MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

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MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby MountainLover » Mon May 07, 2018 4:34 am

Hi folks, long time no hear from unless you read on another site :). Please read my history here to fill in the blanks on this report if you're new. Lots of Llama Noms.

MIL had her long vaunted 90th on the 5th. As in the twinnies were crowing about plans for her 90th before her 85th, with expectations of a grand gala for which we and the other SIL ("good SIL" to us) and her DH would help foot the bill, all the cousins and extras would be invited, we'd spend a gazillion dollars on fancy party in "the club" (members only racist sexist organization in their town to which only the "right people" have ever belonged, doncha know....Hell, MIL can't even be a member herself, she only has rights because her late husband was a member), and, um, memories would be made.

Reality? MIL probably (we don't know or care) had a nice recognition in church on Sunday as one of the dinosaurs who BTW provide the majority of the support to the dying "society" congregation, the twinnies and their spawn (including the infamous robber addict head injured BF now almost husband because GREAT GRANDBABY) probably managed to hold a meal plus gift time, probably at Matriarch Twinnie's house, with the requisite cooing and squeaking about OMG HOW MUCH EFFORT MATRIARCH TWINNIE WENT TO in order to get a few balloons and maybe a Hallmark "happy 90th" streamer and order in most of the food (because MIL only eats about five things, assuming that all other foods make her fantasy ailments hurt worse).

The twinnies and the spawn managed to assemble for a meal and a cake and a few minutes to pose while MIL looked at her flower arrangements and opened whatever idiot thingies twinnies bought (MIL has begged them not to buy stuff for the past 15+ years, so they buy her religious items--from Catholic twinnie--and cheapass variations on ceramic yellow roses, hummingbirds and monarch butterflies, from Matriarch twinnies) and just MAYBE the grandspawn might have considered a plant or a bouquet.

Main thing? The great grandbrat (whose appearance suddenly legitimized everything about her parents, who are not married and whose living continues to be partially subsidized by MIL and the parents and the auntie *gag me*) is there to steal the show. Would be a fervent relief to MIL, she claims, because she (legitimately I think) doesn't want it to be all about her....except that it IS all about her because she bankrolls all of those people.

Conspicuously absent and blamed for everything from the taste of the cake to the weather to whatever? DH, who of course is brainwashed and kidnapped by yours truly. MIL has sent him holiday cards, some with checks, which he cashes but does not otherwise acknowledge. He's gotten kind of cold about that. He shrugs and says hey, I'll take her money. She crippled a part of my ability to provide for my wife so I'll take whatever she gives. YAY HIM!!!!!

Leading up to holidays and including this BIG twofer, 90th plus Mothers Day, he considers doing something and then doesn't. I'm so proud of him for ignoring this "milestone."

"Good SIL" is also absent from their frivolities and is, I promise you, the devil incarnate in their conversation. The Twinnies have assuredly used this time to drive home to MIL how evil we outsiders are and how they alone are there for her....cue will changes.

Do they think we "outsiders" care? HA!

I'm so glad we got out of there. Lots of things still hurt, but we're getting better.
MountainLover
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Mon May 07, 2018 7:38 am

Wow, huge kudos to your DH. A 90th bday is a big one to pull away from. I’m a “kidnapping DH, outsider” too. My DH opted out seeing his mother during a vacation we planned. MIL enlisted the help of DH’s Aunt who decided to throw herself a HUGE family reunion/birthday party. It’s probably the ONLY chance his mother will have ever had to see her two boys together in the same breathing space, she’s only 65 (ugh). She might try and plan a 70th party in five years, but until then, if she hasn’t pulled her head out and stopped her seething shenanigans, we’ll be missing that too. I feel your pain, although you’ve dodged a bullet, and avoided all that toxic crap that goes along with participating, you still feel the effects emotionally. Even by not going, the energy vampires still have a way of creeping in and sucking some life from you. Look at the company they keep, we outsiders are better off, outside and away from them. I’m proud for you and your DH, you did good. :D

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Mon May 07, 2018 11:16 am

Good to hear from you, MountainLover.

It seems the Twinnies and the others are up to their old tricks. It's shocking that they think they can get away with all the stuff they pulled and still have your DH behave as if nothing happened. It's as if your ILs (and long ago, mine) expect our DHs to consider the past to be water under the bridge. In truth, the bridge was washed out by the flood of BS they spewed and can't be rebuilt. Your DH has caught on and I'm so happy for you that you both moved and moved on.

I cheered for him keeping the money, although I'd usually oppose that. They did cost you a bunch of money and they owe you both, whether they ever acknowledge it or not.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby momjeans » Mon May 07, 2018 11:18 am

“Dinosaur” :lol:

This post is too funny.

And kudos to your DH!
Not my family. Not my flying monkeys.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby Melody » Mon May 07, 2018 11:26 am

What Ruby and Momjeans said. And hi there!

Happy to see miserable "traditions" go the way side - A happier ending than "Dirty Dancing", lol.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby MountainLover » Wed May 09, 2018 3:53 am

rubycrownedkinglet wrote:Good to hear from you, MountainLover.

It seems the Twinnies and the others are up to their old tricks. It's shocking that they think they can get away with all the stuff they pulled and still have your DH behave as if nothing happened. It's as if your ILs (and long ago, mine) expect our DHs to consider the past to be water under the bridge. In truth, the bridge was washed out by the flood of BS they spewed and can't be rebuilt. Your DH has caught on and I'm so happy for you that you both moved and moved on.

I cheered for him keeping the money, although I'd usually oppose that. They did cost you a bunch of money and they owe you both, whether they ever acknowledge it or not.


They sure DO owe us. Let's see, at $200 per year (b-day and Christmas checks), it would take something like 20 years for the old bat to pay back the $4K Matriarch Twinnie's asshattery cost us.

I don't actually know anything about what they did for MIL. It's just that every holiday celebration is the same. This one would have just had a little more foo-foo than usual.

It's wonderful to finally feel some peace in our lives.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby Melody » Wed May 09, 2018 8:25 am

@Mountainlover - if you're OK with it, please share the other site name or PM me. I was the Melody4 on another site. Thank you!
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby Photomama16 » Thu May 10, 2018 12:13 am

That’s a big milestone to step away from! Good for your DH!! Im sure that you are being considered as evil incarnate. Im the one who “kidnapped” my DH and “broke up the family” :lol:
I’m glad that you are able to have some peace, it’s nice when the in-law crap just doesn’t matter anymore.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby Yacky » Fri May 11, 2018 4:01 pm

I think we'd all love to know what other site you enjoy :)

Good for your DH! Naturally you will be to blame for him growing a spine and standing up to horrible treatment, but I say it's a badge worth wearing with pride. We don't kidnap and hogtie these men, but we encourage and inspire them to accept only unconditional love and respectful behavior. **THAT** is a label I am happy to wear...and to hell with what the cronies and flying monkeys have to say about us...as if their opinions have any bearing on our lives whatsoever.
~~ Some people really need a great big high-five....to the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby MountainLover » Sun May 27, 2018 3:48 am

Oh, I just assumed lots of other people knew about it. It's "Dealing With Inlaws Nation" (DWIL) on babycenter.com. Someone from here connected me to there.

That group is busy and rather different from this one. You need a thick Internet skin to thrive there, because it can "sound" quite brutal at times. The high volume of traffic means you can get totally inundated with responses in no time flat, and it can feel like "they're ganging up on me."

It's not for everyone. I'm glad to have both options.
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Re: MIL turned 90 and DH ignored her

Postby Melody » Sun May 27, 2018 4:52 pm

Cool - I'll check it out. My kids aren't babies anymore. And I think I know what you're saying.

I belong to another site (non-in-law related and lots of different types of general questions). I answered a parent who had a concern about their 13 year old, but had another poster make a nasty reply to ME about "invading the 13 year old's privacy". (Because I spoke in private to the pediatrician about a concern I had about her well being).

I cooled off a little, then asked if she was a parent, social worker or teacher and only got response that I "shouldn't feel bad about my mistakes" and she went on to tell me that "it would have been discovered in a routine checkup". (Completely wrong). Well a dad on the forum stepped in (pro asker and my response) and said that some people on the forum couldn't possibly be a parent or come up with more most ridiculous advice. But it did make me livid and wonder about who the nasty responder was (13 year old girl herself? Someone with babies who thinks they know about teenagers?). Whatever.
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