When the problems started

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Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2019 11:22 am

When the problems started

Post by DLPCGRC » Tue Apr 30, 2019 10:05 am

Hello I just thought I would share some of my story to see what others think. When I first married the IL’s son everything was wonderful. Mil was so nice, I was thrilled to have her. She called me every so often when I was pregnant to check on me and she sent gifts for me to do while on bedrest. Shortly after my delivery at around 24 weeks things changed. I was breast feeding and didn’t want them in the room at the time. It was only going to take about 10 more minutes but they got upset and left the hospital. The next day I was released and we were all going to out for dinner since we were
Hours from home and staying in a hotel. They asked that we pick the 4 of them up. Well we didn’t have room. On the way to the restaurant where some of my family met us the MIL called stating they were not because we acted as though we didn’t have time time for them. While on the phone with my DH I could hear all of this. While being very emotional I went off and she heard everything. Well the next day we went to eat with them and I didn’t have much to say. That night the sister IL her partner went out with my bff and my sister and I was told they said they weren’t there just to see babies they had things to do yet we were the ones being accused of acting like we wanted nothing to do with them. And it had all went downhill from there. From that point on everything I did was under a microscope.
A few weeks later I received a letter from my MIl that her sister wrote for her. A person who at one time I was close to. Saying she didn’t want me talking to her any longer about her son. I had a mother to call my own mother. I thought this woman is delusional. She asks me for info and I tell her what she wants to know. Here I was suicidal and they send this I was furious at the both of them but never said a word to the MIl about the letter. Her wish was my command. I wrote her off from that point on. She still tried to get info from me I stopped answering her questions.
The SIL quit speaking to me for the most part for about. 3 to 4 years. And that was fine with me. Since then the MIL has said some ugly things about me to her sister and a few to my face. Me and the aunt had a falling out. And about 2 years later she messages me asking if she came down to visit would I allow my h to visit her. I didn’t understand why she would be asking me. I don’t stop them from speaking. Well we went to the aunts she lives 23 hours away. Come to find out the IL’s told her I don’t allow DH to visit family. I was a gold digger. I trapped their son by getting PG. and the mil couldn’t understand why I had a problem with her. Well a few years later the SIL has a baby and we go to visit. And while my DH was out of the room she looks at me and says this is my first grand daughter the one and only about 4 times. It’s really hurt my feelings. What about our children were they nothing to you since they died. So I wouldn’t speak to her. And when I left I ran to the car so I didn’t have to hug her. Well we went to visit the aunt again and she told me she and MIL had it because she stated she didn’t know why I had such a hard time with the loss of my children they never even came home. I was so upset. My MIL was supposed to come with us on this trip however during the planning phase I asked her to call me. But no she wanted to email. It was too much to email so I simply said if you want to talk call me. She didn’t like that. She called my number by accident while talking cussing me calling me names to her DH. So she went to call me and I told her I heard everything and we had it out she blamed everything on me. And made every excuse possible I finally hung up on her and refused to answer when she called back 5 times so she emails me and forwards it to my husband stating everything that happened detail for detail in her version of course. Needless to say they didn’t travel with us. My husband confronted her about what she said about the loss of our children and she laughed it off. So much more has happened since then. At this time I do not speak to anyone in DH family. MiL and FIL stayed here 3 weeks when their house flooded and she went back talking about me to her daughter. When her daughter is mad at me or DH she tells everything the MIL says about is mainly me. But I blocked her number so she can’t text me any longer. I also blocked the MIl number because she never picks up the phone when I call so if that’s the way she wants it so be it don’t you ever try to call me. Sorry this is so long and that you for taking the time to read this. I’m sure I’ll share more later but I have to run now.

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Re: When the problems started

Post by PutMILinherplace » Tue Apr 30, 2019 12:08 pm

First, you shared this in the wrong forum. This is the one for non inlaw issues. You can defiantly and should share it in the In-law talk forum.

You should be beyond thankful that these people have showed their true colors. From what I read you are being smart about several things, blocking numbers, not answering any and all phone calls or emails from them etc. I dont care the reason, do not talk to them. If you accidently pick up the phone and they are there, talk over them and tell them you have to go , bye and then hang up.

Now this is going to be hard to hear but we are here to give you the advice and encouragement you need not what you would like to hear. If you want sugar coated fluff write to Dear Abby.

Yes, they are blaming you for everything, yes they are lying about you. You are the scapegoat because there is no other reason your DH would not have anything to do with their wonderful awesome selves ...gag. You have to get to the point where you dont care. I once was very upset about the lies my MIL spread but my best friend had great advice. "PMIHP, you know the truth, your family and friends know the truth, and God knows the truth why do you care what people who dont know you think?" By heavens she was right! Nothing you do with change this. I keep saying:

You can not change their behavior only your reaction to it.

I would also stop any and all visits. You dont need it and neither do the kids. Let DH visit on his own if he chooses but you and the kids are out of the game. From now on, if they visit the area, they stay in a hotel...NO EXCEPTIONS. They can stay with their daughter. I dont care what kind of emergency it is. They can stay with their daughter. Your home is a sanctuary not a hotel. Turn that extra bedroom you have into a playroom/office combo. My grandmother gave me the best advice when I got married, NEVER have a spare bed in your home. I have a standing rule that I have NO overnight visitors ever. ...well there are about 6 people who know that rule doesnt include them. :wink:

DH can visit them at their home or a hotel WITHOUT the children and you. If you cant treat the mommy right, you dont get access to the kids...PERIOD.
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

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