Family Reunion Nagging

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Family Reunion Nagging

Postby miwako » Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:00 pm

FIL is still at us to come out to his state for the annual family reunion, and my husband is still being non committal and saying that "maybe" we're going. They're going to be staying at FIL's sister's house, and he expressed hope that her cat would die before the event. Who does that?

Also apparently SIL is going to be there, and it will be the first time she plans to see her father since their estrangement. Because that sounds like a great idea. :roll: Is there I way I can not go but also send a camera? :lol:
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby jigglypuff » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:04 am

FIL is still at us to come out to his state for the annual family reunion, and my husband is still being non committal and saying that "maybe" we're going. They're going to be staying at FIL's sister's house, and he expressed hope that her cat would die before the event. Who does that?


I think your DH is just saying that so he won't have to deal with them badgering him. And wtf is FIL's problem with the cat? Does he dislike the fact that the cat's presence is more pleasurable than his own?

Is there I way I can not go but also send a camera?


Skype! You can watch the madness ensue while remaining in the comfort of your own home! If it turns into a shitshow, you can even record it and re-watch it whenever you please! :D :twisted:
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby miwako » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:13 am

It's weird because him not saying "no" is what makes them badger him! They're like "Well, which is it?" and then they ask for months until he finally says "no", or they realize it's too late. As for the cat, FIL is allergic, but I think it's a bit of an extreme to wish someone's pet to die because he has an overactive immune system. I mean, it's not the animal's fault.

Skype! Great idea!! :lol: :twisted:
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby willthetruthbetold » Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:00 am

Maybe your DH wants you to be the one to say that you don't want to go so that he doesn't get hassled by his FOO.
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby Melody » Wed Jan 16, 2019 7:52 am

As I read I got concerned that your cat was sick - but then realized your FIL was just being the @hole he is. (My ODS is taking medical classes which I'm pretty sure was inspired by her nursing the cat she had known all her life when it was struck with cancer) - we had another that had rare - and hideous - autoimmune problems.

And that would be my excuse. The cat IS sick (aren't you THRILLED FIL?) and I'm staying home to take care of him/her. DH do what ever you want!
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby PutMILinherplace » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:50 pm

miwako wrote:FIL is still at us to come out to his state for the annual family reunion, and my husband is still being non committal and saying that "maybe" we're going. :


There should be no "us" it should be just DH. Let DH deal with it. Make it clear you will not be going no matter WHAT DH says and then stick by that. Let him deal with it if he wont be a grown up and tell them. Honestly, I think DH is dragging this along because he is hoping to change your mind or the in-laws will put a deposit on something like airline tickets and then he can tell you, "Oh, we HAVE to go now because the deposit is nonrefundable." If that happens, stick to your guns and go, "oh, too bad for them, guess you should have told them we weren't coming. Bummer. After loosing the money, I hope they will learn a valuable lesson."

If for some reason you get stuck talking to them, I would ask shocked and tell them that DH should have already told them that the two of you arent coming. When they ask or demand to know why, you can tell them you are adults and owe no one any answer to that question. If you dont feel you are strong enough, make up some excuse about work.
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby miwako » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:42 pm

The aunt who lives in the city where the reunion is taking place sent out emails to everyone so we can RSVP. I want to just directly tell her no, but I don't have her email. The RSVP wasn't sent to me, just my husband. I don't want to tell FIL directly because I don't want to deal with that tantrum. I've toyed with the idea of talking to SIL, but largely feel like doing that is pointless. I thought about trying to talk to the previously mentioned aunt about the situation, but what am I really trying to accomplish? Am I trying to work things out with the family? Fat chance, I know no one is on my side. Am I just trying to get validation? What good is that? I'm the only one whose opinion on my abuse matters. Am I trying to be understood? These dense MFs can't understand anything even if I were to break out the crayons and sock puppets to explain it.

So I guess I'm just going to have to text RSVP Aunt and tell her we're not going, and when asked why, tell her "Various circumstances." :lol:
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby WhyOhWhy » Tue Mar 05, 2019 3:33 am

My hubs' FOO lives so spread out apart from one another, that they don't do family reunions really (except for the Sacred Inner Circle). We live far enough away and my hubs has such a busy schedule at work that we legitimately have good excuses to miss any they might have anyway (not that they'd want us there. Oh, they'd pay lip service to wanting us there, but actions speak louder than words, and they've made it clear by their actions that any invitation would be purely so they could tell others that they invited us).
I will not let them drag me down to their level again
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Re: Family Reunion Nagging

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Mar 05, 2019 11:25 am

WhyOhWhy wrote:Oh, they'd pay lip service to wanting us there, but actions speak louder than words, and they've made it clear by their actions that any invitation would be purely so they could tell others that they invited us).

...AND the most important part: That you said 'no'.
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