Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:33 pm

Thinking of you today, angryincnada. Hang in there.

Very few people actually act out their anger in these situations. Even if the worse happens, if you are confronted, just gray rock the hell out of whoever it is and move on. Act like it was inevitable. You had the courage to act. Even your future ex would admit she wasn't happy with you and that she deserves to be happy too. It's bullshit, but it could get you out of a jam.

Although you feel it will get worse before it gets better, rest assured, it will get better. Think of how far you will have come by next year. Sit down and visualize what your life will look like.

It can only get better. Hell, prison is better than where you've been!
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby angryincnada » Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:15 pm

UPDATE: Papers are about to be served. I am afraid she is going to show up on my doorstep. I am not scared of being physically hurt but scared of being triggered, screamed at or subjected to a horrible meltdown with tears and all. These are always what bother me and what I fear the most. I still can't go back to my previous life and allow her & her family to abuse me again.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby Queenof3 » Wed Jun 27, 2018 12:04 am

She shows up on your doorstep?

Repeat after me...

CALL. THE. COPS.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Wed Jun 27, 2018 8:29 am

We're rooting for you, angry.
Just because she shows up at your door doesn't mean you have to open it. I wouldn't.
<<Read that again.
If you do open the door, record any exchanges and consider installing a camera that will video anything that happens at your door. Do it today.

IMHO, she and her crazy family get one warning, preferably recorded: If they make any physical or material threats (like I'm going to set your car on fire), then you will report the threats to the police. Make no mistake, you have to do it if you warn them, but since it seems to me that your FXW isn't exactly the sentimental type towards you, she might be more likely to let it go.

Your goal is not to get your FXW in trouble and worsen the situation, your goal is to get her to leave you completely alone. If you have to speak to her, tell her that you are never going to reconsider the divorce, it is done. You have already moved on. The quicker she moves on the easier it will be for everyone.

For your own peace of mind, I'd consider staying somewhere else for a few days, like with a friend or family member, to let things cool down.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby mamarama » Wed Jun 27, 2018 3:52 pm

I'm so sorry it had to come to this for you. What a poster said about mourning not the end of your marriage but the realization that it could never be what you hoped it was is so very true.

And ruby is right about installing cameras by the doors. Trust me when I say this, that being served with divorce papers will bring out the crazy. I would tell you about my xH but I don't want to hijack your thread.

Good luck, best wishes, and keep us updated. Thinking about you and hoping for the best, honey.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby angryincnada » Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:02 pm

Well insanity struck again yesterday. I went to my mailbox & got a nasty surprise. On the surface it wouldn't appear to be. It was a card from my stepdaughter (but the writing on the envelope was my wife's) and addressed to 'Daddy (my name)'. I did not open it because it would be a trigger for me. But I did break down & start crying. I couldn't help it. It would appear this is just another manipulative tactic that she is using & it worked. That family misses their emotional punching bag/chauffeur/manual laborer/secretary/computer semi-expert. Add on the fact it was decorated with cute animals which my NWife knows I have a soft spot for, and I was a mess.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby IrishLass » Thu Jun 28, 2018 9:52 am

Angry you really need to bring your lawyer into what your soon to be ex is doing. A cease and desist letter needs to be sent to her and than anything she sends you at all is kept in a file, write down any interaction or altercation in a notebook, but keep your emotions out of the phrase. Example “ex wife came on such and such day, time and what her demands were”. You are stronger then you think. You already know she is manipulating you and soon will probably start trying to physically fight you. Make sure your emergency services are in your cell phone and call them once you even see your ex escalating at all. Also I know you said condo association said no video cameras outside, but the nest doorbell camera is usually given the ok because it looks like a doorbell. Also nanny cameras inside your home are good too. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby Melody » Thu Jun 28, 2018 10:33 am

Oh, no! So sorry you're going through this! Wow the ex is REALLY sinking to a low at a fast pace. If you ever get the chance to speak to SD, (and I know you probably know this) let her know you care about her and NONE of this is her fault and don't say a single negative thing about her horror of a mother. In a few years time, she may just figure it out - despise her mother - and actually want to have a relationship with you.

In the meantime, you've just seen part of ex's poker hand. She knows something is up, and will probably pull the theatrics of YOU "splitting the Faaaamily" up. Try not to have your heartstrings pulled more - because objectively - you KNOW this is crap! She won't change (although she'll pretend she's willing) and if you give her another "chance" you'll end up even worse for the wear. SORRY!!! :(

In the meantime, I'm hoping your attorney gets some sort of sense of urgency!
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Sun Jul 01, 2018 9:02 am

So sorry angryincnada, I'm sure that card pulled on your heartstrings. The damage to the relationship with your DSD is one of those things that couldn't be helped in this situation. That's the reason it is so painful and she is probably one of the reasons you stayed around so long. While it is sad, it doesn't give FX an excuse to rub it in like that. Underhanded? Yes. Illegal? No. Expect it. She is the queen of manipulation and will stop at nothing to jab you in the heart. Obviously she is very good at that.

My ESIL and her Clueless DH did the same thing to us. They pretended their Eddie Munster wanted to send us a school photo, and wrote out an envelope to us in his name. It was a photo we already had, mind you, and the letter wrapped around it to cushion it asked us to start answering the phone and to send money. They used their own kid to pull the heartstrings for profit. Despicable. But we already knew that Eddie Munster was a loss to us and that we would never be in contact with him again. Sad but true.

I know the stakes are much higher for you. I would sit down and write out your plan. Are you going to maintain contact with DSD? Will you have to let her go to be rid of her viper of a mother? Will you pay child support? Will you ask for visitation? Because she is your step, is that even possible? It is important that you figure out what your plan is, and make your decisions with that in mind.

No matter the outcome, your leaving will be painful for DSD, but maybe you can do something to make it easier. I'd ignore that you know the card was sent by FX and use it as an opportunity to reach out to DSD. It's a good idea to write DSD a letter (or an email if she will more likely receive it). I'd write out what Melody suggested and send it before you may be cut off from her. If FX knows that will hurt you, that's what will come next.

IMHO it's not time yet for a C&D letter, because FX hasn't done anything to warrant it. Be prepared to record, photo and copy everything you get. Make that file and keep copies with your lawyer. Get a voice recorder to record VMs and through-the-door rants. Send the digital files to your lawyer also. Don't engage, but be prepared for the attempts. In other words, let her be her. For the first time, maybe that works in your favor. When FX crosses the line, then it will be apparent what she is and then shutting her down will be easier.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby angryincnada » Wed Jul 04, 2018 2:48 pm

Found out today that papers were served about 1 week ago. I am very sad & feel horribly guilty in part because of all these cards & things that she kept sending. I can't go back to that again though.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby Melody » Wed Jul 04, 2018 10:45 pm

Please don't feel guilty - you have NO reason to. Here's a thought - ask your attorney if its OK to drop the ex an email saying that you both need to discuss visitation (curbside dropoff - so there's no interaction between the parents). Then tell her what works for you like Wednesday dinner visits.

Do you have any legal standing? I have no idea, but its worth a shot. And if its not a possibility it may just get ex to stop some of the manipulative crap.
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Re: Long overdue update....I escaped them!!!

Postby angryincnada » Sat Jul 07, 2018 8:11 pm

UPDATE: Papers served & N?Wife has filed notice of appearance (She has retained legal counsel). I am with my parents right now but day to day living has been a struggle. Any email from the lawyer triggers me. Now I am having nightmares about N?Wife as well. Mom & Dad do help but they can only do so much & I find myself apologizing over and over again. I am trying to keep busy as that does help somewhat but there is little to do around here. I have been to 'Sicario' and 'Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom' but that's only 2 days at most. When I return home I have psychologist appointments lined up and an appointment with a new hair salon which I have been wanting to visit as well as returning to work. So I am still trying to look after myself.
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