Mother’s Day was a success!

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Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby momjeans » Mon May 14, 2018 12:19 pm

And by success I mean:

- No contact - Not to say MIL didn’t try. I have her blocked on my phone and all social media. In the past, she has sent me Facebook messages to wish me a “Happy” whatever, even after declining her friend requests several times. This year - nothing, and it was nice.

- DH didn’t bring up his mother once. That doesn’t mean he didn’t wish her a happy Mother’s Day via text, or talk to her when he took our children out for a walk. I didn’t ask. I did privately ask my oldest if she talked to MIL on the phone while out on a walk, though, because I wouldn’t put it past DH to pull this, sadly. When I told him I was going no contact, I told him that included our children (because the in-laws behavior around our children has been shady at best. My MIL often tells my DH’s oldest that she cannot tell her mother, DH’s Ex, things - and I’m NOT okay with that behavior at all). She said “No”. This is good. Hopefully DH is getting on-board.

DH also didn’t pull the “Hey, my dad wants to know if we want to meet for lunch. What should I tell them?” crap this year either. I am a little curious if FIL asked, but I’m not going to inquire.

While I do haves them blocked on Facebook, I did take a peak, through an anonymous account, at FIL’s Facebook, because he never fails to be MIL’s drama-filled flying monkey. I noticed last night he posted some photos and titled his post “Just some memories....” :roll:

I looked at MIL’s, in hopes for a public post goody, but no dice. She locked down her account a couple years ago after I called her out on some horrific behavior she involved me in on Facebook. In fact, her last public post is a picture of two of their MANY dogs. They both have muzzles on and the title of her post is “This is what happens when we both want to be in charge”. To any one, this would seem meaningless, but I know what she means. :lol:

And I know, I know. I shouldn’t care enough to lurk at their social media, but I do it for a couple reasons: 1) It's the easiest way to be aware of danger or drama on the horizon, and 2) If they're talking smack, I need to put it in the burn book that is my memory for the next time they come around faking nice.
Boundaries ensure that the consequences of people’s actions land squarely on them.
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby Yacky » Mon May 14, 2018 2:10 pm

Hooray for a contact-free Mother's Day! It sounds like your hubs is finally getting the hint that he shouldn't even ask about contact on Mother's Day - kudos to him! I also peek at the IL's FB pages from time to time via DH's FB account (he hardly ever uses it and he **asked** me to keep tabs on it for him in case there's a family emergency or something he should immediately know about, or if I need to be his "social secretary" and wish FB friend's a happy birthday or whatever - but only if I happen to check it for him that week).

Anyway, I hope your Mother's Day was lovely :)
~~ Some people really need a great big the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby Nevermore » Mon May 14, 2018 6:09 pm

This sounds like my day as well. Only difference is MIL did not even try to get in touch with me. She never has. Mother's Day is all about HER. Even in the past, when I actually made an attempt and saw her on this day, she never wished me a happy Mothers Day. Why should she? I was the evil witch that moved her son away from her town and dared raise my own kids my own way. I spent years and shed tears trying to fit in with that miserable family. No more. No Contact is like being released from a lengthy prison sentence. I'm new to it. I don't think any of them really care, but they don't realize yet that my kids and I are a package deal.
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby Hiddenjem » Mon May 14, 2018 11:14 pm

Dh bought his mom tray 6 packs of flowers while he at the store with me, Then, planted them with her.

I didn't remind him to buy a card. He didn't buy one.

However, she hates pink and I reminded him not to get pink flowers. He made a face and said that he doesn't see how she could not like pink. I reminded him that there is nothing girly about his mom and why is he surprised. He bought boring red flowers.

I could of kept my mouth shut and let him buy her the multi tones of pinks that he wanted to buy of flowers! She would of hated them and they would look terrible with her house color though.

I didn't buy her anything or send her a card but I saved her from getting pink flowers.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby momjeans » Tue May 15, 2018 8:57 am

Nevermore wrote:Mother's Day is all about HER.

Oh, it most definitely is with my MIL, too. Until I really caught on to the dynamics of DH’s family, I found myself often wondering why MIL even bothered with me, because it was painfully obvious she disliked me. She snubbed me the rest of the year, so why the fake niceties? I thought...

It quickly became clear she wished me meaningless “Happy...” whatevers because 1)
She wanted me to wish her the same, and 2) It was all for show for DH to please him. MIL knows if I don’t play/participate/ or acknowledge, that 99% of the time DH won’t either.

Nevermore wrote:No Contact is like being released from a lengthy prison sentence. I'm new to it. I don't think any of them really care, but they don't realize yet that my kids and I are a package deal.

I agree. It messed me up, trying to figure out if I was coming or going with MIL for the first few years. Once I stopped caring how my nonexistent relationship with my DH’s toxic MIL would effect her (or him), and I let go of the rope - because that’s what I was doing: I was toeing the line, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
Boundaries ensure that the consequences of people’s actions land squarely on them.
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby Melody » Tue May 15, 2018 10:00 am

I'm so happy to hear such upbeat and great stories! I had a lovely Mother's Day as well, but I almost blew it with PTSD from prior Mother's day's. I have never expected much BUT DH has deep seated mother issues (left at an orphanage, adopted mother kind of stunk, and now stepmonster'is "the good one"). Stepmonster had DH so well trained he was CONSTANTLY buying her (and more ofen me for a while) expensive gifts - and WHAT a see you next Tuesday.

I just couldn't help to think the same this year. It was compounded by a mother's day card - this time with a return address and my name ALMOST spelled correctly. It contained sum of money that would cover HALF the shipping cost of what DH usually sends her. I asked DH who it was from (if it was FIL I would have called or texted his cell phone as a thank you) but DH wouldn't say. (AKA manipulative BEOTCH).

But DH spent HALF what i thought he did on a completely thoughtless gift.) he got me an amazing one - from the kids of course (Wink Wink). I didn't have to hear him call her (which he did for three weekends in a row about her stupid latest project only to listen, without her even being on speaker phone, blab about her boring existance until he cut her off at 45 minutes. Ugh.

Instead we went for a hike at a local nature preserve and it was lovely - and the weather was amazing. If my eldest was home from college, it would have been the absolutely perfect day.
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Re: Mother’s Day was a success!

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Wed May 16, 2018 8:59 am

I’m so happy it was a success!! I still can’t believe the comparison :lol: ... I swear we have the same MIL/DH package deal. He takes his calls away from home, mostly while he’s at work. I’m always very curious what they chat about, if I’m mentioned. I hate that feeling every time his phone chimes in an incoming text, It’s ALWAYS in my head that it’s her, the “other woman” HIS MOTHER. She just can’t leave him alone and I feel she loves the fact that their talks are private, like she has some special connection she gets to have with him, a special secret they share. God I hate her, physically hate the woman.

I have my own little snoop accent too :lol: ... I checked to see if she got any flowers. I asked DH and he said no, he didn’t send any. It would have destroyed me if he had.

Anyway, my Mothers Day was nice and quiet. Not entirely stress free because I’ve allowed myself to let this woman in my head. Still working on that. It would help if I knew he would stop chatting with her for at least a week at a time, nope, gotta be every day to help keep up her image.

Thanks for sharing your post, it helps me immensely. I enjoy being able to share and know that some are out there experiencing the same. It can wear you out going through this stuff, especially with the Flying Monkeys playing physiological warfare. That’s another day, another post :roll:

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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