Happy 100th, Grandma

Talk about anything and everything not related to the in-laws

Moderators: Phred, meimei, willthetruthbetold

Post Reply
CoffeeLeaf
Infuriated
Posts: 406
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:04 am
Location: New Zealand

Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Thu Feb 16, 2017 6:14 am

My father's mother is a complete and total narcissist who turns 100 next month. I don't mean to say I'm special, but, ever since I was little, I knew there was something very, very wrong about how she acted. I always knew that she did things for the wrong reasons, and it showed often. I don't know why no one else noticed it.

She's a very selfish bible-thumper, and has infected most of her side of the family with her BS. They have no idea. However, my dad turned out a bit different. He actually has a different father than the rest of his siblings do. His only full blooded sister is an absolute mess... Their father, the man 100 year old grandma (EVIL NEVER DIES! =D) was married to, was given to rages. Terrible, terrible stories abound, and I'm just starting to truly understand and fix all the damage that was done to me and my siblings.

Because of the big one-double-O, all my contacts on Facebook from that side of the family have been saying how wonderful she is. Well. Not on my watch they won't say such things. Not when I'm so busy picking up after her. So, I left a little note about how our family has been affected by this "wonderful, selfless woman". (Pretty obvious that everything she did, she did to hide her vile acts and true intentions.)

It really P-off one of my aunts, and I got a lengthy private message about how it wasn't her fault, and I wasn't there, and blah blah blah. Guess what? I don't have to be there. It was written all over my dad's face sometimes. And all over each of his kids, despite his best efforts. (He's the strongest man I've ever seen for not giving his own kids what he got, but, if I can't excuse her, I can't excuse him.) She wasn't there, either, so, she can't really talk, either. I then pointed out that to celebrate this foul woman means to spit on my family, and all we've had to recover from.

She ran. She ran like a fawn from a mountain lion. "You're wrong, you just can't see it. I'm done." was her only response. Such a nice lady, don't you think? She's going to defend this child abuser until the end, meanwhile, calling me blind. She even accused me of "ranting, raving, and hating, just like that man." THAT MAN IS DEAD. Tell me, why do I sound like a dead man? Because his hate didn't die, and I was infected by it? Who's fault is that? Oh, she hasn't seen me rave. The way she was freaking out, you'd think I was a cussing, raving lunatic in my message. Absolutely not. She wishes. I was very unyielding and not willing to offer her any sort of comfortable conversation about it. After a life filled with hate, I'm done.

She accused me of being hateful, and that only reflects on me. Sure, I hate what she is. I would have wanted better for her, and for everyone involved. Very few people within the scope of humanity deserve to have a broken soul that causes such damage, in my opinion. I merely find it despicable to keep the cycle going. Tell me, which of us has more hate?

I'm going to post memes of my grandma's 100th anniversary flyer they made with sayings like "Celebrating 4 generations of Narcissistic Abuse" all over Facebook, and see what they think of that. Happy Birthday, baby.

Hiddenjem
Nuclear
Posts: 2321
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 8:06 am

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by Hiddenjem » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:32 am

She couldn't handle the truth, could she? It sounds like her motto is, "Don't air your dirty laundry motto in life type people."

I understand. Isn't is ironic how people want to rewrite history and not face reality. Yet, if you put lipstick on a pig, it is still a pig!

No one deserved exposure to the abuse and its consequences and now the damage continues. It isn't making you happy hearing these people sing her praises.

Now, you are saying the truth. They are opting on rewriting history with a fairy tale version. Age doesn't improve people or change who they are or what they did. I like you, even as a child, I had and still have the ability to read people's characters. I can't relate how someone can fall for the toxic ones charades because it seems so obvious to me. We are both fortunate to pick up on these realities.

It may be easier in some ways to avoid contact or reduce contact with the people who deny the situation for what it is.Yet, look at my situation, I am avoiding contact with my birth family (abuse situation/ narcissistic and toxic people) and dh's (toxic in every way.) I can't change any of them.

Life can be lonely. I would understand if you feared this and needed to keep them in your life. Maybe it isn't the right decision for you to reduce or eliminate contact with these people. It is merely "an option."

I suspect that you feel anger / annoyed by them acting like characters from "The Emperiors New Clothes" children's book. I see you as the character who spoke out that the Emperior was walking around in his underwear verses invisible clothing that everyone was afraid to be honest about in the book.

Abuse reaches beyond the moments when it happens. It deprives us of what might of been.

I fear speaking out won't change their views of her because they, like the characters in the book I mentioned, aren't ready to face the reality of who she is.

---------

Regarding your ? When a person accuses you of something like "being hateful"'. I consider that projection and a bit of denial on her part.

I remember dh's family accusing me of "not liking them" from the first time I met them. In reality, they were saying they didn't like me.

I was told by my brother growing up, "The family would be perfect but i ruin it." In reality, he could see the abuse that I experienced, the violence in the home, the bullet holes in the wall that I had to repair after they shot guns at each other in the house, the lack of food in the house, and "all the toxic realities" that he can't and couldn't face. We are no contact status.

It is easier for some people to project the problem away from what it is.

Psychology is interesting!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1722
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by Melody » Thu Feb 16, 2017 11:46 am

Hiddengem nailed it. I don't get it. Auntie dear, try not to trip on the elephant in the room. I guess its "don't make waves", "she is who she is", and "let's all get along". Grandma has to expire eventually.

WatchingMyBack
Nuclear
Posts: 1314
Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:14 pm
Location: New York State

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by WatchingMyBack » Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:10 pm

If there is one thing I've learned from this forum, is that Satan keeps his Minions on Earth as long as possible.

100 is a pretty amazing milestone considering the human body isn't meant to live that long. All hail modern medicine, right?

There are just some people that won't face reality. My MIL was that way when it came to :evil: BIL. She knew he was bad and mean and a liar, yet she would say he was the kindest person who never told a lie. Never told a lie. Dear G-d in Heaven. All he did was lie and connive and manipulate. If I had a dollar for every time she said "That's just who he is" I could have taken a really nice luxury vacation (away from her!).

Sorry your Aunt is in denial and taking it out on you.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

CoffeeLeaf
Infuriated
Posts: 406
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:04 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:51 pm

Hah, it's quite laughable to me to imagine "missing" these people. They are, in fact, quite welcome to never contact me again. Things have always been tumultuous between that side of the family, and mine.

Thank you for your thoughts and comforts, but, this was actually supposed to be a small story about the time I shut a narc up. I suppose I did need some manner of stress relief, though, so, you have my thanks for listening.

I'm really just upset that, like you guys have mentioned, they essentially get away with it. That's only happening because they had a different father then my dad experienced, and they believe grandma's stories about "poor me!!" My side of the family is much different than theirs. They're emotional wrecks deep down, but, ours is displayed more outwardly because we got something different. They pretend they're better than us all the time, and enjoy shoving their faith down their throats.
Some Satanists are nicer and more honest than these people are. They typically value honesty, and the reason they seem edgy is because they're trying to be true to their core nature by not holding back. Narcissists typically MUST lie, and have damaged cores, so, it's not entirely fair to call them Satan's minions. (Christianity is the upholding of virtue at cost to self, and what's colloquially known as Satanism is the embrace of the whole of creation at cost of outward appearance, although strict adherence to responsibility and wisdom is necessary to live any sort of decent life. Narcs appear on both sides.)

mamarama
Nuclear
Posts: 1438
Joined: Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:40 pm

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by mamarama » Fri Feb 17, 2017 10:44 am

Sigh. Only the good die young.

For all of her bible-thumping, she hasn't gotten the point yet, in all of her 100 years. God sees how she behaves, and in the end, He's really the only one that counts. She'll have to answer to Him, not all of the gullible people she fooled throughout her lifetime. Oh boy, does she have it comin'.

"Celebrating 4 generations of Narcissistic Abuse" all over Facebook, and see what they think of that. Happy Birthday, baby." LOL LOVE IT!

i'll rise
Infuriated
Posts: 417
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:02 am

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by i'll rise » Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:57 am

I greatly sympathize with you, as my family is rife with this type of abuse too, including the great lengths to cover it up. My DH's family also wrote the book on this crap as well.
CoffeeLeaf wrote: She ran. She ran like a fawn from a mountain lion. "You're wrong, you just can't see it. I'm done." was her only response.

She accused me of being hateful, and that only reflects on me.
What an absolutely pathetic coward! It's so typical of these types of people -- they just run at the slightest whiff of being faced with the truth. And of course, she has to resort to projection onto you because that's all she's got. It's truly awful -- I feel for you. It's despicable.

As WatchingMyBack said, it really seems like the most evil people end up living the longest.

This reminds me of a story in the news recently of a daughter who wrote a very honest (and scathing) obituary for her abusive father, which was fitting -- http://www.cnn.com/2017/02/13/health/ob ... -man-trnd/

CoffeeLeaf
Infuriated
Posts: 406
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:04 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:01 pm

Indeed, I have no idea how she's read a book about all of your inner-most thoughts being known, the value of honest intention, and earnest repentance about past mistakes in order to flourish as a person and know true light ...but thinks she's above all that. One story she liked to tell was about how she died in the hospital, and met God, and he told her that he needed her to stay on earth, so he sent her back. When she woke up, there was a nurse rushing into her room who said, "Oh no, I missed it." "Missed what?", said the narcissist. "Your face was glowing."
OH MAN.

I KID YOU NOT. SHE USED TO TELL PEOPLE THIS. She still might be doing it today!! I almost wrote, "God called. He doesn't back up your crazy-a-- stories, and you were never his favorite" on the picture I made. I might still do it, because ...damn.

Thanks for the link about the obituary. I wish my family would be happy that I was being bold, but, they just don't understand.

jigglypuff
Nuclear
Posts: 2302
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by jigglypuff » Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:08 am

I KID YOU NOT. SHE USED TO TELL PEOPLE THIS. She still might be doing it today!! I almost wrote, "God called. He doesn't back up your crazy-a-- stories, and you were never his favorite" on the picture I made. I might still do it, because ...damn.
:lol: :lol:
That would be awesome!

Eh, all of these toxic idiots defend and pretend for each other. Birds of a feather and all that. If they don't help each other, who will?
I think most of us here have experienced FOO/ILs rewriting history about other members. Suddenly they are saintly souls with no flaws. *Gag*
Last edited by jigglypuff on Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

CoffeeLeaf
Infuriated
Posts: 406
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:04 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:43 am

"Satan" is a Hebrew word that means "adversary", or "one who is against." This means they don't keep the Levitical laws outlined in the bible. The meaning of "sin" is "lawless". There can be no definition of moral absolutes without an alternative; as it's indicated in Genesis, life began in darkness, and afterwards was light.
They define one another. The God of the Old Testament seems to be a harsh judge, but, this is only because his people were to be the accompanying example of light. His sharp absolutes were matched by their understanding of human faults, and desire for mercy. They were to be kind to foreigners, even if they didn't keep the same laws.

Plenty of people always have been and always will be without the same laws of Judeo-Christianity. Sometimes, they look at each other, and remember what everything was about.

As it hurts me because you would accuse some of my loved ones of being only evil and destructive, you may push away people who would otherwise need help understanding what their families are doing to them.

jigglypuff
Nuclear
Posts: 2302
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by jigglypuff » Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:31 am

As it hurts me because you would accuse some of my loved ones of being only evil and destructive, you may push away people who would otherwise need help understanding what their families are doing to them.
I'm sorry our posts have upset you Coffeeleaf. That was not intended from me and I'm sure the others as well. I happen to believe, like many here, that people who are extremely toxic are being pushed further by demonic influences. I believe Satan is an entity, a true fallen angel, not just lawlessness. This is why Satan was mentioned.

We toss the word "evil" around carelessly at times. The good news is, people always have a chance at redemption. Sometimes humans are unkind to each other, but God is always merciful to everyone. I think at least that's something we can agree on? Out of respect for you, I won't mention anything remotely religious on your posts from now on.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

CoffeeLeaf
Infuriated
Posts: 406
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:04 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Happy 100th, Grandma

Post by CoffeeLeaf » Sat Feb 18, 2017 5:43 pm

No, please say whatever you like. It's not myself I'm worried about. Hah, it takes quite a bit to bother me, and all of you have only been kind.
People are mismatched with others on their outlooks every single day in this world, and that does nothing but cause damage. That's the only point I wanted to make. I don't want to see anyone hurt or denied what they need; not you, not anyone who might be difficult to understand.

Post Reply