. So I wouldn't be surprised if my Aunt is now holding some sort of vendetta against us. She's been talking about and making jabs at my DB for over a year now and I know it's because my mother is lying to make him look bad.

Doesn't the Bible say not to bear false witness? I guess my mother overlooked that verse along with many others. Anything to suit her own diabolical needs.

EDIT: I should also add that we don't think my Aunt ever invited my mother out to dinner with her and the family. My Mother had told my DB that she was going to be home, cooking dinner for herself Thanksgiving night. And this is the family member she schemes with, protects and throws us under a bus for.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

mamarama
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by mamarama » Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:28 am

Gheesh. How horrible! Sorry you had to deal with that. And all you were trying to do was welcome her into your home to share a meal at Thanksgiving. smh. No good deed goes unpunished. And I'm sure that's why she didn't go out with your aunt; your aunt knew better than to invite her.

As awful as she is, I feel sorry for her in a way. If she had truly found God like she believes she has, she would not have behaved that way.

Last week my flying-monkey sister and I were talking about people who outwardly claim to be Christians all the while commit the biggest sins and offenses. I seem to see that trait in a lot of narcissists, because, you know, they've always got a public image to maintain. :roll:

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Tue Nov 29, 2016 1:55 am

As awful as she is, I feel sorry for her in a way. If she had truly found God like she believes she has, she would not have behaved that way.
That's how I feel. Despite what she tells herself, I don't hate her, I actually pity her immensely. She's fooling herself into believing something that isn't true. She's putting faith in her sister who treats her like dirt. Her distorted sense of reality prevents her from seeing any of it clearly. There's no reasoning with her or anything. She's also becoming somewhat of a hoarder. Her apartment was an absolute disgusting disaster last I saw it. Maybe she's developing dementia?
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

PutMILinherplace
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by PutMILinherplace » Tue Nov 29, 2016 11:52 pm

I am so sorry you went through this. Tell DH to keep his advice to himself in the future. :wink:

Please stop doing this to yourself. Why expose yourself to this hateful craziness? You know what she is, she cant or wont change (it really doesn't matter which). You have done what you should...actually you really have gone above and beyond what you should,

She doesn't know who God or Jesus is. If she did she wouldn't act or speak the way she did.

You show great character not hating her. It says a lot about you. Now you need to follow the Disney song, "Let it go" Go live your life . You don't want this in your life and you don't need it.

God Bless.
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Wed Nov 30, 2016 1:34 am

I am so sorry you went through this. Tell DH to keep his advice to himself in the future.
:lol:
I love him and I know he means well but I tell ya, he always gives me the worst advice lol. He did feel bad and told me he was sorry over it even though it wasn't his fault. I really should have seen this coming. I just didn't think she was experiencing one of her odd "phases" where she acts and reacts like a rabid animal.

I thought I could keep LC with her for the sake of the entire family but I see now, that isn't possible. I will try to keep as far from her as I can.
You show great character not hating her. It says a lot about you. Now you need to follow the Disney song, "Let it go" Go live your life . You don't want this in your life and you don't need it.
Now that song is in my head lol.
You're right, I need to live my life from here without her in it. If God forbid, anything were to happen to her, I will leave it in the hands of my Aunt.

Funny thing is, mother's favored sister, text me to say that she loves and misses me and hopes I'm okay. I don't know what's going on but I find it strange that she would reach out to me after my mother told her her side of the story. I thought she'd be mad at me for fighting with my mom but nope, she seems to be showing some empathy towards what I went through. I'm wondering if she now sees my mom for who she really is and doesn't fully believe her story. Whatever it is, I'm just glad there's no added drama.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

WatchingMyBack
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by WatchingMyBack » Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:02 pm

jigglypuff, I'm so very sorry she treated you this way.

I should say I'm stunned, but with the way I'm treated by people who supposedly "love" me, I can't say I am.

Hugs to you and I'm sorry it has reached this point.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Dec 01, 2016 4:33 am

Thank you WMB. Sorry you know what I'm feeling all too well.

My DB called me the other day but I missed his call and haven't called him back because I've been busy. I'm guessing it has something to do with my mother. I have been thinking as to why Aunt sent me that text. I was thinking maybe mother said I was mentally unbalanced or something? Causing Aunt to feel sorry for me. Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't anything good.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

hateThoseNarcs
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by hateThoseNarcs » Sat Dec 03, 2016 10:06 am

HI Jjigglypuff ,

So sorry you had to experience that.I do understand you very well as my mother is so similar.
I do not hate her however I still grieve I havent got a mother I could have.It is so sad when somebody who should love you behaves in an awful way.
Hope you have nice Christmas :-)hugs

jigglypuff
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Mon Dec 05, 2016 3:13 am

Thank you HTN. Just wish you and others here didn't relate to my situation so well. It's hard dealing with a troublesome parent. I don't even want to think about what's going to happen when she becomes elderly.

I also hope you and everyone here has a nice Christmas :)
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

CoffeeLeaf
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Tue Dec 06, 2016 12:02 am

I know that night must have been hard, but, after saying all that to your mother, I think you'll finally get the closure that you've needed. It's done now, so, the next thing you can do for yourself is stop analyzing the evening and feeling bad about your explosion, and just try and find some peace. You can't sit there and slap a dog over and over again, and expect not to get bitten, even if that dog had never bit before, and it never will again.

*hugs*

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