The disaster of Thanksgiving

Talk about anything and everything not related to the in-laws

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Queenof3
Angry
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Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:43 am
Location: Linglestown, PA

Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Queenof3 » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:24 pm

Jiggles...I am sorry for your awful TG. A parent who is incapable of love is the most difficult experience. I loved & yearned after my late father, esp. as a teen. Thank God I didn't live w/him...as sensitive as I am. It would have destroyed me. The last time I spoke w/him was on his b-day when I was 32. I called long distance to wish him happy birthday. He was morose, pouting about God only knows what. Instead of a conversation w/ his first born child, he pouted. I ended the call & said "Enough". I then went through a mourning period where I mourned the Dad I would never have. My late husband had a VICIOUS father & I think we parented each other a little. His love brought me much healing. Now, it's your turn. Close the door & walk away. Mourn. Heal. Hell, move away if you can. We've got your back.

mamarama
Nuclear
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by mamarama » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:35 pm

Queenof3 wrote:A parent who is incapable of love is the most difficult experience.
This just really struck a chord with me. For some reason, it made me think of exH and feel some sympathy for him. And I haven't felt anything but contempt for him in a while. His mother is an N, a full-blown one.

Jiggly, have you heard from her? Or any FMs?

Queenof3
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Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:43 am
Location: Linglestown, PA

Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Queenof3 » Sat Dec 10, 2016 12:36 am

mamarama wrote:
Queenof3 wrote:A parent who is incapable of love is the most difficult experience.
This just really struck a chord with me. For some reason, it made me think of exH and feel some sympathy for him. And I haven't felt anything but contempt for him in a while. His mother is an N, a full-blown one.

Jiggly, have you heard from her? Or any FMs?
Oh, mamarama...it does, doesn't it? (Your story made my heart ache for you, but I'm so GLAD we got OUT!)

When a parent can't love us a part of us feels we're unworthy of love, and it shapes us in a way that is only recognized by those of us who have been through it.

My brief 2nd "marriage" (can't have a marriage if the SOB was profoundly impotent and didn't tell his wife to be-yes, I waited) of one year to a charming, mannerly, bashful-at-times sweet "boy" who slowly turned into the man who began to belittle every. little. thing. I loved about myself (my cooking, my singing, my parenting), took me for 15 grand in medical bills and refused to return one dime? Yeah...full blown N. He hit me on our first anniversary trip to Israel, and it was GAME OVER. It was an expensive, painful lesson and I'm just starting to get "me" back...I'm not quite at the "sympathy for him" point yet, even though his father was a cold, abusive bastard. My divorce was final Dec 27th of last year.

I'm just glad that I no longer want to die! And I don't care if he does. (My story is in the archives if you want to know)

Jigglypuff...when we say we've got your back, WE KNOW.

jigglypuff
Nuclear
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Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Sun Dec 11, 2016 4:36 pm

Thank you Coffee and Queenof3 for your kind words :)
then went through a mourning period where I mourned the Dad I would never have.
I understand that all too well. I went through that with my mother many years ago. I have always known that she didn't love me. I don't know how I knew, but I remember being about 9 or 10 and telling my dad that mother abuses me. He chuckled it off because I think he only believed abuse was physical, not emotional or verbal. My parents were also abused as children but unlike my mother, my father was very loving towards us. My dad became his mother, who was a kind woman but an enabler.
I hated my mother for the majority of my childhood. There were a few times where I tried to gain her love and nothing worked. She only wanted my company when it was convenient for her. I have done so much for her especially for birthdays and on holidays and she's given me nothing in return.

I think I turned out alright only because of my Dad's love. He was always supportive and good towards me. He never judged me like she would. He never spoke down to me and always wanted me to better myself. She never offered me any of that. I think it was my Dad who saved me from absorbing a lot of the toxicity she threw at me. I think my faith and belief in God helped me too.

I've come to the point where I'm okay with not having a mom. I didn't have the best female role models in life but I had some great men. My male cousins always looked out for me. I had a good dad who loved me. I have a great brother who loves me and is my best friend. And I have a damn good husband who is affectionate, genuine and does his best to provide for me. Life's not perfect and never will be but I'm so grateful for the awesome people in my life. Including all of you guys. You guys are the best! <3
Last edited by jigglypuff on Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

Hiddenjem
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Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 8:06 am

Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Hiddenjem » Sun Dec 11, 2016 5:41 pm

((((((Hugs))))) Jiggy

I can relate to surviving "that type of mom." We both learned to give up them as mothers.

I am honored to hear more about the journeys that brought all of here.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

Tears Of Hannah
Annoyed
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Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by Tears Of Hannah » Wed Jan 11, 2017 4:21 am

Don't be upset opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. If a couple cannot conceive children God will not punish them. True fact marriage children are not for everyone.
Some in-laws need speed knots upside the head and a serious beat down

jigglypuff
Nuclear
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Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: The disaster of Thanksgiving

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Jan 12, 2017 2:14 am

Thank you all :)
Don't be upset opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. If a couple cannot conceive children God will not punish them. True fact marriage children are not for everyone.
She didn't upset me with that because I think it's ridiculous and she had nothing to back it up. She simply thought this up at the top of her crazy head lol. I know she only said it to try and stir me up so she could argue with me. She never believed this before until that day so I know she's full of it.

She's trying to win me over with gifts again which I knew she was going to do. She bought me a bunch of expensive items for Christmas and we got her nothing. She was sad after xmas because her favored sister gave her cheap junk gifts and she expressed her disappointment to my DB. This was the sister she claims is so "good" to her. She knows her sister doesn't give two damns about her but clings onto her anyway. She's a total wackjob.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

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