Hello again!

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei

Hello again!

Postby JustPlainHateHer » Wed Apr 24, 2019 8:31 am

It's been way too long since I have dropped in for a visit. I see the ILS are still driving everyone crazy, but it sounds like as usual, coping strategies are in full force.
It will be three years this June that controlling, puppeteer MIL has met her demise, and life is wonderful. We have peace, quiet, and bliss (and I think I said in another thread she left us all well taken care of monetarily). Everyone gets along since there is no catalyst to get some drama going...it is like no one cares, just great!

With that said, just want you to hang in there. There is a light at your long tunnel.
It was over thirty years for me, but it does come to an end before you do!
Best wishes to all!
JustPlainHateHer
Enraged
 
Posts: 688
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Apr 24, 2019 5:30 pm

Wow, thirty years is a long ass time lol Congratulations on making it this long. It seems impossible.

When I had babies, people would always say, “they grow fast”. That was just “yesterday”, today my babies are 23 & 24...all I have to say is that I hope this (MIL presence) goes fast like growing growing children, without the rest of us aging lol

Thank you for your post, it was meant for me to read for sure!!!

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
 
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Hello again!

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Apr 25, 2019 9:23 am

Hi, Justplainhateher. I'm glad things are going well for you and your family in the post-IL phase. Thanks for checking in to remind everyone there is hope and to hang in there.

Kudos to your FIL for investing and holding. I can't help thinking that it's too bad that your MIL wouldn't have spread some of the wealth around when she was alive. I hope the relative with MS received some of the money and was able to get help to feel better.

My ILs left behind little because they'd been bled dry by the ESIBs, mostly ESIL. Then of course she ended up with 95% of what they did leave behind when she got their house. Now only her Clueless DH lives there between incarcerations. Legally, he can't sell it, insure it or get a loan on it. I can only imagine what it looks like today and I suspect it will end up getting trashed and gutted, burned down or seized by the county.

DH and I are enjoying our new life in a new state. The ILs are just a fading memory, still a bit sour, but not nearly as bitter. We survived and we rarely ever speak about any of them anymore. I still get to trash them sometimes on this site, of course :lol:
rubycrownedkinglet
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1937
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 am

Re: Hello again!

Postby Melody » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:08 pm

Its wonderful to hear you are doing well. Money is nice, but freedom is priceless! Raise a glass for a toast!
Melody
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1571
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Thu Apr 25, 2019 2:16 pm

Heck yeah Melody, I’m in on that too

:: Clink :: cheers JPHH !!

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
 
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Hello again!

Postby JustPlainHateHer » Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:18 am

Thanks, Ladies. Yes, freedom is priceless, for sure!!!
And yes, the niece with MS was part of the grand children inheritance group. She is on some new therapies and seems to be doing well. She just gets fatigued for her young age of early 30's.
Everyone gets along so well, it's scary. Hubs talks to his brother about once a week (they live 2000 miles away...and remember, he never did anything for MIL...hubs did it all). Hubs has no resentment b/c he made her so nervous when he did come for a visit, that it wasn't worth it.
BIL and SIL came for a visit when the snow started blowing up there. It was a pleasure having them. SIL hasn't been here since MIL moved here in the early 80's. They did not get along at all. I still wonder why MIL hated her; she is a lovely person, a little quiet which MIL may have mistaken for aloofness or something.

There were so many days that I just wanted to scream...well, let me tell you, come here and unload. It was a lifesaver for me. Now that things are peaceful, we are all in better health, mentally and physically, tho we are getting older.

Again, hang in there...they don't last forever even though they seem to.
JustPlainHateHer
Enraged
 
Posts: 688
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:49 am

I am so happy for you JPHH,

I am at work, sitting on the porch having coffee and I’m still milling over my MIL. She takes up so much head space because she has been so emotionally controlling. This “thing” between her and me would be such an easy fix if she could simply stop playing victim. No one is out to “get her”. She has a false reality, although I am understanding this, I am not going to participate in it like everyone else has.

I am happy that your DH doesn’t hold any grudges toward you now that his mother is gone. This is one of my fears. I have urged my DH to go visit his M and make sure there are no regrets in the event she happens to pass on. He refuses. He’s asked me to *never* suggest that again.

So as I sit here on this porch, I am honestly wishing she would just go away forever. She brings nothing to this earth but pain and misery. She can’t even help herself. She may never, ever see her sons again all because she refuses to see that she might have a problem.

I hate her so much, but still wish she could figure it out. She’s the reason she can’t see her boys, but it’s too entertaining for her. She enjoys playing victim far more than actually doing something productive to get that visit. It’s unreal. She won’t even fake it til she makes it.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
 
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Hello again!

Postby JustPlainHateHer » Tue May 21, 2019 6:53 am

Hang in there, keeper. I do not think your husband will resent you after she passes.
A peace just settles and takes over where the angst had been thriving for years. Hubs was relieved the chaos was over. We never knew what she would say or do next, and that was awful. That has vanished since she passed.

I spent so much time thinking about her, I look back and wish I hadn't given her so much power. She spent a lot of time putting a wedge between our girls. They finally get along with each other now. MIL would start drama, and then guess who was right in the thick of it? ME. I allowed myself to be there b/c I thought I could help the girls see what was going on. One of them did, the other always sided with MIL.

As she gets older and feeble, frail and weaker, she will still be mean and have those qualities, but she won't be so haughty about it...at least that's how mine was. Near the end she tried so hard to be nice. I couldn't help thinking if she had spent all those years being nice, her life and ours would've been much happier. There was always a "stress" in the air where she was concerned.

If I can give any advice, just picture your future without her, and again, try not to give her so much power in your head and heart. The day will come when you will smile, and pay it forward with your own good advice.
JustPlainHateHer
Enraged
 
Posts: 688
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Thu May 23, 2019 9:05 am

JPHH ~

Thank you for this. This is what I will hope for. I think he’ll be happy that his NM’s nonsense and horrible outlook on life will finally be over. She seriously has no zest for life whatsoever. I think his reminding her “every day is a gift” only annoys her. He asked her to find a hobby too. He recently told his NM that he and his brother should not be her hobby. She tells him that she’s tired of her two boys talking to her like she’s the child lol. He says, “well, stop acting like one”. I think we would all be at peace once she’s gone. If anyone says, “may your MIL/NM Rest In Peace, my response will be, ‘you obviously didn’t know her’ lol, she can’t rest, she NEVER rests”. I think she’ll be more pissed off in the afterlife.


Thank you again, your response came on a morning I was dwelling. This is good

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
 
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Hello again!

Postby JustPlainHateHer » Sun May 26, 2019 7:58 am

You are very welcome.

At least your hubs will say something to her (the like a child comment). We wouldn't dare try to tell her anything as it was always met with some sort of backlash and scheme to tick everyone off.
So, we just went along with her, as time went on. When she whined about the docs not caring, we would say, that's terrible YOU are SO right. That stuff gave her satisfaction, so perhaps your DH can start agreeing with whatever outlandish thing she says or does. What it really says is you all really don't CARE anymore. Will give you some immediate peace. And you will let go of some of that power she has over everybody. Remember indifference is the ultimate slam...if you dwell and constantly think about her, it's passion with power, and you can take it back by forcing yourself to plain not give a shit. (sorry for the choice of words). Also, try to start replacing a negative thought about her with a totally different thought. I often would go for a walk and totally take in nature. Watch every bird, butterfly, squirrel. When my mind would drift back to something she said or did, I would recognize it, and stop immediately. You can teach yourself to let it go from your mind (at least most of the time).
JustPlainHateHer
Enraged
 
Posts: 688
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby VegasVal » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:34 pm

I love your post so much! Just had to let you know.

Enjoy the bliss, you earned/deserve it.
VegasVal
Angry
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: Hello again!

Postby JustPlainHateHer » Fri Jun 21, 2019 11:23 am

Thanks! We are enjoying life and especially the peace and tranquility we have now.
Everyone hang in there, you will have it all when she/they finally go away.
JustPlainHateHer
Enraged
 
Posts: 688
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:26 pm


Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests