It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

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momjeans
Fuming
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:19 am

It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by momjeans » Mon Oct 21, 2019 11:49 am

Some backstory: Earlier this year I went back to work part time. MIL helped with care a couple times a week, in the beginning, and now, THANKFULLY, she only helps out a 2-3 hours a week.

Since she was adamant about doing this, without pay, I’ve been gifting her some (a lot) of flower bulbs from my work, since they’re given to us for free and I really have no space for them in our yard.

Also, my FIL doesn’t like me because I have very firm boundaries with him, like he cannot get behind the wheel of a car with my kids, care for them, etc... I also ghost the living daylights out of him when I have to be in his presence.

Well, it’s fall planting season, so obviously I’ve been giving her some as a way of saying thank you - in addition to literally saying thank you to her in person, obviously.

So, a few weeks ago I get home from work and my FIL is here at my house with my MIL. It’s very rare that he’s here too, as he is well aware of my disgust and disdain for him. I walk into my kitchen and give MIL a bag of bulbs. As they’re leaving, I hear my FIL say to MIL “You better make sure we don’t owe her any money for those bulbs.”

My MIL walks back to the kitchen and before she can ask the question I tell her I’m giving them to her as a gesture of appreciation. She smiles and thanks me. Again, I tell her it’s nothing. To enjoy them.

Well, she pulls this again yesterday. Except my FIL isn’t here this time. I give her some bulbs, she’s ecstatic, says goodbye and walks out the door just to turn around and frantically knock on the door. I open it and she says “I just want to check that I don’t owe you money for these.”

I inform her no, not at all. Please get them in the ground and I hope you enjoy them come springtime.

Now I’m biffed and feeling insulted. My senses tell me that my vapid sh*tbird of a FIL has put her up to all of this. And being the abiding southern wife she is, she’s probably doing this against her own wishes - which is sad, but not surprising.

I’m interested to hear your take on what you think is going on here.
Boundaries ensure that the consequences of people’s actions land squarely on them.

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 329
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Mon Oct 21, 2019 12:47 pm

Good to see you again Momjeans

I think your gut is right about FIL. He’s just trying to dig at you.

Your MIL tho, that’s easy. You can simply tell her that she has an endless supply, you’ll never charge for the bulbs. Or at least tell her you’ll let her know, and she never ever needs to ask again.

Pretty sweet deal you have with the babysitting and bulbs. She could simply be making extra, double sure. I know I keep asking to chip in on a trip I’m on right now with my brother and SIL, they keep saying no. It’s still in me to ask. I think your MIL is letting you know she’s willing to pay for them.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1637
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by Melody » Mon Oct 21, 2019 2:53 pm

Yes hello momjeans! I think your take is accurate too. Is he retired and bored - or jealous? I really hope he isn't implying that your some how "mooching".

And let MIL know its a gesture of appreciation.

Off tangent a little (when am I not), my background was finance, and "A Random Walk Down Wall Street" has been a required but FUN and easy read. Its currently in its 12th edition and been revised considerable each time - EXCEPT about the significance of Tulips in the Dutch and Europe economy. For a number of years they were essential - and market rules were effected by their trade.

If you haven't read it (and it might be a fun gift if you think MIL would take it the right way), I found a short video summary of these chapters (no need for sound - it is just random music):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YNoizadK78

And text:

http://www.humanitiesresource.com/baroq ... bubble.htm

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 164
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by WhyOhWhy » Mon Oct 21, 2019 5:39 pm

Good to see you, MomJeans!

The poor thing is clearly the unwitting messenger of your FIL's childish attempt to irritate and insult you. Next time, when you hand her the bulbs say "...and before you ask, these are FREE for you and a gesture of my thanks for all you do for me. See you next time!" with as big of a smile as you can muster so when she reports back, he'll know you are on to his game.

What an annoying turd. Definitely don't let him see you sweat whenever you are forced to be in the same space with him. I refuse to let my in-laws see how much they irritate me, and meanwhile I irritate the hell out of them by just breathing. I always get a chuckle from that 8)
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

momjeans
Fuming
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:19 am

Re: It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by momjeans » Tue Oct 22, 2019 9:42 am

Melody wrote:Yes hello momjeans! I think your take is accurate too. Is he retired and bored - or jealous? I really hope he isn't implying that your some how "mooching".

And let MIL know its a gesture of appreciation.

Off tangent a little (when am I not), my background was finance, and "A Random Walk Down Wall Street" has been a required but FUN and easy read. Its currently in its 12th edition and been revised considerable each time - EXCEPT about the significance of Tulips in the Dutch and Europe economy. For a number of years they were essential - and market rules were effected by their trade.

If you haven't read it (and it might be a fun gift if you think MIL would take it the right way), I found a short video summary of these chapters (no need for sound - it is just random music):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YNoizadK78

And text:

http://www.humanitiesresource.com/baroq ... bubble.htm
He isn’t implying I’m “mooching,” and MIL is well aware of my appreciation.

WhyohWhy nails it. It’s just him attempting to make backhanded digs from afar. From a safe distance.
Boundaries ensure that the consequences of people’s actions land squarely on them.

momjeans
Fuming
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 10:19 am

Re: It appears FIL is thirsty for some drama

Post by momjeans » Tue Oct 22, 2019 9:49 am

WhyOhWhy wrote:Good to see you, MomJeans!

The poor thing is clearly the unwitting messenger of your FIL's childish attempt to irritate and insult you. Next time, when you hand her the bulbs say "...and before you ask, these are FREE for you and a gesture of my thanks for all you do for me. See you next time!" with as big of a smile as you can muster so when she reports back, he'll know you are on to his game.

What an annoying turd. Definitely don't let him see you sweat whenever you are forced to be in the same space with him. I refuse to let my in-laws see how much they irritate me, and meanwhile I irritate the hell out of them by just breathing. I always get a chuckle from that 8)
Thank you!

You’re spot-on. As irritating as it is, it’s nothing more than him grasping at his ever-slipping role as patriarch of their toxic family tree. I mean, he’s “retired,” yet all he does is sit on social media all day, posting memes about how you need to respect and love your parents, because they’ll be gone one day. :roll:

I think it terrifies the ever-living crap out of him that his grown sons don’t orbit around him like they used to, and that I view him through a total different lens now.
Boundaries ensure that the consequences of people’s actions land squarely on them.

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