Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for her

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willthetruthbetold
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Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for her

Post by willthetruthbetold » Wed Jul 17, 2019 8:37 pm

Felony Niece was in drug and alcohol detox and immediately hooked up with a young guy she had just met who was heavily addicted to serious drugs. He is significantly younger than her, has never had a real job, basically just got out of high school if he even graduated and who associates with others who are in the drug community. She got pregnant, thankfully finished the program, the new bf finished the program... and there they were, unemployed, no resume, no prospects, no money, no hope for a good job and what did they spend FN's rent money (paid by BIL and Golden SIL) on? Matching tattoos! Yes, because that's the most important thing in life, right, to show the world that they were incredibly in love after knowing each other less than a month! They don't plan on getting married, but their love is going to transcend all time and through the universe, apparently. :roll:
Without a job and no income other than the money that her father sent her, FN and her bf piled into "her" car (given to her by BIL, of course) and drove across country puffing their cigarettes, sporting those new tattoos, thinking about living the dream in BIL and GSIL's cold and windowless basement, with no bathroom, no heat and steep steps up to the main floor. It's the perfect place to raise a newborn, right? <sarcasm> GSIL texted my DH that she and BIL are so incredibly happy at the news of becoming grandparents, that FN's very young bf is a nice guy and that FN is doing so great because she got through the detox program. What about that cigarette smoking? Oh, that's just too much for her to handle right now, apparently.
When DH and I announced my pregnancy with DD so many years ago, my MIL's reaction was "Oh, (Golden SIL) is going to be so upset! SHE wanted to have the first grandchild! You should have waited for her to have the first baby!" Then she started all her controlling tactics- How I should decorate the nursery, what clothes I should wear and... get this.. that I was forbidden to buy anything for the baby because it would invite bad luck and my baby would certainly die. :o :o :o I was dumbfounded at this stupidity and her brashness at trying to foist her own crazy ideas on me. What sort of person says such a thing to a pregnant woman? DH did nothing to support me and said that if it meant that much to his mother, why would I want to upset her by going against her wishes? Upset her? Upset HER?? What about me, what about our baby DD who needed things immediately like a bed, diapers and clothes? It was as if some alien had taken over DH and he had his brains sucked out and replaced with goo. No one had ever heard of such nonsense; my darling mother was upset that she wasn't supposed to buy anything for her first grandchild, my friends and colleagues were shocked that they weren't supposed to throw me baby showers and my other family members' reactions ranged from shock to anger. MIL called me at least once a week to demand to know if we had bought anything at all. She literally screamed at me on the phone, "If I find out that you did, I'm going to be SO UPSET! You're trying to kill by grandchild!" I told her that I didn't know how we could afford all the things that we wouldn't be getting from friends, colleagues and family because we didn't have much money. She and FIL certainly weren't planning on buying us much, and she said so. She said, "Well (GSIL and Nice-SIL) will be throwing you a baby shower after the baby is born. It will be a big one and you will get so many things." Months after DD was born, I mentioned what MIL had said to GSIL and she said, "Like hell I'll have a baby shower for you!" She was angry that I had a baby before her and never got over it. The last thing she wanted to do was celebrate our DD's birth. Nice-SIL told me years later when I mentioned it that MIL had never told her about the shower idea.
The rules changed for GSIL when she had her two children. MIL didn't impose her hex on GSIL, and helped buy her furniture, clothes, accessories... everything. They had a great time shopping together. MIL threw a big shower for GSIL with all her friends invited "It's my turn to call in favors after all the showers that I went to for them." I think MIL just wanted to control me and make my life even more difficult than it already was.
So now FN is pregnant. GSIL lied to DH and told him that she was 10 weeks pregnant, but it's actually 22. She didn't want DH to know that FN had hooked up with a guy she barely knew and wanted DH to think that they had dated for 3 or 4 months first, not just a couple of weeks. FN posted photos of some of the things that she has already bought for the baby. I am actually happy that FN has gotten herself out of the stupid and cruel narrative of her family about babies dying, and mentioned that to DH. He looked at me in puzzlement, and it was apparent that he had forgotten the ugly situation that his mother had put him and me in. I reminded him of what MIL had said and he got irritated. I said that his irritation wasn't anything like what I felt when he had supported MIL over me and our DD.
DH doesn't remember it, but I went against what MIL told me in her attempt to control us. My friends had a secret baby shower for me and I stored everything away where MIL couldn't see it when she visited and pawed through my drawers and closets. I also bought some basic things that a baby would need. My DM and DF kept things for me even though they lived 2000+ miles away, and brought them when they visited. I could not have brought my newborn home without things like a car seat, bedding and diapers. MIL thought that would be perfectly fine, because after all, she just wanted to control everything and make life difficult for me. Her ultimate goal was to break DH and me up and it was very obvious in her later years.
I'm hoping that FN grows up and becomes responsible because of her pregnancy and especially that she and her bf move out before GSIL ruins the next generation, too. I won't even go into pervert-BIL... that's a terrible situation waiting to happen.

jigglypuff
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:07 am

He looked at me in puzzlement, and it was apparent that he had forgotten the ugly situation that his mother had put him and me in. I reminded him of what MIL had said and he got irritated. I said that his irritation wasn't anything like what I felt when he had supported MIL over me and our DD.
DH doesn't remember it
Ugh, they never do. Any time I remind DH of an incident with the ILs, 90% of the time he doesn't remember it either. Why? Because it didn't affect him the way it did me. DH cares about everyone else's feelings before mine. They have to please mommy first as if there will be some unholy consequence if they don't.

I get it WTTBT. Your post actually triggered me a bit because I'm going through this crap all over again with DH and I'm about to lay down the law on his ass.

Your MIL is one evil sob for saying your DD was going to die from back luck. She only said that because she was secretly hoping for it. I can't believe any grandmother would say something so cruel about their grandchild. A special place in hell awaits her.

I'm glad you didn't listen to her and had your baby shower and bought baby things. I'm just sorry that the happy time had to be overshadowed by her cruelty.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

willthetruthbetold
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by willthetruthbetold » Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:48 am

Thank you, JigglyPuff! You validated how I feel and said it so eloquently, too. In fact, in my subconscious I have always thought that MIL wanted something to go wrong with my pregnancy but I never allowed the thought to surface. She didn't seem interested at all about how either of my two pregnancies went. It's all clear to me now.
I'm sorry that your DH is doing the same thing as mine, forgetting the giant traumas that were foisted on us by our MILs. Let me know how you lay the law down on your DH's ass because I could use a few tips!
My MIL died a few years ago and those who knew her almost universally have an opinion where she went. :twisted:

rubycrownedkinglet
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:53 am

willthetruthbetold wrote:My MIL died a few years ago and those who knew her almost universally have an opinion where she went. :twisted:
I bet she endures the company of my ESIL there and they torment each other every day telling lies about how awful their ILs were to them, constantly trying to outdo each other. They only have their miserable selves for company and realize that place is just as awful as everyone said.

Maybe they shouldn't have tried so hard to get in, right?

miwako
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by miwako » Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:25 pm

I've heard of not buying anything before a baby is born as a Russian superstition. It comes from a time in the past when pregnancy was more uncertain and people didn't want to waste resources on a child that might not arrive. However, they have baby showers afterwards, and women tend to have longer post birth hospital stays, so dad still has time to go out and buy a carseat. You're MIL was clearly weaponizing that idea against you, since it never came up again with anyone else.

I feel bad for that poor child. I hope pervert-BIL doesn't do anything inappropriate, and if he does it is swiftly taken care of.

WhyOhWhy
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by WhyOhWhy » Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:42 pm

Don't you just love the selective memory these men can sometimes have when it comes to their own family?? I hope your FN finally gets herself together for the sake of the baby. Who knows, maybe lightning will strike and this relationship will last, but if not hopefully she continues on her path towards a better life for herself and her child.

I also had some pretty horrible reactions to our pregnancies. It was obvious that they came from a place of hatred. It always has boggled me that "family", who are supposed to love you, would act like that about their own grandchildren, or nieces/nephews, or whatever the relationship is. A child isn't something to hold up to the world to boast that you were there first. It's a beautiful gift from God and a precious soul to be cherished. These people seem to forget those bits and only focus on how it affects their egos. It's truly sad.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

willthetruthbetold
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by willthetruthbetold » Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:18 pm

RubyCrownedKinglet- You're right, they tried hard to get in, LOL! I would have been satisfied if MIL had realized how toxic her actions and words had been, especially as she aged and saw the world through the rearview mirror, and made even a small apology. It would have gone a long way to redeem herself and reconnect to people that she had alienated. I wasn't the only one. She was mean all the way to the last days of her life, calling DH on the house phone and leaving a message for DH about a woman that she wanted to set him up with.
I hope your ESIL had a moment of reflection on the toilet before she passed. Passed! Sorry about the pun.... actually, not really :twisted:

willthetruthbetold
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by willthetruthbetold » Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:36 pm

Miwako- There are a number of groups that have had superstitions about pregnancy and birth and I guess MIL heard about this particular one and wanted to use it to control me. However, It wasn't the 1600s in Russia (or anywhere else), it was the 1980s in the U.S. I even tried to explain that to MIL but she said it was invoking bad luck. You're right, she didn't bring it up again. MIL clearly didn't want anyone else to be supportive of our marriage and birth of our child. I didn't expect her to throw me a baby shower and since I hardly knew my two SILs, I didn't expect them to do it, either. If it were true, my SILs would have mentioned a shower to me right after our pregnancy announcement but in fact Golden SIL went into a snit and didn't talk to me for nearly a year because she was angry that I got pregnant first. Her sulking was petty and childish. It's interesting that the rules were revised for her two years later. Thankfully, now the rules are "normal" for FN. I just wish that there had been acknowledgment of how unreasonable MIL was.
Pervert-BIL should never be around little girls, or even grown women. My hope is that FN gets out of that house as soon as possible.

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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by willthetruthbetold » Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:50 pm

WhyOhWhy- I'm sorry that your ILs were hateful about your pregnancies and agree that family should be welcoming the precious gifts of babies and be supportive of the new parents. My MIL was the worst mother that I've personally known with my Golden SIL a close second. They hated children and complained about how their lives were ruined because of them. So did FIL; he said that having children was the worst thing that he ever did. GSIL was a teacher and used to laugh about how she would kick the students with disabilities in the ass, her words, when they were irritating her! MIL, FIL and GSIL used to scream at their kids and grandchildren or completely ignore them. They thought I was wrong to "baby" my babies.
Memory failure is becoming an issue around here with DH. He doesn't remember most of what his FOO did because he has blocked it out. He doesn't see the hypocrisy in how the rules changed from me, to his sister and now to FN. I'm glad they did though. Another way to erase MIL's ugly legacy. Yay! :D

JustPlainHateHer
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by JustPlainHateHer » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:05 pm

All I can add is THAT POOR BABY! He/she doesn't stand a chance!

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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:29 am

JustPlainHateHer wrote:All I can add is THAT POOR BABY! He/she doesn't stand a chance!
I second that! Some people should not be allowed to procreate and FelonyN is definitely one of those. That type usually ends up single and back home living with their mother while having their mother raise their child moreso than themselves. Will that be your GSIL's cross to bear at this stage in her life? Can't you just picture her enjoying the company of a screaming toddler?

For the child's sake I hope not, and I hope that the father's family is a better place for the baby to be raised. I have little faith in FN to get the job done.

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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by WatchingMyBack » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:30 pm

In the Jewish religion, that's a superstition also. I had not yet converted my religion when I was expecting ODS. My co-workers had a shower for me. I didn't yet live in the same city as MIL, and hadn't established a relationship with her at that time. There was no interference.

When DIL was expecting GS, she had pre-term labor. We were concerned she would delivery very early, and I ordered a bunch of onsies, t-shirts, receiving blankets and burp cloths so she would have them. Her mother had made her too superstitious to even open the box. She was even uncomfortable having it in her house because of these illogical crazy ideas. Now, mind you, I have my superstitions, but not when they create an illogical situation. We also bought them a car seat, and it had to stay in the box in the garage, too. Luckily GS waited and was born close to his due date. I had asked DIL when she planned to get things for him, and she said her mother said she'd go out and get them after he was born. Absolutely ridiculous. Her clueless mother did go out and buy things like shorts and shirts in size 12 months. Nothing at all for a newborn. Nothing practical.

Now DIL has saved most of GS baby things for the next baby. I want to ask, "so how does that play into the whole "can't have anything for baby until it arrives nonsense?" but I'll just leave it. Her parents are whacko's and unfortunately she's internalized a lot of the whack. And ODS doesn't help. Makes a big fuss that I'm not giving GS organic whatever (fruit, meat, ketchup, etc. Next thing I see, DIL mother giving GS a big, gooey donut with sprinkles on top. :shock: :shock: Hypocrits.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by WatchingMyBack » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:35 pm

I'm hoping that FN grows up and becomes responsible because of her pregnancy
And that won't happen. But you know that. Getting a Tattoo while pregnant? The risk of infection or Hepatitis? For pity's sake. That's as a bad as the cigarettes. And I'm sure her nutrition is lacking.

I'm sorry for that innocent baby being born to an irresponsible girl like that and her horrible mother. But maybe it will just be another acorn that doesn't fall far from the tree. The spawn of evil usually carry the trait.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”

willthetruthbetold
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Re: Felony Niece is pregnant, the rules are different for he

Post by willthetruthbetold » Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:53 am

WatchingMyBack- I can understand holding off on buying items if there is concern about when the baby is born and I think you made the right choice. Some superstitions can be interesting and even fun, but when it's like my MIL or your DIL's DM freaking out and causing stress on the expectant couple, I just can't see that it's benefitting anyone. In fact, my MIL's weekly hysterical rants were stressing me out and every time I would think about setting up the nursery and layette, all I could think of was her shrieking, "If you buy anything, you're going to kill the baby, and it'll all be your fault!" and different variations of that rant.
I laughed when I read what you wrote about the second baby! I remember something on those same lines, wondering if I had to throw out our DD's things before her brother was born. My MIL had some illogical explanation that old things were OK because the hex was off of them since they had already been used by a baby, or some such thought, but nothing new could be purchased just like before.
Maybe the doughnuts are organic, LOL!
Felony-niece's stomach tattoos are probably going to stretch so much that the words in English will end up looking like they're written in a different language and letters, like Kanji! :lol:

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