Like not too long ago I wrote that BIL send a invite to his wedding to DH. It seems DH has been not telling me anything.
Fri he told me he text BIL about his health and when I asked why he said BIL was concern. Im like really for almost 10 yrs now he is. He said BIL actually met up with him in the city for 5 mins just to see him. I asked him if he asked to see DC and him and he said no.
Well yesterday I saw DH phone and saw BIL took a selfie in my town park and asked where DH was at? DH responded Just got home and ODS is in his orientation.
Did they agree to meet at the park with DC without my knowledge? Like I am imagining if ODS didnt have his orientation (sometimes I dont go to the park to have alone time) and went and met up with BIL behind my back. What would DH say to me when ODS would mention it to me. What would of happened if I would of went and he was there. Like he so called doesn't want to see my face but trying to meet up DH and DC behind my back?
DH didnt even mention nothing and IDK if I should mention it cause wth? Why would BIL go to the park in my town unless to meet DH. Cuase its not like he lives here.
Like I don't care if he met up with DH in the city for 5 mins or DH saw BIL at his work cause he works in a supermarket but to meet up now behind my back with my kids is a big issue for me.
BIL Keeping Contact
Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei
Re: BIL Keeping Contact
I would absolutely bring it up. I'd tell him that you don't mind if he sees him but you should be consulted if the kids are involved. I'd also tell him that if he lies to you again, he can go see his brother and stay there. I don't tolerate lies.
*** Stop telling lies about me and I'll stop telling the truth about you. ***
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CantstandmyILs
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Re: BIL Keeping Contact
Like IDC if BIL meets him in the city while DH is working or DH going to supermarket and sees BIL but to see a pic of BIL in the town park and saying where you at is like we suppose to meet where are you Im here and DH replied home and ODS is at work. WTF
BIL seems to want a relationship with DH and DC but don't want me around at all. I have told DH before Sun-Thurs DH works and I barely spend much time with him cause he gets home spend an hr with the kids and then they go to bed. I go to my room for alone time and he plays. Sometimes we do watch a movie but he falls asleep so I just turn the tv off.
But Fri and Sat is his days off and thats when I can spend time with him all day. Every weekend we always doing something with the kids. Either go to the park bbq, zoo, whatever to get the kids out the house and burn some energy. So if BIL wants to be part of DH life he would have to accept Im going to be there. Cause then he's cutting out time out of my family time.
He made the decision to walk away from us 9 yrs ago cause of his GF and Im not going to let him come in now when it's his convient and think it's OK. They are my kids. Since his GF didn't trust him around me why should I trust my kids with him and her. Seems to me he wants to do the same shit as MIL. In order to see the kids have to go to them and it's their way. Sorry you don't make the rules up when it comes to my kids. I dont trust no one and where I go my kids go and where my kids go I go. My kids dont even sleep over no one's house. They aren't even allow to go to their friends house. I usually tell them to meet at the park.
I just don't know how BIL thinks he now wants to be involved when he chose what he chose. I asked DH when BIL met up with him in the city if he asked to see the kids or him and he said no but that he wanted to meet up and do something but we ended up going to the beach with the kids that day. I didn't even know DH said yes to going somewhere.I just make plans like tomorrow IDK what we doing with the kids but we going out and then ODS has work so around 7 we going to a friend house for a bday bbq. DH should be telling BIL we a family unit and we always do stuff over the weekend.DH isn't telling me nothing of BIL.So I just do plans. BIL called DH today but he didn't pick up.
IDK what is going on here. Is he telling BIL one thing but isn't saying nothing on my end. Is he leading BIL on. Sometimes when it comes to talking to his family. I feel he lives a double life cause he only speak to them while he's at work. When BIL or MIL calls he dont pick up. SIL barely calls but when she does he also dodges her calls. Like IDK if he thinks I will get mad.
I only told him IDC if he speaks to them over the phone but I don't want them around me at all. I don't want no drama or bad vibes.
BIL seems to want a relationship with DH and DC but don't want me around at all. I have told DH before Sun-Thurs DH works and I barely spend much time with him cause he gets home spend an hr with the kids and then they go to bed. I go to my room for alone time and he plays. Sometimes we do watch a movie but he falls asleep so I just turn the tv off.
But Fri and Sat is his days off and thats when I can spend time with him all day. Every weekend we always doing something with the kids. Either go to the park bbq, zoo, whatever to get the kids out the house and burn some energy. So if BIL wants to be part of DH life he would have to accept Im going to be there. Cause then he's cutting out time out of my family time.
He made the decision to walk away from us 9 yrs ago cause of his GF and Im not going to let him come in now when it's his convient and think it's OK. They are my kids. Since his GF didn't trust him around me why should I trust my kids with him and her. Seems to me he wants to do the same shit as MIL. In order to see the kids have to go to them and it's their way. Sorry you don't make the rules up when it comes to my kids. I dont trust no one and where I go my kids go and where my kids go I go. My kids dont even sleep over no one's house. They aren't even allow to go to their friends house. I usually tell them to meet at the park.
I just don't know how BIL thinks he now wants to be involved when he chose what he chose. I asked DH when BIL met up with him in the city if he asked to see the kids or him and he said no but that he wanted to meet up and do something but we ended up going to the beach with the kids that day. I didn't even know DH said yes to going somewhere.I just make plans like tomorrow IDK what we doing with the kids but we going out and then ODS has work so around 7 we going to a friend house for a bday bbq. DH should be telling BIL we a family unit and we always do stuff over the weekend.DH isn't telling me nothing of BIL.So I just do plans. BIL called DH today but he didn't pick up.
IDK what is going on here. Is he telling BIL one thing but isn't saying nothing on my end. Is he leading BIL on. Sometimes when it comes to talking to his family. I feel he lives a double life cause he only speak to them while he's at work. When BIL or MIL calls he dont pick up. SIL barely calls but when she does he also dodges her calls. Like IDK if he thinks I will get mad.
I only told him IDC if he speaks to them over the phone but I don't want them around me at all. I don't want no drama or bad vibes.
Re: BIL Keeping Contact
Similar to what WhyOhWhy already said, I would absolutely ask DH what he did after dropping off DS at work. And I would absolutely not tolerate any lying.
And what's the deal with being mysterious? Is BIL in some kind of trouble (I don't know, finances/drugs/addition) and wants help from DH but is embarrassed about his situation? Fine if DH wants to hang out with BIL (and it sounds like you told him so) but no he should not involve your kids.
And what is the deal with BIL's girlfriend? What doesn't she trust about you, or could she also be embarrassed. Or maybe she's afraid BIL has a crush on you and feels threatened? Just a thought.
Have you ever considered couples counseling? If DH is indeed trying to hide something from you or the communication could be better, then its worth a try.
And what's the deal with being mysterious? Is BIL in some kind of trouble (I don't know, finances/drugs/addition) and wants help from DH but is embarrassed about his situation? Fine if DH wants to hang out with BIL (and it sounds like you told him so) but no he should not involve your kids.
And what is the deal with BIL's girlfriend? What doesn't she trust about you, or could she also be embarrassed. Or maybe she's afraid BIL has a crush on you and feels threatened? Just a thought.
Have you ever considered couples counseling? If DH is indeed trying to hide something from you or the communication could be better, then its worth a try.
Re: BIL Keeping Contact
Oh hell no (regarding the girlfriend not "trusting you", whatever that's about). I get it when brothers want some time just for the two of them, that's cool. If the gf is involved, then you should be involved as well, point blank. It's not fine for her to be there but for some reason you're some kind of monster who cannot be involved. Absolutely not. It's fair for all or it's fair for none.
p.s. NO ONE should have access with your kids and yet you're "not allowed" to be there. Nope. That would make me not trust THEM!! Sorry, but it's a hard no! They would likely try to poison your kids against you, even if covertly. I mean, the message it sends to your kids is that there's something wrong with Mom but these guys are wonderful. Nope.
p.s. NO ONE should have access with your kids and yet you're "not allowed" to be there. Nope. That would make me not trust THEM!! Sorry, but it's a hard no! They would likely try to poison your kids against you, even if covertly. I mean, the message it sends to your kids is that there's something wrong with Mom but these guys are wonderful. Nope.
*** Stop telling lies about me and I'll stop telling the truth about you. ***
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CantstandmyILs
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Re: BIL Keeping Contact
It's really petty and childish for their reasons. I stated before but here it is
Cause I am friends with BIL ex gf
So cause of my friendship his gf don't want him coming over. Isn't that a her and him problem. So he don't want to come over just in case she is there which is crazy cause that time they were broken 2 yrs and not once cross paths. I confronted him about it and that's what he chose.
It's been 9 yrs of NC with BIL and now this yr he chose to have contact with DH but still don't want me around. and then I see a msg of him at the park wtf nooo no no
Turning out like MIL here bring me the kids for me to see them. Im not going to your house.
IDK how I should bring it up to DH
Cause I am friends with BIL ex gf
So cause of my friendship his gf don't want him coming over. Isn't that a her and him problem. So he don't want to come over just in case she is there which is crazy cause that time they were broken 2 yrs and not once cross paths. I confronted him about it and that's what he chose.
It's been 9 yrs of NC with BIL and now this yr he chose to have contact with DH but still don't want me around. and then I see a msg of him at the park wtf nooo no no
Turning out like MIL here bring me the kids for me to see them. Im not going to your house.
IDK how I should bring it up to DH
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CantstandmyILs
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Re: BIL Keeping Contact
So last weekend this happened
Last Friday DH MS and I went to the movies and there he was BIL with his GF watching the same movie andtime as us. DH said hi to BIL. His GF didn't say hi. I also didn't say hi to neither. They were with two friends we associate with.
We sat in the front and they sat in the way back. When the movie ended we all went out the exit right at the same time. Ms and DH went to the bathroom so I was waiting outside and his gf went also to the bathroom. I said hi to the two friends. DH came out and told MS this is so and so that you always ask who this person is. I'm like umm he don't be asking for him. Not isn't true. MS just looked at him up and down and said umm ok.
IDK if he was hoping for a hand shake or hug or a wave. I hope not. I then said bye to the two friends cause my mom was sitting the baby.
I felt so awkward. IDK why cause I didn't do anything so i shouldn't feel weird.
DH took MS to the movies today. Hoping he didn't ran into BIL again. Esp cause I didn't went and he can have a convo with MS. He don't speak to my kids when Im around if we see him at his work store.
Last Friday DH MS and I went to the movies and there he was BIL with his GF watching the same movie andtime as us. DH said hi to BIL. His GF didn't say hi. I also didn't say hi to neither. They were with two friends we associate with.
We sat in the front and they sat in the way back. When the movie ended we all went out the exit right at the same time. Ms and DH went to the bathroom so I was waiting outside and his gf went also to the bathroom. I said hi to the two friends. DH came out and told MS this is so and so that you always ask who this person is. I'm like umm he don't be asking for him. Not isn't true. MS just looked at him up and down and said umm ok.
IDK if he was hoping for a hand shake or hug or a wave. I hope not. I then said bye to the two friends cause my mom was sitting the baby.
I felt so awkward. IDK why cause I didn't do anything so i shouldn't feel weird.
DH took MS to the movies today. Hoping he didn't ran into BIL again. Esp cause I didn't went and he can have a convo with MS. He don't speak to my kids when Im around if we see him at his work store.