Mandatory Acknowledgement Day

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Re: Mandatory Acknowledgement Day

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Wed May 15, 2019 8:45 am

WhyOhWhy, exactly this^

I needed this reminder. I am always looking for ways to avoid my MIL and her FM bestie. The best revenge and torture is happiness. Neither of those two have ever expected true love in any form, not even when giving birth. They look at everything we have and they work so hard to minimize it. I am now looking forward to the next gathering, my presence will have them spinning circles.

I am doing my best to show my DH that he can bring up his mother in conversation and I won’t come unraveled. I want him to see that I am not the cause of her anger, her anger is not my responsibility. I am genuine in my concern for him to have some sort of normal relationship with her. The only time I get so twisted out of shape is when he says things like, “because you two women cannot have a conversation, blah blah blah”. He’s placing me at her level. That infuriates me to no end. We had it out the other day when he said that. I told him, “I am the only person here who’s wanted to have this conversation with your mother, *she* is the one who refuses”. “How dare you keep including me as part of the problem”. So this whole thing about him never getting to see his mother, puts the heavy weight on my shoulders. At least that’s how I feel.

His mother never wants that conversation with me because I’m the one holding the mirror to her face. She doesn’t want to see it or acknowledge the horrible stunt she pulled on me and how we got to where we are today. It’s all up to her, this is her baby she created. In the meantime, she’s crying on my DH’s shoulder through every phone conversation how “it isn’t fair, she won’t ever get to see her son again”. Blah blah blah yuck

My letter I had written to her actually let her off the hook. I met her halfway. I told her that after she reads the letter, we won’t ever have to address the issue ever again. Boom, done, past, behind us now. What does she do? Lol she turns it around as hate mail and I’m only out to hurt her lol. Never ever, will there be a solution. She loves this drama, and so will I :twisted:

Let the good times roll 8)

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
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Re: Mandatory Acknowledgement Day

Postby Melody » Wed May 15, 2019 9:03 am

IMHO - you have a good attitude. I think the best thing to strive for is not unraveling and to learn to not let it ruffle your feathers. That "two to tango" crap IS absolutely infuriating! I went through the same nonsense.

My DH used to go on and on and on about "respecting" her. Meanwhile, she acts like a psychotic b*tch, they do NOTHING to put a stop to it, and we're just supposed to "handle it?" WTF?

Here's to "handling it". Big middle finger emoji! :D
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Re: Mandatory Acknowledgement Day

Postby KeeperOfPrecious » Wed May 15, 2019 10:14 am

I love that we totally “get” each other. I love this site and the home page for being able to unload, (yucky language and all :lol: )

I can’t keep unloading with my family, it’s too toxic and no one really wants to bring her into our homes and conversations.

Thank you for being here!!!!! Big hearts

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Mandatory Acknowledgement Day

Postby WhyOhWhy » Wed May 15, 2019 7:16 pm

I absolutely agree that this site has been a godsend for years. Over time, it has become a refuge, a sounding board, a cheering squad, an inspiration, and so much more. I've gone from a place of utter despair, confusion, and exasperation to a place of more calm and laughter. I'm not saying the IL's don't occasionally infuriate me, but I recover so much quicker now, and I am much more apt to come in HERE and vent than I am to my long-suffering husband (yes, he's absolutely been a DuH at times, but he's doing much better as time goes along).

KOP, you absolutely should ENJOY whenever you have to be in the presence of your outlaws. Granted, it still leaves a sour taste in the mouth to be anywhere near them, but if you can find the enjoyment from their ridiculous actions, then you have transcended their desires to hurt you. There are a myriad of ways to irritate just by being happy - for example, hang around another family member who likes you (or at least one who is at least neutral towards you). Give them your undivided attention as you ask them how THEY are doing. Really LEAN IN with a look of great interest as they describe something new/exciting in their lives. Offer to get that person some more coffee/drink/food. Laugh heartily at any of their jokes, etc.

Just you showing joy and interest in someone will irritate the hell out of them (especially if they have engaged in smear campaigns, as it will show that for all of their efforts, people still enjoy your company). It also gives you something else to focus on, making it much less likely you'll notice the stupid little things they'll try to do to annoy you. These sorts of people WANT to see that look of anger flash across your face. They get their jollies off of that. When that doesn't happen, they are flabbergasted, deflated, and often out themselves to others when they act all pissy and no one else can understand why.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again
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