Stepmonster the Vulture

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Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby Melody » Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:33 am

I hope everyone had a nice Easter/Passover or just a nice weekend in general.

So DH has two amazing Aunts that I adore (FIL's older sisters), I'll call them Aunt Kathleen and Aunt Abigail.

Aunt Kathleen lost her wonderful husband about three years ago. Ever since she had started to have memory and confusion problems. Unfortunately dementia runs in the family. She still lives at home, but has an Aide take care of her (fortunately the Aide is very reliable and trustworthy). Aunt Abigail goes to visit Aunt Kathleen every week.

Aunt Abigail and her awesome husband host a blow out all the stops fun Easter each year with a big crowd. Yesterday DH and my family is the first to show up. DH asks Aunt Abigail, are FIL and stepmonster (I WISH he actually called her that!) coming?

Aunt Abigail said "No, FIL and stepmonster aren't speaking to me". (Wish I knew they weren't coming I would have enjoyed my week more). She explicitly told us NOT to share this with her brother, or to get in the middle of this, and said it was a sibling matter. She elaborates:

When she was visiting Aunt Kathleen, Aunt Kathleen got very upset because a clock had gone missing. This clock was of sentimental value to her late husband. Aunt Kathleen's Aide said that FIL and stepmonster came to visit. Stepmonster asked to have the clock and Aunt Kathleen (not one to be argumentative) said, "OK".

Well then it comes out. Stepmonster also asked to have all of Aunt Kathleen's good silver. (Silver that was in her will to be left to Abigail's lovely daughter - who also hosts family get togethers.). Stepmonster THEN said to Aunt Kathleen, "You're not using your China anymore. Can I have it?" then made plans to pick it up the next time they "visit".

At this point, Aunt Abigail calls FIL and stepmonster and goes, "WTF? Are you only visiting to take her stuff?" And that is when FIL and stepmonster stopped speaking with her.

I'm not surprised and almost feel a little guilty that others are finally seeing what a horror stepmonster is. Oh, and that they're no contact. DH pissed me off a little by saying that "Stepmonster always feels left out". WTF? She had NO right, right? He did say he was shocked that FIL allowed it to happen. DH plans on telling his brother and I told him he should - so he's warned (or finally gets a wake up call).

Sigh
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Re: Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby PutMILinherplace » Mon Apr 22, 2019 5:47 pm

Melody wrote: DH pissed me off a little by saying that "Stepmonster always feels left out".


Your answer from now on should be, "Then she shouldn't be such an ass to everyone and then maybe others may want her around. That is the consequence when you mistreat people. " Make sure you turn it around to her behavior EVERY TIME!
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Re: Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Apr 23, 2019 9:12 am

PutMILinherplace wrote:Make sure you turn it around to her behavior EVERY TIME!

Great advice.

My most used replies to DH about ESIL's many complaints were:
She is bringing it upon herself.
What goes around, comes around.
You reap what you sow and she's been sowing for a long time.
How else would you expect people to react to her when she behaves like she does?

When we only got ESIL's side of some dramatic persecution story, I would ask DH a probing question like:
Do you think that happened exactly like she said?
Why would the other person have done or said that to her?
At first, his knee jerk reaction was to doubt any bad thing about her beyond what he'd seen for himself. He didn't answer the questions right away, but a day or two later, he'd bring it up again and I could tell he'd thought about it and had drawn his own conclusions.

A specific example when DH really started to accept that ESIL wasn't just selfish, opportunistic and greedy, but possibly a criminal:

After I relayed to DH the story ESIL told me about her incident in Walmart I asked him,
"Why do you think the management at Walmart didn't call an ambulance when ESIL slipped and fell in their store? Why would they only give her a bottle of generic acetaminophen and a 'good luck'?"
After replying that he didn't want to discuss it, later he asked me if I thought there was security video of her fall. I told him I had no idea, but it wouldn't be a surprise. He asked me if I thought it was a failed scam and I said absolutely.
Then I hit him with the money shot when I asked, "Why do you think she called me to whine about how horrible they treated her and how she wanted to go to a doctor for her injuries?"
With no hesitation, DH asked, "How much money did she ask you for?"
In my head: Ding Ding Ding, now he gets it.
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Re: Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:14 pm

Wow Melody~

Sometimes it takes others a bit longer to see what we’ve known a long time.
That was pretty bold of your SM to take advantage of the Aunt. She just went shopping in that house, taking personal belongings of sentimental value. She flat out took advantage.

The fact your DH is going to contact his brother is good news. It’s a little bit of a revelation. Your DH sounds a little like mine. Even when they are faced with thruths like this, they hold out hope that they can be “fixed” or they’re not really as bad as they appear.

That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Don’t try and sell me any of your mothers good qualities or traits. She and I are done. Being your mom is the only reason she is even a thought for me anymore.

Hope your SM gets left out more often now, so she really doesn’t just “feel it” lol

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby Melody » Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:43 am

PutMilinHerPlace - Thank you that IS good advice! Although it might take DH 100 times and a few temper tantrums (because he's been brainwashed) to "get it".

Thank you Rubycrownedkinglet - yes. And WTF? Someone is actually called out as a "freak" in Walmart"? Seriously? I'm glad you don't have to deal with this anymore.

Keeper of Precious - FFS, you ARE correct! Its been minimized. You see Aunt Abigail and her daughter were named power of attorney. DH spoke to his brother (who is an accountant) and brother said that Kathleen's husband said no to this. So apparently Aunt Abigail and daughter (whom I would choose if I were in bad shape!) are JUST as evil as stepmonster. I even ASKED if Abigail knew about this comment - NO answer! WTF?
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Re: Stepmonster the Vulture

Postby Melody » Thu Apr 25, 2019 7:43 am

@Keeper - Actually its worse than taking possessions from a house. Aunt Kathleen and her late husband were world travelers and have a one bedroom apartment. So I'm sure everything in her home has a story - I wish I had asked more questions when she could have answered them.
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