Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

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Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Hiddenjem » Thu Dec 21, 2017 8:47 am

Dh found a doctor in this state who he is comfortable with managing his diabetes.

He wanted myself and our offspring to be under the same doctor.

I pushed myself to go through with a "first patient talking" appointment with her knowing that I prefer male doctors and dentists.

What happened? After looking at my paperwork, she seemed angry that she couldn't scold me (seems to me her style/ dictator/paternalistic/ rude) on my life style. I don't smoke, drink at all, take any drugs legal or illegal, eat healthy (my choice is vegan.) Yes, I am 3 ibs over my bmi but am exercising, eating small portions, no desserts, and eating healthy etc.

She immediately told me (in a hateful way) that obviously eating vegan isn't helping my health obviously since my bmi is 25. She said that I need to start eating meat and stop stuffing my face! Yes, I am typing word for word what she said! She hands me the food pyramid chart and says start eating meat and stop stuffing your face.

She went on to accuse me of living on "vegan" junk food only and didn't stop her *itcy judgemental rant to me there!

She then demanded to know if I was sexually active. I told her that topic was off limits. She can stay out my bedroom and I will stay out of hers is my motto. She decided that I must have sexual diseases. She decided that I needed testing for the diseases that she decided that I had and a pregnancy test. No, married for 24 years. I am only 3 ibs over my bmi at this point in time. As I said, I am adjusting to my metabolism slowing down due to my age.

I could type a book on how horrible the experience was at the appointment. It became even worse. She preached to me what I failure I was and how horrible it was that I was three pounds over my bmi.

The grand finale was her taking my blood pressure, surprise (not) it was high! I was unpleased with the horrible experience and of course it would be high! She lectured me on that and I said to her, "Of course, it is high. I am sitting here and I don't want to be here. I do not find this visit helpful and I am angry." I left.

My adult daughter and teen son are not going to have her as our doctor but dh is staying with her for now.

I have a list of male doctors I will explore. (I am a child abuse survivor and my female birth parent was the worst of the abusers.) I like other women in general but feel more comfortable for my dentist and doctors to be males.

The doctor visit triggers some bad memories from childhood abuse but I am determined to not let a unprofessional, uninformed doctor frustrate and discourage my ongoing quest for my best possible health that is in my control!

I can lose the three pounds and will continue not eating the standard American food diet. I like not having the migranes that I had when I used to eat like "most people in the us."

I suspect that doctor feels insecure about her weight, and not getting enough fruits and vegetables in her diet possible and projected her feelings into my situation.

I didn't attack her back with my words because I am classy, educated, and strive to be a good nonjudgmental person with a live and let live attitude.

I am 3 ibs away from being in a safe bmi zone and I eat very healthy and exercise. I am close to being 50 and didn't state to her that I wasn't actively working on good health (losing the 3 ibs.) I didn't appreciate being accused of "pigging out on vegan junk food" based on no evidence and it is untrue.

She seems to view first appointments as lecture and not listen sessions. I did not care for her approach. I hope I can find another doctor that is good with type two diabetes care for dh and he will change from her! He has only been to one appointment. She didn't attack him for having a plant based diet or tell him to start eating meat immediately! I was sitting right there.

Maybe, I remind her of someone who was judgmental about the vegan thing in the past and she lashed out at me for it. I don't know where her anger came from because I am not hard to get along with at all! Also, I am not the "patient" type who comes in not caring about their health, who isn't wiling to strive to be at their best health! I do so many things that are "right."

Do you know what scares me? If she does that with "most" patients, she could drive someone with eating disorder into binge eating or starvation! Or a suicidal person to hurt themselves.

I am strong emotionally and know the issue is her and she is not a could fit to be my partner in health.

I just worry about the damage that doctor is doing to people who aren't as strong, generally confident, informed and determined as myself!

My weight is under control and I am a work in progress dealing with being 47 (metabolism slowing down) I am adapting more exercise and doing things "right."

Thank you for letting me vent about the bad experience! I feel better now!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Melody » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:10 am

Wow! Wow! Wow! Really! WHY is DH comfortable with this doctor? Being a control freak is probably good for a diabetic, but really, being a stressful bitch is not.

I'm so sorry you had this experience and I would run for the hills with the kids! Not a match at all! WRONG WRONG WRONG doctor for you. Maybe you should lose a few pounds (I don't know), but holy WRONG way to go about! And its not like you aren't dealing with a lot of stress (like your DH being diabetic - DUHHHHHHH!).

I'm 48 myself and a little on the chubby side (although the weigh is coming off after my primary discovered a thyroid problem) and have mostly had very opposite experiences. I've had more doctors male and female (all being equal I think I prefer females - just because it seems they have to work a little harder to get where they are) give me a LITTLE advice, more tell me I'm doing just about everything right (BTW, DUHHHH I didn't know I could lose a few pounds - welcome to the American diet and yes, I eat about 1000% times better than my parents taught me), and then spend time venting about how hard it is when you take care of others (and throwing in a complaint about their spouses)!

As I've mentioned, my daughter is a near vegan - she won't turn down something with a trace of egg OR a SMALL amount of cheese and thinks that honey ("insect" not an "animal" is close enough). Our OB/Gyn, the NP in her pediatric practice, and my surgeon (my daughter was my emergency contact when I had gall stones and my hubby was working peak) all sing high holy praises around her and have all acted like mentors! My daughter is a bio-chem major and they've ALL been super supportive about becoming a doctor.

You need to find someone WAY better. With someone like that, many women would skip going to see a doctor all together. I would consider reporting this woman because that's so not cool. I would also consider finding a human to care for DH. Sorry :(
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Hiddenjem » Thu Dec 21, 2017 8:40 pm

Melody,

Thank you so much!

First of all, for listening and for the support.

Secondly, I liked how you put the upsetting situation into words that weren't "as emotional" as mine and more fact based. I spoke to Dh again and he took your words very seriously. If the woman was so emotional and such a control freak/ such a *itchy wack job
for me on my first appointment, she would eventually show her true colors with him! What if she refused to write a script for his heart medicine or diabetes medicine unless he agreed to a random optional medical procedure that he wasn't wanting to do at the time. Or it didn't fit our budget? He looked like he understood my concern. He is going to keep doctor hunting!

I am so proud of your daughter Melody! I wish her well in her studies!

The bright side of what I went through is that we saw her true colors early on. Dh would of seen her true colors eventually!

Plus, her office staff was rude and they showed me on my first appointment just to talk to the doctor!

Now, I am completely not upset for the experience! I am grateful!

My goal is to lose 13 pounds for vanity reasons Melody but just knowing that first three are a must but the rest of the weight loss is no pressure!

It is exciting that you learned that your weight challenge was due to a thyroid condition! The weight coming off fast is exciting! Please keep us posted!

DD made deans list this semester. She was worried because the Urinalysis class was quite
a bear but she did it! She couldn't be in the study group due the meeting time conflicting with her two part time jobs (one is work study.) It put her at a huge disadvantage but you know what her professor noticed this and went out of his way to encourage and support her in his class. The ladies in the study group were rude in the class and took turns skipping because they traded notes etc. The professor noticed. He gave DD extra credit on her final for excellent class participation, class attendance, completing all assignments and projects on time, and being professional verses immature as a student! She missed a few questions on the final but her class grade in the class ended up as a high A! He didn't watch out for the rude/ class skipping study group ladies. It turned out to be in her favor to be the only one not in the study group! Thanks for listening!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby JeanLouiseFinch » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:37 am

Wow! Just wow! That doctor sounds like she is totally unprofessional. I am very overweight but I refuse to go to a doctor who would jerk me around for that since I am doing what I can for it. I am also a diabetic, but an adult onset type I (somewhat rare), so the extra weight is a symptom rather than a cause of the diabetes. I have to wonder what her decision that you had a bunch of STD's was based upon. I assume it was based simply on her malice. If you think it was, then perhaps you should report her to the local medical ethics & licensing board. They might not do anything now, but all complaints should go in this woman's file and eventually, with her craziness, someone will sue her for malpractice and at least get to see the nature of your complaint, although not your identity. Another issue is that if your husband is diabetic, he might be better off going to an endocrinologist. GP's think they know about diabetes, but they rarely do. My GP had me on insulin that really was not effective for my situation. Once I started seeing someone else, he started me on a pump which improved my situation enormously.
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Melody » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:33 pm

SOOOO what Jean said! And sorry Jean! I've had gestational diabetes (not the worst but enough to appreciate what real diabetics have to endure).

And yes, I agree about going to a real endocrinologist (I went to one who was obnoxious but effective - heard him scream at patients - "You're FAT! Lose weight!" but at least he was the real deal.

I had a fabulous perinatologist (high risk OB/GYN) who's assistant would LAUGH at my glucose readings - they were so "model patient". I'm kind of stupid with social skills, but as per math, I was SO on they never saw such readings - they looked fake. You said 140? Well here's 140, and on "off days" they saw 139 or 141. THIS is what I meant about a control freak possibly being good. Unfortunately this poor Dr. died and I ended up seeing a freak like you've described. My general OB then found a very young doctor (whom they didn't even realize took on a diabetic specialty) who I ended up coaching a little and handing over some of my late doctor's info to :(. A bit of a partnership but MUCH BETTER FIT!!!) You need to find someone good for hubby.
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby mamarama » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:53 pm

It's time to shop around for a new doctor for you and your family. Coming from somebody whose mother and father are both specialist physicians and whose grandfather was president of the American Medical Association, I can say that her attitude towards you was highly unprofessional and condescending. She has no respect for your life choices, and it's not like you are making bad ones like the drugs, etc., that you mentioned. She is not interested in working with you, obviously.
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby mamarama » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:57 pm

"She then demanded to know if I was sexually active. I told her that topic was off limits. She can stay out my bedroom and I will stay out of hers is my motto. She decided that I must have sexual diseases. She decided that I needed testing for the diseases that she decided that I had and a pregnancy test. No, married for 24 years. I am only 3 ibs over my bmi at this point in time. As I said, I am adjusting to my metabolism slowing down due to my age. "

Sexually active? Duh, you're married. STDs? WTH?!?!?! How insulting to both you and your H. SHE decided you need a pregnancy test? Ummmmm...NO.

It sounds like she wanted to run the STD test and pregnancy test on you just to create more revenue for her practice and line her pockets a little thicker.

I've got to ask, did she appear in perfect health and without an extra ounce of weight on her?
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby mamarama » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:08 pm

You know, she might not have left her group practice willingly, considering her attitude. She might have become more of a liability than an asset.
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Hiddenjem » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:29 pm

Thank you everyone for your responses, support, and wisdom. I appreciate all of you so much!

Yes, I also suspect that the doctor was looking to make more money for the appointment by saying I need those unneeded tests!

She more than likely was kicked out of the group practice! I wouldn't be surprised!

Dh is actively looking for a good endo. dr. The one he had while in the hospital was a bit "off" and even seemed to be high or something. We opted to not follow up in his care.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Fat shamed over being 3 ibs over bmi

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:10 am

I just reread this thread and realized I didn't answer Mammarama's question. I am sorry.

The doctor was very overweight who fat shamed me. :shock:
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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