What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

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What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby Mara » Mon Mar 25, 2019 1:30 am

Been contemplating what to do with my photos and videos of the evil IL's (specifically the digital files). We've been NC since the middle of 2016, and at this point the chance of us ever reconnecting is extremely slim. I'm just curious what you would do in my situation, or what you have done in yours?

I was the family photographer. I took all the family photos, no one else even owned a camera (and at the time no one had a good camera phone either). The only photos the ILs have are the ones I printed for them.

Whenever I look through photos (for various reasons), seeing the evil ILs triggers many negative emotions.

One side of me wants to get rid of all (or most) of the photos of them. But then, I'm also extremely interested in genealogy, and I see the value of preserving these memories for future generations.

My current idea is to create a separate folder for IL-related photos so that I never have to see them, but they are still available for posterity.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:48 am

For some reason this reminds me of that Oprah episode when she has someone clean out her closets. If you haven’t worn it in four years, toss. Same goes for stuff. If you have boxes of things that you haven’t seen or missed in years, toss that crap.

However, with these photos, I have more questions. Do these people know of them? Is there a chance that they’ll ask for them?

You’ve been NC for three years, with no possible encounters in sight. I think it’s very kind of you to think about keeping for others and future generations to appreciate. If you hadn’t taken them, they would have never existed. You’ve kinda put yourself in your own delima because they exist from your time taking them.

I had my phone full of photos of my MIL and my SS at a graduation ceremony. I gave her what she wanted and proceeded to permanently delete her from EVERY photo in my phone. I personally never want to see her face, not ever.

In your case, yeah, put them all on a single drive that you tuck away in a box and place in storage, never to see the light of day. If they’re ever discovered, that’s cool for whoever.

I’m a finalizing kind of person. There isn’t one pic of her in this house, not one. If my DH wants a photo of her, he can take it himself and put it where he wants. The only photo we did have in this house at one time, was because I printed one out to place in a frame. He hasn’t gone through the trouble to have one of her, he has several of his dad and SM lol. I packed her photo in my SS’s bag when he moved out, it’s with him to do whatever.

Just remember, those photos only exist because you took them. Don’t feel obligated to keep them. It’s the others loss that they didn’t take the time to take their own or ask you for those you took. Don’t file separately, I would place on a single drive all alone and pack away.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby Melody » Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:49 am

Put them in storage - attic or basement. Then when your kids are teens, ask them if they want them. If yes, "here you go!" If no, bulk pickup day.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby PutMILinherplace » Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:59 am

From one who is also the photographer of the family.

I got rid of all the pics of my horrible MIL. Except one. And that was just in case I needed it for the police.

While I am also into genealogy, my great grandfather, on my grandmother's side told her when she was trying to discover her family's genealogy, "Let it go dear. Trust me. You dont want to know. Your mother and I have worked too hard to escape that part of the family which is why we have nothing to do with them and you dont know who they are. "

My grandmother, wisely listened.

If you wish, save one pic of each important part of the family or one of all of them, along with a note explaining that they were an evil, mentally cruel, toxic bunch which is why you cut off all contact with them and put in an envelope. Seal said envelope and put it away deep in a file of documents. Throw the rest out. If asked about them, you can honestly say you have no idea where they are. You owe no one anything.

Your children if they ask someday; You can tell them exactly what you wrote in the note and that it is best they move on with life with the relatives that lift them up not tear them down.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby miwako » Mon Mar 25, 2019 4:05 pm

I like the idea of saving them in a place where you never have to look at them.

I had an issue with my husband where he set up a screensaver for our computer. The images it pulled up were 90% cartoon art, but he also decided to throw in a handful of family photos. I told him it was upsetting to me to just randomly have a picture of FIL pop up, but he didn't want to hear it. For awhile I was turning the screensaver off when he wasn't there, but going back and forth was becoming annoying. My solution? I took the photos of FIL and gave them their own folder, leaving the photos he wasn't in. They're still safely saved on the computer, but not where I have to see them on a daily basis. It's been a couple of years since then, and he hasn't said anything.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby WhyOhWhy » Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:25 pm

I don't have many photos up in my home (does that make me a bad mother?!), and I definitely do not have any of the in-laws (there used to be a nice framed photo of Hubs' FOO that we used to have in our hallway of one of our previous homes, but somehow that has mysteriously been packed away and gosh darnit we just haven't come across it again to put it back up on the wall! I just cannot fathom the odds of that!)

I do also have digital photos, and they stay in a separate folder mainly so that if I'm ever called out on it, I can sweetly and meekly say "Of course I didn't get rid of them, Sweetie. They are your family after all!"

My husband is under no illusions that I couldn't or wouldn't destroy any/all photos of his family, but at the end of the day I would never give anyone the satisfaction of it. Unless my kids ever ask for copies of photos of their grandparents (unlikely, but you never know for geneology purposes, but my children have all been made aware - and have seen with their own two eyes - how horrid my in-laws are as human beings), they will stay stored on a terabyte storage drive we have.

Once hubs and I are dead and gone, one assumes that future generations will either look on that terabyte for interesting items, or they'll just chuck it. I'm fine either way.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Mar 26, 2019 2:04 am

I put all pictures of them in a box labeled Dh's relative's pictures. The box is located in the unfinished part of the basement. It is under a pile of boxes.

Dh has attempted framing pictures of inlaws and putting them on our walls and fireplace mantle. I removed them and put them in the box labeled them with his name and pictures of his relatives.

He has the option to walk around our country neighborhood to visit with 15 of his relatives! They do not need their pictures displayed in our home!

We have photo area in a corner of the living room from floor to ceiling on a wall with framed pictures of Dh, myself, our offspring as babies, children, growing up to adults and their significant others!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby willthetruthbetold » Tue Mar 26, 2019 6:21 am

This is a great question!
I don't display any photos of my ILs, but I have do have some of my FOO. DH doesn't seem to care if there are any photos of his family anymore, but he used to.
I suppose I could treat my ILs like my MIL did to me and our DD and DS- She had an entire wall devoted to family photos, with a giant picture of herself in the center and all other pictures arranged around it, as though she were the center of the universe. My Golden SIL and her kids were generously represented, most of which were expensive professional photos that MIL paid for. There was only one of me, the absolute least flattering candid photo taken at our wedding and I was holding a piece of cake. Someone had yelled, "Smash it into his face!" and I had turned to the person to say no, we promised each other not to do that. The photo was taken just as I turned and I had a strange look on my face. MIL had two small basic school photos of DD and DS. The three photos of us were concealed behind a fake plastic tree. It was a wonder, since MIL had insisted that we provide her with large photos of our kids several times a year, and they had to be taken by a professional photographer, not any candid photo, even if it was cute. After she died, none of the photos that I sent were ever found.
So if I were to treat her the same way, I would dispose of every photo taken of her except for one or two horrible ones. I have a good one, too, where she has her glasses on, her hair messed up in the wind and she was screaming at me for taking her photo without telling her. I could save that one and label it with her name for future generations!
I like the idea of putting the photos in a box and putting the box in a distant, dark corner somewhere. My grown DD and DS have absolutely no interest in DH's side of the family. One solution would be to give the box to "nice" SIL and she could give it to Golden SIL.
One thing that I do know is that there will be no images of MIL, FIL or GSIL displayed anywhere in my house.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:16 am

Wow Mara, I could have written your post a few years ago. Most of our pix were hard copies at the time.

Fortunately, I took advantage of the time in 2012 when DH was so furious with all the ILs and he asked me to trash the IL pics. He wanted to keep some with the PILs in them but I scanned and digitally edited the ESIBs and their spawn right out of them. I only kept one of the ESIBs that told a story. Years before, we'd copied the vintage photos of MIL and FIL. I kept those, not that DH has given them a look since.

The only ones I display are the framed portraits of each of the PILs with DH when he was a baby. When I see them, I relish the memory of EBIL stealing the PILs' copies from their house the night FIL died. EBIL didn't want them, he took them solely to hurt DH. It was wonderful to see his face later when I told him to 'enjoy them...we have copies'. :twisted:

All of the horrible ESIL "glamour shots" and school pix were torn and tossed into a big black garbage bag. All the atrocious EBIL rebel flag retro shots-gone. [I don't miss them at all..the pix or the peeps.] It was glorious to cover the mangled mess with backyard dog waste and kick it to the curb, literally.

Ironically, in November of 2016, I happened across a couple packets of duplicates of some of the ones I had trashed in 2012. I found them while searching and scanning shots for a slide show to send to (adopted) DH's wonderful new sister. We found her through AncestryDNA, and DH decided to reach out to her and meet her.

I flipped through the found prints as fast as I could and threw them out right away. DH never knew. Most were of ESIL, her clueless DH and kid, Eddie Munster. The very next day we found out ESIL had died overnight. The timing was beyond strange.

I like the advice to save one shot of each person or one of the group if you feel you must. I'd keep them anywhere you don't have to see them. If there is a site like Ancestry where you can upload them but not look at them regularly yourself, do that for your kids, maybe on a tree just for that side of the family. Then delete anything else you have...poof.
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby WhyOhWhy » Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:16 am

Hiddenjem wrote:He has the option to walk around our country neighborhood to visit with 15 of his relatives! They do not need their pictures displayed in our home!


Oh you poor thing to live so close to so much of his family!
I will not let them drag me down to their level again
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:12 pm

It is horrible having them so close!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: What to do with family photos of the evil ILs?

Postby mamarama » Thu Apr 04, 2019 8:53 am

Maybe you could donate them to the historical society of the town they live in? That way you feel like you are preserving them for posterity but never have to look at them ever again. Somebody somewhere might find use for them sometime down the road. In 50 years, they might be worth something to somebody who's doing research on the house they bought, or even the student who's doing a history report on the town, or something.
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