My MIL “The Punisher” lol

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My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Sat Apr 20, 2019 3:20 pm

Ok here it goes lol

In another post I wrote that my SIL announced that our DN decided she wants to come visit us in the middle of nowhere for her summer break.

DN had been asked a couple times to come see Gma. DN has her personal reasons why she does not want to go visit her Gma. DN had her feelings hurt when Gma (My MIL) didn’t let her know she was in town. No calls, texts, nothing during MIL’s 10 day stay. That’s another story.

My DH tells me that he hasn’t heard from his mother in 24 hours. I pretend to be surprised. I know it has to do with the fact that our DN chose to come see us and his M is distraught over it. So he’s being punished for the fact that our DN is coming to see us and not her.

A day later, the silent treatment has been lifted. MIL decided to call my DH and freak out over all of this. She accused my SIL and me of planning this trip for DN only to “get back at MIL”. We are doing whatever we can to “hurt our MIL”.

After listening to his mother rant over the trip our N is taking, my DH stops her and says, “you honestly think that your two DIL’s plotted to have our DN visit to get at you”? She says yes. He said, “well I have news for you, I had a phone conversation with my DN, she is the one who called and asked me (her Uncle) if she could come see me this summer”. He goes on to explain what happens and how unproductive things are when you assume. “Having an actual conversation would’ve debunked your theory”.

He asked my MIL if she thought about maybe calling up her DIL and have a conversation with her in order to make sure her plans are to truly hurt you. Have you asked if your GD could extend her vacation and fly out to Florida after she leaves here? Nope, my MIL responded with, “I didn’t want to upset my DIL”. Hahaha wow, this woman is searching for excuses to turn everything around to make her the victim.

To keep this post from getting too crazy detailed, basically with everything my DH explained to her she would turn it back on him as if he’s only trying to “hurt her”. She’s turned the tables on my DH now. He is totally maxed out. No conversation will get her to understand that the world is not out to “hurt her”. Now that she’s pulling this crap on him and she’s making sure there’s nothing he can do, he’s not pressing me. He told me “the ball is in her court now”... I think she needs to do us all a favor and stab that F’ng ball. I’m not taking it back.

He had another two hour convo with his mother today. He was ready to rip his face off. He finally sees that her reality is not true reality and it’s scary. The great thing for me out of this is that he doesn’t expect me to work miracles, much less have anything to do with her for now. She needs therapy, he suggested it twice, and of course, it was only to “hurt her”.

This woman would much rather be miserable. She won’t seek therapy, because god forbid it could work. Clearly, my DH cannot expect me to re kindle the broken.

To keep this post shorter, I’ll clear more up and go into detail in comments.

Edited to shorten
Last edited by KeeperOfPrecious on Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
KeeperOfPrecious
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Sun Apr 21, 2019 8:30 am

Jeez, that woman is some piece of work!

It's so much better that you stepped back and let your DH deal with her directly and exclusively. Otherwise he would never allow himself to believe that you aren't somehow exacerbating her crazy, or misinterpreting it and then relaying it. He has to hear it first hand to make him understand the way her mind is working.

There was a time many years ago that I didn't truly understand the depravity of my ESIL. I knew she lied and stole and a host of other things, but I didn't give her the credit for being able to manipulate people like she could. I remember the frustration of trying to explain her real self to DH, only to have him diminish it and only accept it as my opinion.

My MIL saw ESIL's real self and tried to explain it to me, and she tried to explain it to my FIL, but neither of us really understood. You don't want to believe that this person you have cared about and helped would lie to you to get you to pay her more. It wasn't until MIL died that each of us, one after the other, saw ESIL for what she really was. Regardless of anything we had ever done for her, she had no care for any of us, only herself.

One example: Her brother, EBIL, who had just gifted ESIL a SUV, asked her to help him with doing his "bidness" that his mother had taken care of his whole life. [For non-southerners, that means depositing his biweekly paychecks, then writing and mailing checks to pay his bills.] Two paychecks and four bills per month. That's all.

After the first month, ESIL demanded payment of $100 a month for doing the task. The SUV was worth about $4K, but that wasn't enough. Little sis needed to get PAID. EBIL refused and the fight that they had after that resulted in EBIL reclaiming the car. Although he forgave her and stuck up for her later, things were never the same between them again. He realized that regardless of all the physical and financial sacrifices he had made for her, she would never sacrifice anything, not even her unemployed, lazy-assed time for him.

Eventually, FIL reached the same realization, then I did, then my DH did. We had to see it ourselves before we believed it. But, believe it we did.

Keeper, the more your MIL protests, the more obvious it will be to your DH what kind of person she really is. My advice to you is to just sit back and enjoy the show, popcorn and all. Enjoy the visit with your DN and don't even mention your MIL. DN may have already somewhat dismissed her as the controlling, uncaring, loser B she is. It would serve her right.
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:02 am

Rubycrownedkinglet~

This is my MIL Too. She’s always trying to convince everyone that everything she does is for the benefit of others. Of course, she needs the audience, otherwise she doesn’t waste her time. And when the time is right, she brings it back up again. “Look at what I spent on your wife, I ‘helped’ her, I spent money on travel and things”... blah blah blah. She spent time and money on me when it helped contribute to a divide with other family members.

I firmly believe she thinks we are doing the same. We aren’t calculating and manipulative as she has been her entire life. She knows nothing else. So when our DN is coming, she can only process this as “we are only trying to hurt her, we are spending money to put the divide between MIL and her GD”.

This is her reality.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby Melody » Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:55 am

Other than a total NARC, I'd be curious to hear what else a psychiatrist would diagnose this woman with - maybe Histronic and/or Borderline Personality. (Google them if you're not familiar - the later two fit DH's stepmonster. I showed DH and DH's brother's wife an article, and they both said "Yep!" SIL even laughed). Everything is always about her, isn't it? Larger than life and a hero!

So how absolutely hilarious that she's "punishing" DH. If he won't bend to her will, then he won't have the benefit of her awesome companionship! WOW! Isn't he missing out!!!

I quite agree with Ruby that you are taking the best course of action. Fortunately, it seems that DH is FINALLY starting to get it. Fingers crossed that this continues. You might even get an apology at some point!

How fun that DN is coming. That should be wonderful. (I'd be sure not to make a single mention of MIL in front of her).
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Tue Apr 23, 2019 9:53 am

Melody ~

Thank you, I will google that. I have so many google saves on the subject of her traits. I have spent a lot of time researching and asking questions in order to get a better understanding.

My MIL has always been living her life in the comfort of her little deflection blanket. That blanket encompasses everything. She never has to own up to anything while she’s under that thing. Her ability to tell everyone “they’re just trying to hurt her”, gets the “attack” off of her and switches it to trying to comfort her. I’ve never seen anything like it before. The fact she’s using it on my DH now is perfect. He’s the one that needs to see that she is incapable of having any meaningful conversation and most importantly sees that no way in hades, his wife will be able to have one with her.

My DH and I have reached out to our DS. We simply told him that if his Gma ever decides to bring anything up with him, he is not to engage. Anything said about any of our inner circle family members, is not to me shared with his Gma. She needs to know that my letter of transparency and triangulation is in effect with all our family members.

When DN comes out, Gma will not be mentioned and we will explain the same to her as we have our DS.

I will not allow DN to send photos or video of us or our home either. If MIL wants so see what we’ve been up to, or get a glimpse into this house, she needs an invite.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby livingmylifeforme » Thu Apr 25, 2019 10:35 am

This woman sounds like a headache!! I’m so glad that you told her off and then let your DH deal with her. It sounds like this woman thrives on drama. If she went to therapy and it worked, then there would be no drama to fill her life with. She sounds bored and that playing the victim maybe “excites” her in some way, and distracts her from the fact that she’s lonely or something.

What she needs to understand is that people don’t like or want to deal with that, and she’s probably going to be on the receiving end of some serious NC due to everyone being sick and tired of it.
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Re: My MIL “The Punisher” lol

Postby VegasVal » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:44 pm

Question: Do we share a MIL? Cause I swear this sounds a lot like my MIL.

Everyone is at fault. She's innocent in every drama situation, mind you she's always at the epicenter of 100 drama situations. lol

Some people never grow up, never take accountability and never cease to make me want to slap the ever-loving poop out of them.

I hope all goes well.
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