MIL has no social graces..

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MIL has no social graces..

Postby banana93 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:07 am

She told DH on Friday that she would be visiting this week (BIL and SIL's house)
She wants to do a Thanksgiving meal tonight with her sons and inadvertently their significant others.
I just can't stand the last minute crap she pulls, of course she's going to b*tch about how myself and Golden BIL's girlfriend (MIL destroyed that relationship too) won't be there and blah blah blah ..we're so horrible...but I refuse to accommodate her BS. I have other commitments like my evening job and teaching religious ed class. For both, I need a 3 weeks notice to take time off or find a sub, not 5 days. I bet the same goes for GBIL's girlfriend who works three jobs. Plus she doesn't ask, she just tells her sons what's going to happen. "I'm coming this week and I'm going make a big thanksgiving dinner.. I'm such a saint!"

I guess I'm just venting a little...because I don't want to be there at all regardless of my evening schedule. I think this "move" in particularly bothers me because is reminds me so much of the same crap I dealt with last year.

(I think I've posted about it here before so to recap:)
Last fall she just showed up for DH's birthday but that was 10X worse because it was a "surprise" that I wasn't keyed in on and she showed up at our house. She threw him a dinner there while I was teaching class. She posted their dinner on FB and how she would "have to forgive me for not being there" because of my class. A friend of hers commented how I should have been there. I cried in my car for a while and refused to go home until after midnight, when I knew she would be asleep. That was CO point for me the boundary stomping was ridiculous and the fact she couldn't understand why my feelings were hurt or what she had done wrong only reinforced years of suspicion that she is a Narc.)

I do get off work tonight at 8 and DH asked I would stop by after, I said no. He has the right to decide to see her, just like I have the right to decide not to see her. He kept saying he doesn't want to go by himself....not my problem!

I'm anticipating a shit show tonight...
At this point I dislike her so much that everything she does gets under my skin. DH said she made something for our nursery.. I do not want her ugly crap in the nursery, its going in the trash.
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Re: MIL has no social graces..

Postby miwako » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:57 pm

Ugh, I hate that. They act like they're doing you a favor so they can be indignant when you don't want any part of it. It's especially great when they barge into your house to do it! :roll:
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Re: MIL has no social graces..

Postby Yacky » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:31 pm

I think you're doing a great job of navigating the sticky road of NC. Your husband will figure it out eventually (hopefully!). Isn't it interesting how these people push us away purposely so they can badmouth us when we avoid being there? It's almost as though they do it so we WON'T come so they have an excuse to talk badly about us. I guess only fools would listen to her crap and care about her opinion of anything. Anyone who truly has taken the time to know you and care about you will not even flinch when you don't show up...whether you have the "excuse" of a class or not!

She sounds SO much like my own MIL in terms of just deciding what her schedule is going to look like, and then everyone else has to scramble to accommodate it (and woe to those who do not move heaven and earth for whatever visit she might be making!).

I also "circular file" items that MIL has sent/given. They are always either too small (for clothes) or of no use or interest to my kids. I keep them out for a little bit, and then when DH is gone to work, they make their way into the trash. DH never notices.
~~ Some people really need a great big the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: MIL has no social graces..

Postby merlina » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:29 am

This is so classic Passive playing for people who lack an authentic emotional response to life but can't leave it alone. I don't do NC but MC, and that's very minimal contact. I don't invite MIL or FIL to my house nor visit them but will meet them with other family members in a restaurant for birthdays etc.

I've certainly had the inappropriate or just plain naff gifts. I say to my DH "Please remember to thank your mother again for the book/plant/fruit basket. And tell her I do know just how much thought has gone into it."
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Re: MIL has no social graces..

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:55 am

merlina wrote: I say to my DH "Please remember to thank your mother again for the book/plant/fruit basket. And tell her I do know just how much thought has gone into it."
:lol: :lol:
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