My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

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mamarama
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by mamarama » Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:31 pm

DD is very wise and astute for her age -- just the facts that she could not only identify the problem but handle a confrontation with her grandma, an authority figure, the way she did. And for your mom to try and place the blame for her decisions on a 9 YO is pathetic and twisted. She deliberately tried to hurt your kid's feelings and manipulate her emotions by dropping dd's stuff off on the porch. She is unhealthy for your child, emotionally and physically. What if she had taken dd to that rally and, God forbid, she did get hurt? Whose fault would that be? Well, certainly not grandma's!

DD is lucky to have parents who protect her the way you do. There are many people who would tolerate this behavior and sacrifice their children on the altar of "family harmony".

WatchingMyBack
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by WatchingMyBack » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:11 pm

Ah, too bad you didn't have a security camera on your porch to catch what might have been a priceless expression when your Not-So-DM rang the bell and found you were not at home. In my mind, she wanted to have a showdown right then and there, and was sure she was going to find you at home. She wanted to create a little drama and maybe even reduce your DD to tears?

And leaving a sewing machine on a front porch? Very careless and disrespectful of your DD.

Not-So_DM is very childish.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

foxmanb
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by foxmanb » Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:27 am

WatchingMyBack wrote:Ah, too bad you didn't have a security camera on your porch to catch what might have been a priceless expression when your Not-So-DM rang the bell and found you were not at home. In my mind, she wanted to have a showdown right then and there, and was sure she was going to find you at home. She wanted to create a little drama and maybe even reduce your DD to tears?

And leaving a sewing machine on a front porch? Very careless and disrespectful of your DD.

Not-So_DM is very childish.
Actually, we did have a camera on the porch, she had her DS (I won't call him my brother) drop them off when they knew we wouldn't be home.

She is being extremely childish. What DW and I take away from this is that not so DM wants to make herself out to be the victim so she doesn't have to apologize. That's the bottom line. Telling our DD that we're punishing her, withholding visitation, etc is just sick. Anything to NOT be held accountable for her actions.

When all of this went down I called the fam I cared about and let them know what was going on, and that they'd probably hear some crazy shit about us, and to not believe the hype... boy was I right on that one.

To be honest, if we had withheld visitation, used visitation as a weapon against her etc, DD would hate us for it one day, maybe even now, and rightfully so, because we would have been putting her in the middle. I'm glad we're better than that.


And... thank you for the kind words mamarama.

foxmanb
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by foxmanb » Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 am

It had been quiet up until Friday... not so DM sent DD a package, we considered returning it, throwing it away, etc, but we didn't. We feel like we need to allow DD to to make those choices for herself.

Anyway.. We checked the package and card first to make sure there wasn't anything inappropriate, we didn't find anything. She had sent a few material items, and a halloween card, with $ in it. She's never sent her a halloween card with $ in it before, and a note saying "I know you said you needed a break from me, I hope it's OK that I sent this"...

I can only surmise that this is some kind of manipulative attempt on her part to get our daughter to speak to her, knowing we have raised her to write Thank you notes etc. My gut tells me she's doing this to try and get our daughter to be on friendly terms with her, so she can feel forgiven/vindicated/etc, and bypass the parents. I feel like my gut was right because in the reply DD received for her thank you email, it said something to the effect of "Thank you SO much for letting me know you received this". her email to DD is "blocked", all mail from her goes to spam where we can check it first and make sure it's appropriate. We don't want to make "the" decision for DD, but at the same time, it's hard to stand on the sidelines when you feel like someone is manipulating them.

We're debating whether we should just send crap back when she sends it from now on.

Any thoughts from anyone who's been in a similar situation? When we dealt with DW's family issues, DD was an infant, and couldn't make her own decisions.

PutMILinherplace
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by PutMILinherplace » Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:07 pm

Since you asked for an opinion, :wink:

I would send EVERYTHING back. I don't remember how old your DD is but if she is underage, block everything. I would encourage her to ignore completely. I am afraid you just taught this woman that if she sends money or the right kind of gift, she can worm her way back in. You would be wise to go NC and stay that way permanently. Explain to your DD that you had a temporary lapse in judgement but realized it was very foolish of you to have anything to do with an abusive person.

My view is, its ok to make the decision for someone if you don't feel they are not able to protect themselves against the abuse.

And this was one time NOT sending a thank you note would have been totally appropriate.
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

foxmanb
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by foxmanb » Mon Nov 27, 2017 12:57 pm

Fair assessment. The thanksgiving card she sent made its way to the trash can quickly. Thanks for the reality check.

mamarama
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by mamarama » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:02 am

foxmanb wrote:It had been quiet up until Friday... not so DM sent DD a package, we considered returning it, throwing it away, etc, but we didn't. We feel like we need to allow DD to to make those choices for herself.
I would have dropped the package off on her porch :lol:

foxmanb
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by foxmanb » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:09 am

mamarama wrote:
foxmanb wrote:It had been quiet up until Friday... not so DM sent DD a package, we considered returning it, throwing it away, etc, but we didn't. We feel like we need to allow DD to to make those choices for herself.
I would have dropped the package off on her porch :lol:
I try to stay as far away from the crazy as possible. ;). She sent something for Christmas, we just threw it away.

Omilona
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Post by Omilona » Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:04 pm

The crazy is strong in my family too...but ours is financial. I grew up with 2 younger sisters in Scarsdale NY. My parents were moderately well off as in a 4 BR house and a new car every few years, and my dad had a group of Home Goods type stores. I recently discovered that my 2 sisters have been bleeding my parents financially for their entire lives (50s now). My middle sister wanted to have her own restaurant, despite having worked only 3 months in one before (she was sent to culinary institute but had not worked in one). My parents set her up in one, which lasted for 4 years. I foolishly assumed the number to be about $250,000. But I discovered after going through my dad's old business files which have been stored at my house for 10 years, that her number was in excess of $2,000,000. Then I discovered that she and the youngest daughter had been given a gold Amex attached to my dad's business account, for business and emergency. My youngest sister was doing the accounts payable. So she went around charging everything in sight from a trip to Disney for 5, to a new deck, $10,000 obstetrical fee as no OB on Blue Cross (which my parents were paying for her family) was good enough, tree work, tiling, cabinetry, etc. Then she wrote the checks from the business account to cover the purchases. Dad, who now has dementia, was not checking the bills. Between that and the deposits on 5 houses, she is over $1,000,000. Now my parents are elderly living in a 2 room cottage that they paid $400,000 cash for and put in my middle sister's name at the same time as the restaurant. The youngest sister (who twice married this guy who is serially unemployed.... as in 3 jobs in the last 12 months and is unemployed again) managed to get the Million dollar house my parents gave her the 20% downpayment on foreclosed. So my parents have moved her into their only remaining asset, a rental house they just bought for $700,000. When I discovered what had been going on, I confronted them. My youngest sister then sent me a Fuck You and Die email, which I did not respond to. And here's where she went to scorched earth response from me. She then sent my 15 year old daughter a text saying "Your mother is a drug addict and an alcoholic, she needs to be in a mental institution or even an exorcism". This is the same sister who got arrested on 3 felony counts of possession of marijuana with intension to distribute years ago. I paid for her criminal defense attorney! I have all the checks, bills and credit card statements! And that's just what I can PROVE. I have not seen my parent's personal accounts, but you know there's more there. I spread it all out on the dining room table and had my mother over to review it. After much kicking and screaming, she admits that I am right. She says what do you want me to do about it now? I say what you always said to us growing up was "I love you all equally and I'll treat you all equally". Since Daughter #2 has gotten $2M+ and #3 has gotten $1M+ and I have received ZERO, in my opinion the fair thing to do would to leave me the rental house, and I will allow #3 to stay in it at fair market rent until her youngest child is 18 (8 more years). 'Oh no, I cant leave #3 'with nothing'. Oh the irony of her telling the daughter who actually has received nothing, that she cant leave the daughter who squandered a million bucks with nothing. I point out to her that not only have my sisters not reported any of this income, but what they were doing is not only tax evasion, but also embezzlement. If I were to turn over the documents to the US Department of Treasury, my sisters would be in a world of trouble, and the government would force the sale of the two houses #2 owns free and clear for the $1,000,000 in back taxes due and I would get 35% of that for reporting it. With #3's prior record, and charges of felony embezzlement, she's looking at jail time. I then said I will settle for 51% of the rental house, provided I get a written acknowledgement and a written apology (they had been gas-lighting me for years telling me I didn't know what I was talking about). DM says "Well they will never do that". I said "Well you have some decisions to make then. Either you can address the imbalance in the new will you are in the process of drawing up, or you will leave me with no choice but to send a package to the government when you die. And contrary to what the quack 'lawyer' told you about a poison pill to guarantee I couldn't contest the will, there is no poison pill on this planet that will save them from the US Attorney's office, AND it wont cost me a dime"

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