DH has learned who his mother is

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jigglypuff
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DH has learned who his mother is

Post by jigglypuff » Mon Oct 14, 2019 1:27 pm

The ILs hoover us about 3 times a year, every year. I had a feeling MIL and SIL were using NieceIL to hoover DH and now I'm sure of it. As soon as DH stopped communicating with NIL, MIL calls. I can't even remember the last time she's called. We haven't spoken or seen her in 6 years.

She called saturday and left a voicemail. I asked DH what she said on the VM and he said he didn't bother listening to it. I asked him why and he responded with "What's the point?". I don't think I've ever been more proud of him. He knows his mother is full of crap. I have a feeling she left a casual message as if nothing has ever happened between us. Something like "Hi son. I called to see how you were doing. Love you." :roll:

I was hoping she called to inform us a rotten IL had died but I don't think that was it because no one else bothered to contact us.

Also, DH was peeved about his blocking feature not working on his phone. I also have the same issue. I can only block the ILs with an app and even that doesn't always work. Anyone else have this issue? Or are my ILs demonic powers strong enough to override the blocking feature and I'm just out of luck?
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

rubycrownedkinglet
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Re: DH has learned who his mother is

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Wed Oct 16, 2019 2:37 pm

Won't MIL just give up already? I'm sorry she popped up again, because it seems that it revives the old bitterness that starts to fade over time. I'm so happy that your DH gets it and isn't fooled by her fake concern.

After six years I wonder why she would do that. It may be that she really wants the last word, or she wants to save face somehow by not admitting to herself that her son has cut her off for good reasons and she can't change that. Loss of power and control is a bitter pill for some people to swallow.

I almost wish my ILs had had issues that complex. Nope, their motives were sickeningly simple.

The last time that CluelessBIL, my ESIL's DH left a message on our VM, DH almost didn't listen to it at all, but then decided to wait for me instead of just deleting it. I offered to listen to it and tell him if anything was important (like ESIL had died), or I offered to delete it without either of us listening. DH decided he wanted us both to hear it for better or worse.

The basic message was that CBIL was calling us for ESIL who was 'so sad that she had no family' anymore. He offered to apologize for whatever DH thought he did wrong, if DH would just tell him what it was.

DH was disgusted that CBIL was so clueless as to think an invitation to a rug sweep would be welcome. And that it was DH's responsibility to explain to CBIL that trying to scam us out of money after we had supported them so much in the past was an insult beyond belief. It was apparent that CBIL would never admit to any wrong-doing, but would say an apology anyway, just to try to reestablish contact. That's no apology-there had to be a deeper motive than that.

Later that afternoon, I looked up the payment date from the previous year and the real reason for the call was that their annual payment for their home owner's insurance was due. Mystery solved. Because we didn't call back, according to state records, just a few days later, ESIL took out a car title loan for the money. They never called again...we changed our phone number!

jigglypuff
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Re: DH has learned who his mother is

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:13 pm

I'm sorry she popped up again, because it seems that it revives the old bitterness that starts to fade over time.
Thank you Ruby. Oddly enough, I had no reaction to her call. For the first time, I felt nothing. Back a couple of years ago, any call from the ILs would make my heart drop to my stomach and I'd get upset. Not anymore.

It's possible she called about the oldest AIL who's been unwell for years now but I doubt it. MIL didn't call us when EBIL almost died last year so why call now? Who can understand the narcissist's crazy hoover attempts? They're pathetic and sometimes I think MIL does it just to remind us she's still alive.

What your CBIL and ESIL did was planned out and cruel. I'm sorry you and your DH had to deal with that. I'm at least glad you found out the truth behind the call and lame attempt at a fake apology. I feel that a fake apology is worse than no apology at all. My ILs absolutely refuse to apologize for anything they've done, even when they've openly admit to being wrong. Which is fine because an apology wouldn't change anything and we'd still be CO from them regardless. The trust and familial bond is broken beyond repair. There's no going back.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

miwako
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Re: DH has learned who his mother is

Post by miwako » Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:03 am

I am so glad for you that he has learned. My Husband is slowly starting to. He has finally decided to stop trying to hold everyone together when nobody really wants it. He has also realized that just about all of his decent relatives at this point are dead. Time to drop the rope.

WhyOhWhy
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Re: DH has learned who his mother is

Post by WhyOhWhy » Fri Oct 18, 2019 2:21 pm

It's so validating to have these men finally admit to themselves (and to us) that their families are toxic. It sucks that you can't stop the unwanted calls via blocking, I guess maybe a phone number change is in order.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

jigglypuff
Nuclear
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Re: DH has learned who his mother is

Post by jigglypuff » Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:12 pm

I'm glad your DH's rose colored glasses are finally cracking and falling off Miwako. Sometimes it takes for the ILs to behave so terribly that our spouse has no choice but to admit that their family sucks.
I guess maybe a phone number change is in order
We've considered it but it's harder for DH to do because of his job. He hopes to retire in a couple of years so he'll certainly change it then. After retirement, we'll move states away and the ILs won't be able to contact us or know where we are :D
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

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