BIL Hits One Outta the Park

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SonOutLaw
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BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by SonOutLaw » Mon Nov 04, 2019 7:25 pm

Backstory: DW and I have not talked to my inlaws (her parents) in 9+ years. We stopped talking to BIL shortly afterward. DW and he never had a "great" relationship growing up. BIL got married just after we did. After 10 years of marriage, he divorced his DW (3 years ago). My wife still hears from MIL every 3 to 6 months. BIL is the golden and anything he does is always in the most positive light. We gathered that he had an affair with a woman at work as he started dating her and moved in with her soon after.

New update: MIL recently called to let us know we have a niece....a 7 year old niece. BIL got an illegal alien pregnant. He works with cleaning crews as part of his job so we're assuming that is how they met. He has kept this child secret for 7 years. The child predates his divorce. He's been paying her in cash (MIL says it's for the child's care, we call it a bribe) ever since. Recently, she has asked for more money or she would take him to court...so all this became public knowledge. MIL and BIL are not really bright people. The illegal most likely could not take him to court due to her residency status.

He cheated on his wife not once but twice (maybe more) and paid cash for her silence. At the same point in time, the girlfriend/affair dumped him for someone else and moved out.

This news has raised a lot of thoughts between my wife and I. The fact that this was all hidden for years shows a level of deception that is scary (meaning: we could never have a relationship again with him). The parents' "rug sweeping" is hurtful to my wife. My wife and I are regular, hard-working folks who are raising a family. Yet, her parents choose to remain involved and active with BIL but not with us or their GKs. The PILs have even been visiting the new/7-year old GK. Don't get me wrong, we were already glad NOT having the PIL around this is just another example of their parenting skills. We're glad we're not involved with them. We just don't understand the psychology of their choices.

Why would people choose this drama over a normal relationship?

Melody
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by Melody » Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:00 pm

Wow, what a charmer.

Your wife's parents probably are drawn to BIL because he's the one who needs help. You know poor guy keeps meeting these terrible women that exploit him! - NOT! Meanwhile, he's a walking loser. He probably is handicapped more by accepting your IL's version of "help", but I'm sure they don't see it that way.

You and your wife have your sh*t together and have no need for them. Your ILs may be useless, but they don't want to think of themselves that way. I'm sure they have their own creative version of why you two won't accept their "help" - and most likely you are the scapegoat.

Sorry SonOutLaw!

All I can say that you guys CLEARLY did the right thing by going NC!!!

rubycrownedkinglet
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:13 pm

Isn't it amazing how they never cease to surprise us...by behaving in ways that are not surprising at all. It's like getting a gift of verification of our worst opinions of them.

When I first met CluelessBIL, my ESILs DH, I thought he was just a loser, i.e. harmless, but would never hold a good job or have any morals or contribute to society in a positive way.
He found out that he'd fathered a child during his late teens. According to him he didn't know it until the girl was 12-13. After a paternity test he had to start paying child support, long distance. When she turned 18, she wanted to get to know him and left the Midwest where her mother and step-father raised her to go to Redneckia to stay with him and ESIL for the summer before she went off to college.

To commemorate the big summer plans, CBIL decided to get a tattoo of her name on his arm, like he had when his son, Eddie Munster, was born. Awww, right? It ended badly after 5 weeks when the girl left them after a horrible altercation with ESIL and went back home to her mother. CBIL's tattoo was his only souvenir of the time they spent together.

I saw the tattoo a few months later and commented upon the unusual spelling of her very common name. CBIL had spelled it wrong. Forever. Eddie Munster's name is spelled oddly [like Edie] although it is also a common name. On his father's arm, it is spelled Eddie. Forever. Two kids, wrong spellings for both. Just one more sign of a "who gives a F" attitude. This all happened the summer before we cut the ESIBs and CBIL off.

Other than the tattoo, he never mentioned the girl to either of us again. It was as if she'd never existed. Personally, I felt sorry for her and wished she'd never met him. What a horrible disappointment.

SonOutLaw
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by SonOutLaw » Sat Nov 09, 2019 5:24 pm

Melody wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:00 pm
Wow, what a charmer.

Your wife's parents probably are drawn to BIL because he's the one who needs help. You know poor guy keeps meeting these terrible women that exploit him! - NOT! Meanwhile, he's a walking loser. He probably is handicapped more by accepting your IL's version of "help", but I'm sure they don't see it that way.

You and your wife have your sh*t together and have no need for them. Your ILs may be useless, but they don't want to think of themselves that way. I'm sure they have their own creative version of why you two won't accept their "help" - and most likely you are the scapegoat.

Sorry SonOutLaw!

All I can say that you guys CLEARLY did the right thing by going NC!!!
Indeed! We don't understand it (clearly) but glad our kids are not recipients of their "help".

SonOutLaw
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Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by SonOutLaw » Sat Nov 09, 2019 5:25 pm

rubycrownedkinglet wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:13 pm
Isn't it amazing how they never cease to surprise us...by behaving in ways that are not surprising at all. It's like getting a gift of verification of our worst opinions of them.

When I first met CluelessBIL, my ESILs DH, I thought he was just a loser, i.e. harmless, but would never hold a good job or have any morals or contribute to society in a positive way.
He found out that he'd fathered a child during his late teens. According to him he didn't know it until the girl was 12-13. After a paternity test he had to start paying child support, long distance. When she turned 18, she wanted to get to know him and left the Midwest where her mother and step-father raised her to go to Redneckia to stay with him and ESIL for the summer before she went off to college.

To commemorate the big summer plans, CBIL decided to get a tattoo of her name on his arm, like he had when his son, Eddie Munster, was born. Awww, right? It ended badly after 5 weeks when the girl left them after a horrible altercation with ESIL and went back home to her mother. CBIL's tattoo was his only souvenir of the time they spent together.

I saw the tattoo a few months later and commented upon the unusual spelling of her very common name. CBIL had spelled it wrong. Forever. Eddie Munster's name is spelled oddly [like Edie] although it is also a common name. On his father's arm, it is spelled Eddie. Forever. Two kids, wrong spellings for both. Just one more sign of a "who gives a F" attitude. This all happened the summer before we cut the ESIBs and CBIL off.

Other than the tattoo, he never mentioned the girl to either of us again. It was as if she'd never existed. Personally, I felt sorry for her and wished she'd never met him. What a horrible disappointment.
Wow! Not once but twice! Low attention span is definitely a factor with these types of folks. I think it is part and parcel of not being able to reflect on their bad behavior (or have empathy for others).

KeeperOfPrecious
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:06 am

rubycrownedkinglet wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:13 pm
Isn't it amazing how they never cease to surprise us...by behaving in ways that are not surprising at all.
It's like getting a gift of verification of our worst opinions of them.


This summed it all up for me. I was thinking the same thing. It’s like wonderful gift.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

KeeperOfPrecious
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:07 am

I still wish I knew how all you people are able to post quotes ... bear with me haha :lol:

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

rubycrownedkinglet
Nuclear
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Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 am

Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Nov 11, 2019 10:01 am

KeeperofPrecious, :lol:
I had the same issue for a long time!
Press [post reply] button
Highlight the passage you want to appear as a quote
Press ["] button

willthetruthbetold
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Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:33 am

Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by willthetruthbetold » Mon Nov 25, 2019 7:25 am

RubyCrownedKinglet, thank you for explaining how to post quotes! All these years here, and I've never figured it out!
SonOutLaw- It's a mystery why ILs treat some of us so badly while favoring people who don't seem to deserve it. It makes me wonder which comes first, the Golden Ones or the hypocritical ILs. Maybe the Golden Ones are messed up because of the favoritism.
As for the child, if I were your BIL, I'd ask for a paternity test. Either way, I'd get an attorney. If the child is his, your BIL is responsible for her.
Years ago, I wondered why my MIL and FIL favored Golden SIL's kids over ours and would talk about how great they were in front of our DD and DS. It was very hurtful. Now that DD and DS are grown, they realize how messed up their grandparents were and it was a life lesson that some people are just terribly flawed and can't be expected to be loving or normal. My FIL is still alive, very old, and my DD has cut off all contact with him. Our DS told me recently that he pretends that his grandfather is dead. Neither ever want to see him again. Both are glad that MIL and FIL focused their toxicity on their golden cousins, who are really messed up.

SonOutLaw
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Re: BIL Hits One Outta the Park

Post by SonOutLaw » Mon Nov 25, 2019 7:50 am

willthetruthbetold wrote:
Mon Nov 25, 2019 7:25 am
RubyCrownedKinglet, thank you for explaining how to post quotes! All these years here, and I've never figured it out!
SonOutLaw- It's a mystery why ILs treat some of us so badly while favoring people who don't seem to deserve it. It makes me wonder which comes first, the Golden Ones or the hypocritical ILs. Maybe the Golden Ones are messed up because of the favoritism.
As for the child, if I were your BIL, I'd ask for a paternity test. Either way, I'd get an attorney. If the child is his, your BIL is responsible for her.
Years ago, I wondered why my MIL and FIL favored Golden SIL's kids over ours and would talk about how great they were in front of our DD and DS. It was very hurtful. Now that DD and DS are grown, they realize how messed up their grandparents were and it was a life lesson that some people are just terribly flawed and can't be expected to be loving or normal. My FIL is still alive, very old, and my DD has cut off all contact with him. Our DS told me recently that he pretends that his grandfather is dead. Neither ever want to see him again. Both are glad that MIL and FIL focused their toxicity on their golden cousins, who are really messed up.
wttbt

Yes, strangely, BIL has asked for a paternity test and claims he wants to take care of the daughter in case the mom is deported. BIL has no morals or sense of responsibility so we're not quite sure what the actual angle (for him) is for getting the paternity test.

We plan the same for our children when they're in their teens. My own parents took us away from our grandparents due to a fight my mother had with my paternal grandmother. I found them to be caring people. I visited them a few times a year until they passed. I'd like my children to decide on a relationship when they are old enough to understand the complexity of relationships.

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