I give up

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miwako
Nuclear
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I give up

Post by miwako » Sat Dec 31, 2016 12:38 am

I'm falling apart, my husband is falling apart, and everyone we know is falling apart.

We realized today that my husband's driver's license expired last week, but we never got a notice because the state is broke. Without a reference number we can't renew online and have to go in person, and because of the holiday and budget cuts, the DMV isn't open until Tuesday. We already had a break light out, and since he didn't want to get pulled over and pay for both the fix it and expired license, I drove to the Jiffy Lube to get it fixed. Well, since I'm not used to driving his car, especially at night, I clipped a trash can someone left in the road and broke the passenger side mirror. That's going to be $200 to fix, just when I was starting to feel like I was making progress on our debt. Everything I do backfires and makes things worse.

I am sleep deprived because my neighbors upstairs will not stop throwing things around their apartment. I don't know when they sleep. They move their furniture at 3am, scream randomly at all hours and literally throw their groceries into their kitchen from the stairwell. I complained to the complex, again, but all they did was leave a note on all the doors reminding people to be quiet at night, a note the neighbors still haven't seen because they never use their front door, probably because it isn't f***ing loud enough, like the back door. I bought some industrial ear protection, but it's uncomfortable to wear, especially to sleep. I'm listening to then slam things around as I type this. I've lived here 8 years and no one has ever been this loud.

I am getting no time alone whatsoever. As an introvert I need some time alone to recharge, but with my schedule and the holidays, that just wasn't happening. Every day I think I'll have a second to myself, my husband tells me he has the day off work. I smile through gritted teeth and say "Great!" I'm being interrupted constantly. I can't stand it anymore. He's having the opposite problem of feeling lonely and socially deprived, so I feel bad telling him to go away, though I did snap "Can I be alone for 20 minutes!" after a long day at work and being dragged to see his family.

I have so many things that I want to do, need to do, or need to fix to get my life back together, but all I can do is flail ineffectivly.

miwako
Nuclear
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Re: I give up

Post by miwako » Sat Dec 31, 2016 1:11 pm

And I feel dumb because there's no one thing that's really devastating, it's just that I'm being nibbled to death by ducks.

blue iris
Fuming
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Re: I give up

Post by blue iris » Sat Dec 31, 2016 2:58 pm

Miwako, I am so sorry for your troubles! I do understand how its all those little straws, individually don't weigh much, but piled on top of each other they become an unbearable load. I think noisy neighbors are the worst! Just try to keep getting through one day at a time.

Hiddenjem
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Re: I give up

Post by Hiddenjem » Sat Dec 31, 2016 6:01 pm

Things do pile up and seem unbearable don't they!

I had a neighbor like yours back when I had a apartment. It was horrible! i felt tired, resentful and angry. It is your home and should be a place of peace!

It is hard to get ahead financially! We can relate. We are fearful of getting the hospital bill even with having insurance. We can't pay off the credit card because I can't find a job. I tell myself that things will be okay in the long run.

I used to bang on the floor with a broom handle back when I rented a part want to annoy them back when they were loud and I needed to sleep. It actually helped. They would bang back and I responded. They started getting the connection.

We have a small white noise machine from Walmart (around $20 dollars) that I use when we have used our rv, and when living in a house with wood floor on a busy cut through street. I like the soft ear plugs (cheap and at Walmart) made for concert level noise.

((((Hugs)))) I can relate. I am introverted too and charge my batteries by being alone. I even converted a linen closet that is the cedar lined and telephone booth sized into a relaxing space. It has a shelf for a candle, my iPad, and a big bench with pillows and a soft cushion and a blanket.

The cozy and peaceful room gets use by others too. Dh uses it for phone calls. Daughter and I knit and watch netflick movies in it. My son with ocd goes in there too to get a break from our busy household of five in a small home.

Thankfully, the holidays are over and the return season will end fast for you at work.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

rubycrownedkinglet
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Re: I give up

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Sat Dec 31, 2016 6:29 pm

My Dh and I just discussed this yesterday. I am feeling totally overwhelmed with so many little details that are all part of huge undertakings in our lives. I was doing deep breathing in the car and he asked me to explain what was wrong.
Somehow he thought it would be all better if he told me that I should take each thing, one at a time. Yeah, thanks. I'm the one responsible for almost everything. If he has something to do, he asks my help. He just asked me to iron him a shirt for a party tonight. I told him I didn't have time, but that I ironed the same shirt for him last week and the iron was set correctly. Obviously if I have time to write this, I have time, but it's the principle of the thing when he has 10 already-ironed shirts and 5 lightweight sweaters he could wear instead.
Then he asked me to ice the champagne we are taking to the hosts and feed the dog and take the dog out while he is in the 20th minute of his nice hot, relaxing shower. No kidding [tankless water heater]. My list of things to do gets longer and longer and my patience gets thinner and thinner.
I finally sat down yesterday and started a to do list just for our upcoming trip. I will be assigning tasks and if they don't happen, so be it. Tonight DH is the designated driver. It's his turn and he's trying to get out of it. Tough.

bsfighter1
Infuriated
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Re: I give up

Post by bsfighter1 » Sat Dec 31, 2016 9:00 pm

I feel your pain. Today I woke up myself feeling very down but I'm choosing to focus on any positive stuff I can find around me and keep saying that (blank* will get better) or envisioning an even better life and believing in it. I find that when I choose to focus on troubles my troubles increase. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, and feeling are what they are whether it's frustration or happiness, but for me personally I'm trying to go beyond my day to day feelings because it's so easy to get sucked into feelings of defeat, etc. Only 2 weeks ago I had hit what I'll call my 'Rock bottom' (don't like that term but it's all I got) and it was either I chose to give in to it or find a better way. It doesn't mean that all is well now, but I understand now that my negativity brought more negativity and stuff I didn't (and don't) want. I hope you have an even more positive new year, and you focus you attention on dreaming of nice and courteous neighbours. When you do this, you might be surprised that eventually they'll either become courteous or move out. No joke!

Hiddenjem
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Re: I give up

Post by Hiddenjem » Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:29 pm

I used to keep a list of positive things and a separate gloom and doom journal.

It is interesting going back and rereading the really bad days and daily list positive things list.

It helped me survive tough times in the past.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

jigglypuff
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Re: I give up

Post by jigglypuff » Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:43 pm

And I feel dumb because there's no one thing that's really devastating, it's just that I'm being nibbled to death by ducks.
That's exactly how I've been feeling too. Especially this last year.

With health issues, family/IL drama and struggling with bills and such to save up for a house has not been the easiest.

Omg, the noisy neighbors. I know the struggle. I have 3 of them. One below us, and two others on each side of us. The neighbors downstairs blast their tv until 2am every night. Doesn't help that they're dirty too. We also have to deal with pot and cigarette smoke that irritate our allergies and asthma. Problem is, rent is so insanely high in our state and we can't move because of DH's job. So we're waiting to leave until DH retires in a few years. I have even contemplated moving to a state over with my brother and leaving DH behind until his retirement because there are times where I can't take it. I bawl my eyes out over it every few months, that seems to help me a bit but not by much. It's sad because we love our apartment but unfortunately the neighbors ruin it. It sucks knowing you're working hard, paying an arm and a leg for a ridiculous amount of rent and these inconsiderate asswipes make your home life miserable.

Positive thinking helps sometimes but I've noticed that when PMS kicks in, it really gets me down. The only thing that keeps me going is working for a goal on getting a house away from civilization. I would be gloriously happy never seeing another human's face again, haha.

Also, as for saving money, I've learned that there's never enough and no matter how much you struggle to save, it always seems to be in vain. There are always things that occur in life that will suck your finances dry. We have gone into debt a few times over our car. Those things are money munchers. If you could somehow manage public transportation and ditch the car, I would suggest doing it. Only thing you can do is work at small goals and stick to them. If you could only manage to save $10 a month, then do that and keep going from there. Look at anything in your lives that might be leaking money and plug up that hole.

I think the first question you need to ask yourself in the new year is, what does Miwako want and what can Miwako change in her own life? Whatever that is to you, even if it means starting a book you've always wanted to read, do it. Small accomplishments feel just as good as big ones.

I hope you feel better sweetie and know that many of us are sharing your struggles. You're not alone. I have been dirt poor broke to the point of almost being homeless. There were days where my DB and I starved and we eventually made it out. There is always hope for better things *hug*
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

jigglypuff
Nuclear
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Re: I give up

Post by jigglypuff » Sun Jan 01, 2017 4:05 pm

Also, I don't know about your area but over here, the public assistance office offers classes and training for those who make a certain amount of income. I believe it's around $35,000-$45,000 and lower. They also offer to help with resumes and such. If that's not available to you, you could try looking into something like programs that help supply low income families with groceries. This way you and your DH can save on food which is pricey.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

miwako
Nuclear
Posts: 1099
Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:11 am

Re: I give up

Post by miwako » Mon Jan 02, 2017 5:06 pm

Thank you all for your kind words. It feels better justto be able to talk about it!
jigglypuff wrote:I think the first question you need to ask yourself in the new year is, what does Miwako want and what can Miwako change in her own life? Whatever that is to you, even if it means starting a book you've always wanted to read, do it. Small accomplishments feel just as good as big ones.
I've been thinking about that a lot myself lately. I feel like I've drifted off course from being true to myself. I'm not working on any of my sewing projects because of my weight gain. I feel frumpy and ugly. I've been spending too much time on social media, just because it's there and it fits into the small chunks of time I have free. I feel like I have to be very guarded so as not to get into any stupid internet fights because everything you say goes on everyone's wall/dashboard and I'm tired of dealing with it.

I've been thinking about a quote my SIL has in her email about how the easiest way to be happy is to get rid of the things that make you sad. I don't know if she realizes that she's one of those things.

WatchingMyBack
Nuclear
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Location: New York State

Re: I give up

Post by WatchingMyBack » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:04 pm

Don't give up. Life is always a roller coaster.

I've been finding with my FOO that anything I recommend about the care of DM is always criticized and dismissed. I was speaking with SIL and could hear DB in the back-ground making snarky comments about my obsession with covering all the details. My Dsis and DB are on a group text with questions and updates about DM and without fail, DB says hateful PA things to both me and DSis. I'm taking a big ole' step back away from it all. I spent hours on the phone last week with insurance people for DM and was constantly being blocked by HIPAA laws (DM never had a HIPAA authorization put on file for us. Smart move, DM. Your privacy is SOOOO important.) The other roadblock I had found when DM was in the hospital (and I was the only one there) is that the POA puts my DSis first, my DB second and me third in the decision making chain. They have to give a pass before my authorization kicks in. It is absurd. I asked DSis to change it and give us all equal POA for medical decisions and she FREAKED OUT. I'm not kidding. "YOU don't need authorization. YOU'RE far away." Except when I'm not, like I wasn't because I was there visiting and I was the one that called 911 and got her nitro pills and the whole sh*t-show. But what are the chances of that?? Actually, she's right. I won't go there to visit again. The one nice thing I could do for DM was going there and making her a nice Thanksgiving dinner, and she doesn't even have a memory of it because of her heart attack later that night. She doesn't even remember I was there at all.

My ODS was snarky with me the last two times I was there, so I'm not anxious to go visit them. Can't stand to be around DD anymore with her BP anger. Came for dinner New Year's eve and didn't even speak to us. Ate dinner and then said she wanted to go home to watch her favorite performer (that she has gone to 6 of her concerts so far this year...) sing on TV. Started texting yesterday that she wanted us to take care of her dog and I said no, he was fine to be alone in her apartment for 3 hours.

Like you say, Miwako, none of it is horrific, but it eats away and eats away, and no matter what you do, it only gets worse. This is how it was with the PIL and I'm just not going to keep allowing more people to fill their shoes and heap abuse on me.

You'll need to call the police on the neighbors. Maybe more than once. Tell them you hear furniture being thrown and loud angry voices like domestic violence. Maybe that's what is going on and you'd be doing someone a favor reporting it.

The other suggestion, which I very often finds helps me, is to clear some clutter with Feng Shui. Many times your Chi can get stuck by clutter or holding on to old useless things. DH and I will probably be moving later this year, so he has been pushing me to clear out old stuff, which is very hard for me to do. I do keep it neatly packed away, but it is still stuff we won't need to take with us and we won't have space for storing it. I scheduled a pick-up from the Vietnam Veterans thrift store so I would have a deadline for cleaning out a bunch of things. I ended up with six large bags of clothes I had been holding on to that I never wear anymore and never will, blankets and sheets that we never use, self help books, gifts given to us that we never took out of the boxes (punch bowl for our non-existent parties, etc.) It felt SO GOOD! I cleaned out old expired bottles of cleaning stuff and cosmetic junk that I'd been given by MIL that I never used and most was so beyond expiration it wasn't funny.

Map out your apartment with a Feng Shui Bagua and figure out what clutter or old useless stuff is blocking the Chi in the Money sector and Health and Wellbeing sector.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

miwako
Nuclear
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Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:11 am

Re: I give up

Post by miwako » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:22 am

I do have a fair amount of clutter I need to sift through. It's something I'd been hoping to work on when my schedule calms down, but I'm not sure it that will actually happen.

I've also wondered if having the bathroom in the money corner has had a negative impact.

WatchingMyBack
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Location: New York State

Re: I give up

Post by WatchingMyBack » Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:45 pm

Bathroom in the money corner is very bad. It means all of your money will flow right down the toilet or the drain.

Be sure to keep your toilet lid always closed when not in use. Keep the bathroom door closed at all times. Put a mirror on the outside of the bathroom door to deflect your Chi away from that room.

Use orange, pink or red towels, rug, shower curtain in the bathroom.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

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