Of Course MIL is texting me now...

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KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:49 am

UnF’ing REAL!!!

A couple of days ago, my DH’s A passed away. I never met this A, I hear she was one of the good ones. Apparently she was my MIL’s SIL.

Anyway to make this short, my MIL has made this passing all drama and seeking comfort for herself. Basically using this death to gain sympathy.

In all her efforts to gain “poor me” sympathy, I guess some other close friends and family have lashed out at my MIL. My MIL explains to my DH that they’re all ganging up on her, they are saying mean things. One of her GF’s even went so far as to tell everyone that MIL has such a bad attitude and lacks love and empathy, “she doesn’t get along with her two DIL’s and her sons won’t come visit her”.

This explains why my DH was bantering around the house this morning how he might not ever see his mother again, “because she can’t seem to move forward”... blah blah blah..

And now with others pointing out that MIL is basically a flying B, she’s feeling like her own son is joining in on the bandwagon and only trying to hurt her too.

Anyway, I just received a text from the old shrew.... my DH asked if his NM has reached out to me this morning. I asked him, “why would she be contacting me”?

I told him this is unfair, especially IF SHE TOLD HIM SHES REACHING OUT TO ME!!!

This is BS. If she truly wanted to reach out to me and she wasn’t under any F’ing pressure, she would have done it on her own. It would have been from her heart. The fact she told my DH she was going to message me only means the damn triangle has begun. I told my DH this. I said that he’s picked up the F’ing rope now and I am going to be the bad guy because I am not responding to a text that was really meant for my DH. She’s not texting to make amends with me, she’s only texting me to make my DH happy and he’s buying it hook, line, sinker.

My DH is upset with me now. He thinks I’m being difficult and making this hard on his mother. This is NOT my demon, not my battle. I choose to stay in my lane. I told him I’m only here to support him. I want nothing from his mother

I am beyond PISSED off right now.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:55 am

Here’s the text from MIL :: Also, Added in UPDATE at the end of the post ::


“I want to say to you that I am sorry if I ever said or done anything that hurt you. We all say things that sometimes come out the wrong way or that can be hurtful to someone. I never meant to hurt you and I am saying to you that I am sorry. Please accept my apology.


Now how do I respond if ever?

Thank you in advance .... I hate this so much


Part of me wants to respond with:

No apologies needed, I know your heart and you know mine.
Please quit texting my DH your intentions. The triangle no longer works for us.
I wish you well, I hope you find your happiness. You won’t find it here, I’m not the scapegoat you seek.

::UPDATE::
I had once told my MIL that if she messages me in the future, it needs to be group text with my DH present. Now she’s re texted with him in the mix... omg, now what? How do I respond without giving her anything?

I want to speak my truth with my sample text above

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1683
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by Melody » Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:07 am

Don't respond. If you do, she has an opportunity to try to shove her foot in the door and keep bothering you.

Her own family can't stand her, so why do you have any obligation to talk to her? She's doing this out of total desperation (as if you didn't know).

And WOW! Was that ever a NON apology if I've ever seen one! I'm sorry your SO sensitive Keeperofprecious! Not even a rug sweep!

A dinky text? Come on! Plus how would she even know you got it unless DH tells her? Maybe you changed phones or she got the number wrong. Let her wonder! She's done enough to cause you angst - her turn now.

If DH asks if you got it tell him yes, but so what? When was the last time she tried to contact you and for what reason (spoiler - to get her way).

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:18 am

Melody

You nailed it!!! I reminded my DH that she did this the last time “you held she feet to the fire.”

I don’t even want to discuss this with him. But he’s going to need an answer. He knows everything he’s said to his NM and he has put the F’ing ball in my court. So unfair

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

rubycrownedkinglet
Nuclear
Posts: 1998
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:27 am

No response at all.
I know it's hard because this is your opportunity to get your say...but don't.
When your DH asks you, tell him you read the text, but you have considered it and you don't want to have contact with her again. She hasn't changed, you haven't changed. You are going to let it go.

He can do as he wishes, but please leave you out of it.

If he questions whether you are unforgiving tell him that you may forgive her, but that doesn't mean you will be in contact with her.

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:54 am

Thank you RCK

My DH is the one that’s difficult in this mess. His NM is easy. I don’t need to contact her and he takes it as if I’m not helping things move forward. There is no “thing” between his mother and me. I’m not involved in anything anymore and he needs to accept that.

Man he’s playing these cards hard with me. The whole guilt trip that places on me for not being able to see his mommy. I wish he would, but he won’t. He still keeps me as the meatshield buffer. To me that’s very telling when you won’t go visit your own mother without the spouse. He thinks that if I cave and make things easier on his NM, then she’ll be happy she gets to see him. How unfair.

I like your choice phrases. They will be helpful for me to use. They’re not disrespectful and they’re to the point. Thank you for this

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

jigglypuff
Nuclear
Posts: 2298
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Oct 24, 2019 6:02 pm

That apology doesn't seem the least bit sincere to me. Especially where she says "we all say things that hurt others sometimes". Lame excuse for her terrible behavior. Acting as if she doesn't know what she's done. She knows exactly what she's doing and she knows her son will fall for it.

I agree with the others, don't respond and stop caring too. Let your DH drone on about it, who cares? Don't feed into it. Ignore him. His mommy, his problem. Don't you worry about it for another minute. If the ball was thrown in your court, throw it right back. Give both your MIL and DH absolutely nothing. They can't do anything about it anyway. Let them deal with each other.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Of Course MIL is texting me now...

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:59 am

Jigglypuff,

Wow, exactly this!!! Thank you.

My DH hasn’t brought it up again. I’ve gone over and over in my head how I need to justify my non compliance and silence with her. Everything I come up with I know will have a counter attack and a “poor me” from my DH who’s working so hard at fixing his mother.

She hasn’t changed, she will never change and it’s not my responsibility to fix what she has broken. It isn’t his either. She has a husband of her own. She needs to worry about that relationship instead of inserting herself in ours.

My MIL has had ample time over the span of 2 years to make things right. She’s thrown out these little nuggets of non apology before. She has been silent since our last conversation one year ago.

My DH hasn’t complained about her silence, he needs to not complain about mine.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

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