Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by WhyOhWhy » Thu Oct 03, 2019 4:23 pm

Happy October Ladies!

It's that time again when we chat about 1.) what the holiday plans are (with or without the in-laws) and 2.) what (if anything) you are doing for your in-laws this holiday season.

I'll start...

Plans: We will spend Thanksgiving with my family. We will likely hear from the IL's, but it is typically a fairly painless chat. For Christmas, we'll spend most of the time with my extended family before a visit with my in-laws. I tend to keep a low profile during these visits, ingesting an extra cup (or 4) of spiked egg nog to help get me through with a smile on my face.

Gifts: This year I have decided to h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶h̶u̶s̶b̶a̶n̶d̶ pick out gifts for the PIL and Sibs-in-Law. I'll mark all gifts from all of us. The days of me taking time out of my holiday season to pick out lovely gifts for them that were just from me are over (those who know me know there have been many "gift related issues" over the years with these people).

There have been years where I didn't participate at all, but I am trying to show my children that charity starts at home, so to speak.

Anyway, I digress....what about you ladies?
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

Melody
Nuclear
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Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by Melody » Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:56 pm

Thanksgiving has been blissful the last 10 years. We go to my sisters. I cook the turkey and stuffing, and she and her husband do the sides. DH used to get nervous because everyone is always calm and supportive - no theatrics. I walked in one time and yelled something politically inflamatory. DH actually hurt me squeezing my hand so hard in panic, until my sister and husband LAUGHED.

Hannukah - Always casual and just us with the kids opening a few nights of goodies.

Christmas day - I love going to DH's cousin's house (she's more like his sister) where we get to see all of FIL's family. Although FIL and more often stepmonster don't even show. And if they do, the Aunts slap down stepmonster immediately if her behavior is anything less then perfect - lol!

Christmas Eve - we always get pressured to go to the lair, but we haven't recently. (Last time DH and stepmonster planned to have everyone come for lunch the day before. She called just as we were leaving to cancel for the lamest reason. DH could hear FIL yelling in the background - no don't cancel!).

FIL told DH to buy gifts FROM him and stepmonster, but had to be asked multiple times after to send the money DH was out on disability - and we're supposed to waste money on stuff supposedly from THEM? Um No! This year if they pull that crap, the money needs to come FIRST and in timely manner and I will NOT be rushing during the days before.

DH will be working, so I'll cook a nice dinner at OUR home - and maybe invite my sister's family. Maybe even DH's brother's family. So with any luck, we'll avoid stepmonster completely. :)

livingmylifeforme
Angry
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Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:08 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by livingmylifeforme » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:34 am

Happy October!!

It sounds like you both will have a handle on holidays this year.

We will be spending both Holidays with my family since I’m NC with my in laws and DH is so LC with his family he’s pretty much NC. Holidays with my family are very relaxed and chill. We usually just go see a movie in the late afternoon and then out to dinner to spend a nice meal together without all the work which is stress free. I like this because it gives me and DH the morning to relax and celebrate by ourselves for a bit. So I’m really just waiting to hear back about what movie we’re seeing and what restaurant we’re going to (usually a buffet place). Last year my Aunt said that she will host Christmas this year, but to be honest I highly highly doubt that’s happening. She got too stressed out during the years she did actually host so I do not see it in the future at all.

Photomama16
Fuming
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by Photomama16 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:59 pm

We are spending another year of holidays in-law free. We have been NC with FIL for over a year now and I dropped the rope as far as sending out cards to the rest of the family who supported FIL and SIL when they **** all over us. I’m just now getting to the point I don’t dread the holidays and stress myself into illness. Every holiday, birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc was ruined by them for YEARS! Even after we moved away, they always found a way to ruin the holidays. NC was the best gift I have ever gotten.

miwako
Nuclear
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by miwako » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:24 am

We will probably end up seeing SIL at least once, since she's moving closer to us. I'm fine with that, especially since she's still on the outs with FIL it means only one or the other, and I'll definitely take her over him.

As for gifts, I'm not sure yet. I might send out cards to extended family, though probably not anyone who uninvited us to this reunion. :P I'm going to have to talk to my husband, because if I don't buy the gifts he'll forget and then spend too much at the last second.

Melody
Nuclear
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by Melody » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:51 am

Miwako - I so get that about the DH. Mine wastes money on a particular relative who doesn't deserve anything but a punch in the face. DH also waits until last minute, doesn't bother looking for online coupons, and then wastes a ton of money on express shipping (and he WORKS in shipping!) - DUH!

Even with kids' b-day parties, he'll spend way too much on kids our kids barely (and can't pick out an appropriate gift) and know instead of on their besties!

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by WhyOhWhy » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:56 pm

re: your husbands paying way too much at the last minute (because they don't plan ahead) - that is exactly why I will pick out the gifts this year. We are on a limited budget this year and I don't want my flakey husband to spend way more than we've budgeted just because he'll put it off until the last minute. Nope. I will sort out all of the gifts the first week in Nov. and have it done with! I probe DH for ideas and then go ahead and get those items, schedule any deliveries, etc. I try to have a no-fuss holiday season all the way around whenever possible! I also buy for our children and my side of the family early in November as well. Done and done, and then I can enjoy the rest of the season and only need to wrap presents and fill stockings.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

scooter
Angry
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Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:08 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by scooter » Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:36 pm

In a world of IRONY....my family of origin has so gone off the rails, that I will CHEERFULLY be going to my Golden BIL and family as they are now looking like the sane people comparatively.

scooter
Angry
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:08 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by scooter » Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:37 pm

Oh...AND it's my birthday, that's how bad the crazy is.

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by WhyOhWhy » Fri Oct 11, 2019 7:34 pm

scooter wrote:In a world of IRONY....my family of origin has so gone off the rails, that I will CHEERFULLY be going to my Golden BIL and family as they are now looking like the sane people comparatively.

Ha! That's funny. Hey, choosing the lesser of the two evils (so to speak) can be a huge sanity saver!
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:56 am

I’ll take a swig of that eggnog with ya at Christmas!! (Together only separate) :P

Flashback:
::Picture a grown woman (me) in full Dia De Los Muertos makeup and costume for the following::

This time of year (Halloween night) reminds me of the last fallout I had with my husbands mother. Sparing details, my DH’s M was supposed to contact me to make amends. Of course when she tells my DH she’s going to reach out to me, translation: she was expecting me to call her. That was NEVER going to happen. If she truly wanted to call a truce, and make amends for her horrible behavior, she would have made the effort. Nope, she placed that burden on me.

My H thought I was playing games with his mother. Such BS. So in a fit if anger, I refused to have his mother control me with this stupid phone call. I was NOT calling her. My H’s constant begging and telling me I was the one who was controlling and placing stipulations on his mother drove me to madness. As I am screaming at him, sequins are flying off my painted face :lol: :lol: :lol: (finding sequins scattered around the house was funny “ha ha” the next day)... I totally removed all my makeup, changed into my jammies, put a sign out for all the kiddies “Sorry, out of candy” and called it a night.

Halloween is my fave seasonal holiday. I need to be able to get back in the spirit, she kinda ruined it for me. It’s always a reminder now.

So thankfully, since the wretched old shrew still can’t bring herself to make things better, we are going to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas full of non invasive fun.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

Melody
Nuclear
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Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by Melody » Sat Oct 12, 2019 12:39 pm

By its very definition, "reach out" means she contacts you and not the other way around. DUH!

Since you've already been accused of "playing games" I'd be tempted to call her just enough that it shows up on the caller ID and then hang up. DH's stepmonster played this game and claimed "she THOUGHT she left a message". Yea, worked for the phone company for 20 years and doesn't know how to leave a message .... sure.

Then, if you called from a landline, unplug the phone, lol!

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
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Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by WhyOhWhy » Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:56 pm

KeeperOfPrecious wrote:I’ll take a swig of that eggnog with ya at Christmas!! (Together only separate) :P ...

Halloween is my fave seasonal holiday. I need to be able to get back in the spirit, she kinda ruined it for me. It’s always a reminder now.

So thankfully, since the wretched old shrew still can’t bring herself to make things better, we are going to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas full of non invasive fun.
Girl, I'd love to share spiked eggnog with all you wonderful ladies! I love the idea of raising a glass to each other during the holidays. "To my IHMI Sisters!"

So glad you will be able to enjoy your holiday season this year! These wretched people have stolen too many moments that should have been good memories from us, they've caused too many hours of anguish and upset in us (by their words and actions), and they've caused enough heartache by not loving us all (and their sons and any grandchildren) unconditionally and MATURELY, as we all deserve.

It's time to take back our holidays and enjoy them with the ones we love (and who truly love us back)!
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by WhyOhWhy » Sat Oct 12, 2019 10:06 pm

Melody wrote: Since you've already been accused of "playing games" I'd be tempted to call her just enough that it shows up on the caller ID and then hang up. DH's stepmonster played this game and claimed "she THOUGHT she left a message". Yea, worked for the phone company for 20 years and doesn't know how to leave a message .... sure.!
omg priceless, and not to one-up or anything, but I can relate! My MIL used to claim she "couldn't figure out" email for YEARS, which became her excuse for not trying to have a relationship with me (and apparently she couldn't figure out how to dial numbers on her phone either - strange!). Then we found out she'd been emailing one of DH's relatives for quite some time. She was able to string coherent sentences together and EVERYTHING! She even managed to click "send" every time! AMAZING!
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Time To Chat About Holiday Plans

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Sun Oct 13, 2019 10:19 am

::like button:: Across the board for these posts lol

We’ll have to do random toasts to check in during the holidays. Most definitely. I am very grateful for you all

Fortunately we no longer have a landline. ALL calls go to the hubs haha

Continuation from previous post of mine:
Earlier that Halloween day, my MIL had randomly texted me to call her. I told her I was at work, and that I’ll be home and available between the hours of 4-6 pm and I look forward to “HER CALL” to me.

She couldn’t bring herself to make that happen, then the sequins started to fly lol

Omgosh yep, I love your email story about your MIL. LMAO!!! Funny how it doesn’t always work both ways, only one way, MIL’s way. My MIL was adamant about not calling me. If she was going to have to make amends or get my DH to believe she had good intentions, she was going to make ME do all the heavy lifting. She wasn’t going to reduce herself to call me. The frustration was DH not seeing the light... blah bah blah...

It’s better this way. Much better. Haha no more visits, insert HUGE happy heart!!!
Last edited by KeeperOfPrecious on Tue Oct 15, 2019 8:24 am, edited 2 times in total.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

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