Christmas without the ILs

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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Christmas without the ILs

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Dec 24, 2018 10:11 am

Is anyone else who is lucky enough to have the ILs in the rear view mirror as relieved as I am? For those of you struggling, there is hope. Maybe 2019 will be the year that your SO sees the light and you are able to cut off the ones who will never really be family to you.

When I began posting on this site, I had already been NC with the ILs for several months, but I wasn't rid of them because ESIL kept reaching out and trying to suck us back in. We didn't cave, regardless of the guilt we felt. We were strong and resolute that it WAS our choice to be free of the ESIBs.

I just celebrated the 7 year anniversary of when DH finally cut off ESIL. It's been two years since she died and we got one last message from EBIL, her brother, to inform us of her death. We didn't respond at all. Nothing since. I think he finally got the message.

I don't have any of the ILs from my DHs adoptive family on my radar at all this Christmas. I haven't cyber-spied on them, I haven't heard from either of the two who are left alive, and I've given them little thought as the season has unfolded. I'm sure they are getting along just fine and they are hopefully not thinking of DH and I at all.

ESILs kid, Eddie Munster is 16 and I wonder about him a little because we always sent him a gift and sent ESIL money to buy his Christmas gifts so that he would have something under the tree. Last I saw, after ESIL died, he was not living with CluelessBIL his DF, but was living with CBIL's sister in the neighboring state. He's a pretty troubled kid, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's in Juvvie, but I hope he's OK, wherever he is.

May you all have a blessed holiday and peace with your ILs or peace from your ILs.
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby Melody » Mon Dec 24, 2018 12:31 pm

Hopefully Eddie Munster is doing OK, and the relatives he's living with are treating him well. He's had some rough breaks. 16 is kind of a critical age, where he will have much more freedom over his own destiny. So now its up to him.

I've posted already and am lucky to not have to deal with the ILs (we're seeing the good ones tomorrow). But as for the rear view mirror, stepmonster is like the liquid metal terminator.

Have a wonderful Christmas Rubycrownedkinglet!
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby jigglypuff » Tue Dec 25, 2018 8:37 am

But as for the rear view mirror, stepmonster is like the liquid metal terminator.

This almost made me spit out my water, lmao! :lol:

I hope the family Eddie Munster is now with helps him with some stability. Maybe they're a more positive influence on him and he's better adjusted now. We can only hope for the best because the last thing our society needs is another troubled, angry soul.

I'm sure my DH misses spending holidays with his big rotten family but for me, it was nothing but obligation.

I don't miss the backhanded comments, indirect insults slung at me between conversations, petty political/religious arguments started by BIL and ESIL's eye rolling and ugly resting bitch face. Even some of their gifts were passive-aggressive towards me. Most of the time the family would barely talk and just watch tv like mindless zombies.

The only good thing was MIL's cooking. She's a good cook but most older Hispanic women tend to be because it's traditional in our culture. That was the only highlight of my holiday memories with them and having fun with the kids which I miss dearly.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby WhyOhWhy » Tue Dec 25, 2018 3:29 pm

Happy 7th Year Of Freedom!

We are fortunate that our get together with my hub's family was only for a few hours, as everyone is super busy this time of year and both sides have lots of other people to visit, things to do, places to travel to etc.

This year I kept mostly to myself and tended to my children which is always a fairly sound strategy to keep myself busy and less a target of unwanted comments/questions/suggestions that don't always smack of sincerity (I'm being polite here). All in all, it was a fairly uneventful Christmas Eve. I actually prefer to see them on Christmas Eve so that our Christmas Day can be just for ourselves, with joyful people popping by in the afternoon to share their Christmas Cheer with us with no fears that someone will make a passive aggressive comment or act inappropriately.

Merry Christmas Everyone
I will not let them drag me down to their level again
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Dec 26, 2018 11:56 am

Thank you Ruby!! Same to you and wishes for a Happy and Healthy 2019 IL mess free.

I too hope for good things to come for “Eddie Munster”, you never know.

I love Melody’s responses to posts too, always a good idea to not be sippin’ on anything when reading her stuff haha.. “liquid metal terminator” is priceless and soooo relatable haha.

My DH asked me to send him the video I took of our awesome indoor snowball fight. I bought a box some cool, fluffy foam snowballs from Walmart and it seemed to be the best ending to our Christmas morning marathon of fun with the kids and grandkiddo’s. Anyway, I am 100 percent certain the Old Shrew finally wore DH out for photos. I overheard him telling her on the phone that he doesn’t take pics, he enjoys the moment, I knew this meant it was all up to me to help him out Blah blah blah, I’ve been waiting for him to cave and ask me to forward my video. My blood started pumping and heart racing as I read his text, I hated the thought of indulging her with a glimpse into our day. All the kids have zero posts on social media, she’s got nada from anyone. (I don’t have FB anyway)... sooooo, I doctored the video slightly with some fun graphics and festive music to enhance all the hoopla she WAS NOT a part of. So my dig was a big fat Ha Ha, look at what you tried so hard to take away from me. This is what the old shrew was missing out on. That’s all she gets, I hope she enjoys it, especially the balloons left over from the DH’s bday party where she sent nothing to her precious son.

When DH asked about the card MIL sent, he questioned if their was the usual check included, I told him, “no”. His response, “she’s punishing me”. That was gift enough for me, his final dot connecting to what his mother is pulling. He still indulged in the video sent, but that’s him being in her control. There’s hope, I’m just waiting patiently for that rope to strangle her, he just needs to drop it first.

I might give update, it’s short lol, in my “The Inevitable Gift” post about the outcome of my lovely present I had to send to the bitter old one.

Omg hahahaha... I finally see it LMAO, omg, no one said a thing “Inevitable”. I did not see I spelled it with an E :lol: ... oh heavens, you have to know me to get me lol

**Quit lookin’** :lol: it’s been corrected ...yay!!

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby willthetruthbetold » Sat Jan 12, 2019 8:41 am

RubyCrownedKinglet- I am lucky enough not to have my ILs messing up our Christmas or other holidays anymore. I'm glad that you have yours well in the past, and hope that Eddie Munster can overcome his toxic early years.
FIL stopped vacationing near us the year that MIL died. The first Christmas without them was so calm, meaningful, cozy and upbeat that I was nearly overcome with the beauty of it all. Our grown children both said that it was the best Christmas ever. That was several years ago, and I never take a non-IL Christmas for granted.
I've posted in the past about how MIL and FIL would sabotage our Christmas and New Year's Eve, being so rude, taking over the master bedroom, criticizing everything, rejecting our carefully chosen gifts for them (FIL threw his gift back at my face one year, MIL ordered me not to ever give her clothes/food/cologne/flowers again, but raved about how Golden SIL had given her clothes/food/cologne/flowers), criticizing our DD and DS and mocked me for every single thing that I said or did. I've also posted about how FIL used to grab my butt until I threatened to punch him in the face. I was a quivering mess before, during and after their visits. The year that GSIL and her husband, pervert-BIL and their DS and DD visited, I heard nothing but commands and criticisms.
I longed for the day that we could have a Christmas without them.
We had a lovely Christmas again this year, which included our 4 grandchildren. No one mentioned DH's side of the family at all. I called nice-SIL a couple of days before Christmas and she told me that they had already celebrated it a week before. Seriously!
The only concern that I had was that felony-niece was supposedly in a rehabilitation program for her sex, drug and alcohol addictions not far from where we live, over 2000 miles from their town. Pervert-BIL was spending time with her at Christmas instead of being with his wife/GSIL. He has gone back to drinking heavily. So why was he with felony-niece, who was supposed to be detoxing? I was concerned that they might somehow end up on our doorstep, maybe having one of their drunken screaming fights that brought the police. Thankfully, that didn't occur.
I wish you all the joy of a stress-free, IL-free future!
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby livingmylifeforme » Tue Mar 05, 2019 9:02 pm

I realize this is a little late, but yes I had a very nice in-law free Christmas Eve and Christmas. We actually spent both days with my side of the family. My Aunt is a nurse so she only had Christmas Eve off so we did our family dinner that night, and then had a nice smaller Christmas Day/dinner with my mom and grandma. It was a nice day full of joy. My family loves my DH and treats him with respect, so family events are pleasant and enjoyable.

Here's to wishing everybody a better 2019!
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby miwako » Wed Mar 06, 2019 8:22 am

Since Grandma passed earlier in the year, none of the ILs had any reason to come out for Christmas. The years when they didn't we still saw Grandma, just the 3 of us. I thought it would be sad not having anywhere to go or anyone to see on Christmas. Then, shortly before the end of my Christmas Eve shift at my retail job, I thought "I'm going to go home, put on my pajamas, and eat leftover Chinese food." :lol: It was the best Christmas ever!!!
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Re: Christmas without the ILs

Postby Melody » Wed Mar 06, 2019 9:26 am

@Miwako - I worked retail for about two minutes, if it was any longer I can't imagine anyone that does wanting to do anything BUT stay home and turn down the lights and certainly not listen to any track loop holiday music! (How do you keep your sanity?).

I relate to you posting this now. I've already looked at the calendar for December 2019 with a sigh of relief. DH works late on the Eve too, so we probably won't have to even deal with that question from his Paaaaaarents. (His lovely cousin hosts a really fun Christmas Day - so we always go.)

FYI, depending on the demographic where you live (and by that I mean Jewish, lol) - you might be able to order fresh Chinese takeout! (since the Chinese New Years is a more important holiday) and take in a movie. If DH's cousin didn't host, that would be my first choice of plans!
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