To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei

Re: To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Postby rdavis3 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 9:59 am

I couldn't agree more with you guys!

Yes, I probably should have consulted with my husband BEFORE sending back the RSVP--but in my eyes, him and I have had this convo 100 times, and we are just going in circles. I did what I thought was best, and have no regrets. The RSVP is not set in stone. If he wants to go, a piece of paper isn't going to halt that, but it does send a message from me to them since I literally just put an X on the regrets line without even putting our names. They'll figure it out from the postal mark. Rude? Definitely. But it was also rude not to reach out on my daughters 1st birthday, but want to be painted as grandparent of the century. #notgonnahappen.

What blows my mind about all this is that these weren't great parents to my husband to begin with. His mother physically and mentally abused him and his father left when he was 2, even being aware of the mothers abuse and ignored it. When my husband went to him and asked for help his advice was "You know how your mother is, just stay out of her way." Like are you kidding me? Thats abuse all on it's own. Now I totally get that much like any type of relationship, its easy for the victim to protect their abusers. This is no different. My husband constantly makes excuses for the piss poor behavior. So last night I said I wanted to be held at the same standards. I want the same excuses. He didn't like that. And I think we made some progress and that he was getting where I was coming from..FINALLY.

The RSVP should be arriving today, so I'm curious to know if DFIL will reach out to confirm. I'll keep you updated! Thanks everyone for writing back and listening! <3
rdavis3
Annoyed
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2018 8:42 am

Re: To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Postby livingmylifeforme » Tue Mar 05, 2019 4:36 pm

I totally understand. At a certain point, you’re like “F—— it! They’ve been nothing but rude to me, and I’m DONE!” I know I felt that way when I cut off my in laws. Let us know how it plays out.
livingmylifeforme
Angry
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:08 pm

Re: To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Postby jigglypuff » Tue Mar 05, 2019 7:28 pm

Yes, I probably should have consulted with my husband BEFORE sending back the RSVP--but in my eyes, him and I have had this convo 100 times, and we are just going in circles. I did what I thought was best, and have no regrets.


I agree with you and totally support what you did. Is it seen as "rude"? Maybe but who cares since the ILs have been rude little pricks from day one.

My husband constantly makes excuses for the piss poor behavior. So last night I said I wanted to be held at the same standards. I want the same excuses. He didn't like that.


I love what you said to him! He needed to hear that.

My MIL wasn't a great mother to my DH either. Hell, she didn't even raise him, his GM did. Thank God because I believe this is why my DH was spared turning into a narcissist. GM raised BIL for a little while too and he also isn't a narc but he's so desperate to please his family, he's become a flying monkey.

DH has admitted he feels this odd obligation to his mother and I've told him that's because she has made him feel that way. She wants her children to worship and please her like she's their god. That isn't normal!

Deep down within your DH, he probably feels the same because that's how he was brainwashed as a child. Abusers do some crazy damage to a child's psyche. Something that's extremely difficult for the brain to break free from.

I hope the ILs don't cause you any unneeded drama but even if they do, eff 'em.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
jigglypuff
Nuclear
 
Posts: 2246
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Postby rdavis3 » Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:01 pm

I thought I'd give a quick update for those who are following..

FIL never reached out after I sent back the RSVP. The story is kind of telling itself as far as the relationship goes. I'm not going to stress it moving forward, and I have intentions on making other out of town plans during the weekend of the wedding.
rdavis3
Annoyed
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2018 8:42 am

Re: To RSVP or to NOT RSVP *Updatex2

Postby livingmylifeforme » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:32 pm

Well, it is only March. He may reach out closer to the wedding. Yes!! Book a nice luxury vacation or hotel for you and your DH now. That way if your FIL does reach out you can honestly say that you have plans, and you can politely remind him that you sent back the RSVP with the “regrets” box checked.
livingmylifeforme
Angry
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:08 pm

Previous

Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest