Differences Between IL's and My Dad

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Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby Yacky » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:54 am

Morning,

I just wanted to toss out this little tidbit today to highlight the differences between "healthy", loving grandparents and toxic @$$#oles. DH has posted several times this month with photos of our family activities. Let me clarify: **I** have posted on his FB page, because if I didn't, DH never would (he hates social media), and so none of our extended family would ever know how awesomely we are doing, and I take great pleasure in showing them how happy our lives are 8)

So, on a picture of DD, my father wrote "Oh, I wish I was there with you so I can help and of course give you a great big hug!". Not to be outdone, my FIL wrote "Looks good, looks like a team effort" (at least it was polite, but you can see there's no real warmth there). And then, of course, La Bruja had to put in her 2 f'ing cents: on a photo where my son is about to make a shot while we were playing mini golf, La Bruja wrote "I'll have to ask grandad about that grip".

What the actual f%@#? So she's suggesting that my son needs to be critiqued while we are HAVING FUN at a mini golf course?! I know this sounds crazy, B!t@#, but we didn't feel the need to be giving him golfing lessons on every single shot he was making on this FUN FAMILY OUTING.

It seems benign looking in from the outside, but it is just another highlighted example of how these toxic people cannot just have a normal, loving, supportive relationship with us. There's always some little dig, or some attempt to rain on the parade. DH just deleted the comment and said "Would it kill her to just talk about how much fun it looked like the kids were having?"....to which I responded "Sweetie, she doesn't understand the word "fun", and she certainly wouldn't want to acknowledge it in reference to **US**. She needs to be sowing seeds of insecurity or doubt. Always."

How do YOUR in-laws toss out little "benign" digs or attempts to rain on your parade??
~~ Some people really need a great big high-five....to the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:53 am

Since we don't have kids, it's different, but in the days before social media, when we visited on the phone or in person, we'd all share stories of what has been happening. Many of the members of my FOO were in exactly the same income range as the ILs but everything wasn't about money. They never reacted like they were resentful or envious or so disinterested that it made us regret sharing anything. In return, they shared things they or their children or GC had done and it was an enjoyable thing, just getting caught up.

Not so the ILs:
Whenever we would share stories or pictures with the PILs about a trip we took or some fun thing we did, it was always met with something like, "Oh, I guess you like those things." or "How do you stand bein' on a airplane? I hate flyin'. I ain't never gonna fly [continue rant for 20 minutes]."

The ESIBs reacted differently. It was often with overt resentment, like EBIL saying that we were flaunting our money in front of them, followed by a tantrum and him tearing out of the house.

With ESIL it usually went the "Southern way"...
"Gee, it must be nice going on a va-ca-tion. You're so lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get to go to the casino in the next town for an hour. Boy, that sure would be nice, if only we had gas money. If we can get some money from Momma and Daddy, you can watch Eddie Munster for an hour, right? If they won't give us any money, and they watch him, why don't you come with us? Wouldn't that be fun? [Add much drama] We never get to do things with you guys." :lol: *True story.*

Sooner of later I learned to keep stuff to myself. In the age of social media that may seem impossible, but maybe limiting the things your ILs see may result in less frustration. Still, it's so sad that they are nothing and nowhere for your kids.
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby Yacky » Mon Jun 25, 2018 2:42 pm

rubycrownedkinglet wrote:
Sooner of later I learned to keep stuff to myself. In the age of social media that may seem impossible, but maybe limiting the things your ILs see may result in less frustration. Still, it's so sad that they are nothing and nowhere for your kids.


lol, I love how you called their child Eddie Munster! I do already keep a ton of info away from the ILs. I only post just enough to show how happy we are as a family - it's a reminder that they could have been enjoying similar activities with us if they weren't so horrible to us when we lived in their country for a year back in 2015. Of course, I say that they could have "enjoyed" those activities with us, but of course we all know that it would require the hair across their @$$es and the sticks up their butts to be removed for them to actually enjoy time with us.

p.s. I don't actually allow it to frustrate me. I just think it's pathetic how starkly different these folks act as opposed to how normal, healthy grandparents act.
~~ Some people really need a great big high-five....to the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Tue Jun 26, 2018 8:47 am

I used to have a FB account, now twice I have had to deactivate it. It has only caused problems, mostly with my MIL. It’s funny, my MIL and I used to carry on chats either verbally or through texts almost daily. She would ask me every day how things are going in the house, she had to have her updates and I gave them to her. I am regretting the lack of boundaries set, yep, I earned what I’m receiving and I do kick myself. Well, any time she’d see a comment I made on a friends post or make one in my timeline, she would insert some rude question or comment that did NOT pertain to the topic hahaha... it was embarrassing as hell. It could be a post about a litter of puppies and she would chime in, “I thought you were at work today”. If I spent any time commenting or adding posts, that’s when she would show her true colors. She would ask questions of me that had something to do with our home life, or she might have had a discrepancy about a matter right there on FB instead of picking up the phone to call or text me. When it came right down to wanting to know the answer to something specific, she would not have the audacity to ask me in private. Some things need to be left in private, apparently those rules do no apply to her. She had even made a questionable comment on a post while she was in my house visiting us. She was in my living room and could not look up to ask me a question about a post, she had to do it socially hahaha. This woman is unreal. She was awesome at putting me on full blast when she has an audience. In private, she’s sweet and understanding :lol: :lol: :lol: ...

Added note: she blocked me on Facebook after she had another issue about a post. The most hilarious thing about that is the fact the woman DOES NOT POST, she never posts anything. Her FB is nothing more than a spy cam into lives. She basically did me a favor by blocking me, she’s not too smart but whatever. I finally pulled the plug on it just to be done with all of it. The DH hates it anyway. We send pictures to family via text where it’s more personal and exclusive sharing

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby jigglypuff » Fri Jun 29, 2018 12:18 am

"La Bruja" lol

I can clearly see her comment was a dig and if I were reading that on your FB page, I'd immediately think she was bitchy for posting it. You guys should have left it up so people can see what an ass she is.

At least your kids have one loving set of GPs.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby miwako » Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:40 am

My FIL loves to rain on everyone's parade. It's what he lives for. His favorite thing is to do something small for someone and then threaten to take it away. My husband claims he does that to make us aware that he is doing something for us so we will appreciate him. I think he does it to make us feel insecure.

Most parents let their early 20s age children come home to do laundry right? MIL was fine with it, I even brought my own soap, but FIL said he was going to start charging me to do it. I was doing laundry at their house because I was struggling to buy food, but sure, I'll just be here to profit some guy who makes $100k a year and just bought a $900 stereo.

There was a time we were out to visit and we all drove together to the city. We stopped at a fabric store I had wanted to check out for awhile. They dropped me off at the door and circled around to find parking. FIL came in a few minutes later announcing that he was in 5 minute parking so that was all the time I had. I knew this was a "joke" and stayed as long as I intended, but it soured my mood the rest of the trip.
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby Melody » Fri Jun 29, 2018 12:16 pm

Ugh! You know its part show as in, "Well grandpa lovey dovey would LOOOOOOVE to help sweetie sweetie grandson out". "what awesome grandparents WE are!!!!" But yes, total b*tch move, because even if you were at they were at the driving rang AT the same time, one stall over, they STILL wouldn't do squat. I second that its great your kids have SOME decent grandparents.

@Ruby - I hate that crap. Everyone makes their own decisions. I have friends that have all but apologized in front of our social groups for taking a nice vacation or buying a nice car. I've told them in private to cut it out! Everything is a trade off. To my friends that have fewer or no children and worked their butts off, I WANT to hear about their awesome vacation to an exotic place or check out your cool new car! There HAS to be a payoff! I'm happy where I'm at, and would be upset if my friends didn't have something to feel great about too.

Your BIL & late SIL did't put the effort in, and - suprise.... How awful they attempted to drag you down. And what do THEY have to take a vacation from? Responsibility? SMH!!!
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Re: Differences Between IL's and My Dad

Postby Photomama16 » Sat Jul 07, 2018 12:18 am

Yacky wrote:
So, on a picture of DD, my father wrote "Oh, I wish I was there with you so I can help and of course give you a great big hug!". Not to be outdone, my FIL wrote "Looks good, looks like a team effort" [/u][/i][/b]


Same here. Our FIL sound a lot alike. I read what yours said and thought “that could have easily come out of my FIL’s mouth” it is so irritating. My oldest completely gets it. And he shouldn’t! He is too young, and shouldn’t have to see his grandfather acting like a colossal ass. On the other hand, my dad genuinely wants to be involved in our kids lives. He loves them to pieces. DH has finally gone NC with narc FIL (thank GOD! I thought this day would never come!!)
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