Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, meimei, willthetruthbetold

Post Reply
FatStu
Annoyed
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:27 am

Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Post by FatStu » Wed Nov 27, 2019 12:49 pm

There's been a few blow ups with the inlaws over the years but this time it's absolutely VILE.

A few months ago my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My wife was very close to her so she was very upset. We'd asked her to keep it secret from my MIL because she's a bit of a busy body and my Mum never really liked her that much. Didn't DISLIKE her but... well, you know.

Anyway I eventually realise my wife needed someone to vent to. So we allowed her to tell my MIL on the condition that my MIL doesn't contact us.

I'm picking up my kid from school and run into my wife's best friend. Who had been told about my Mum. I asked her where she'd heard the news from. Turned out it came from my MIL.

I was furious. When my wife spoke to my MIL over it she said she didn't know it was supposed to be a secret - and then started spouting off about how she'll never come round to visit us again.

Anyway. Eventually nature took it's course with my Mum. My MIL asked if she could come to the funeral. Before she passed my Mum and I made a list of who she wanted there and who she didn't. MIL was not on it.

It was a private thing you see, and I personally just did not want to have to deal with my MIL on that out of all days. So the answer was no.

My MIL went crazy. Accused us of trying to push her out of our kids' lives. Said she wanted to come and support them, even though there was plenty of my family already there to do so.

Cut to a couple of months later. With Christmas coming up I ask my wife to speak to MIL and find out where we stand.

MIL again starts saying vile things about me. Bringing up some stuff that occurred 13 years ago. Total character assassination. And doing it when I'm grieving. Talk about kick someone when they're down. She also accused us of lying about the list we made in regards to guests at the funeral - which I thought was particularly despicable.

So I'm spending the day I should be spending with the inlaws at my aunt's.

My wife can see how my MIL is being and has assured me it's not my fault. This whole thing has soured her view of her. I'm sad about that because it's all stemmed from an event in my family.

But yeah. My MIL's behaviour has been absolutely poisonous.

Any advice on dealing with this?

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:34 pm

FatStu~

I’m sorry for your loss, and sorry you need to be here. Welcome, you’re in good company among us.

My input is brief. Your MIL has shown her true self, this is her heart. Trust this. She will NEVER change. She might change her tactics to be in good graces, but she’ll never change her heart. The mask has been removed permanently.

How you handle this? I think you found out “where you stand” when your MIL sprouted off. She’s poisonous as you stated and she has no room in your family. Your MIL is only extended family and should be treated as such. Set those boundaries. I think your wife should respect the fact that you’d like to protect your family from the negative impact she has on all of you. I would start with this Christmas. No visits from MIL.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

FatStu
Annoyed
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:27 am

Re: Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Post by FatStu » Thu Nov 28, 2019 5:21 am

Thank you. My wife and kids will see MIL on Boxing Day. I won't go with them. Even though I don't think all that much of my MIL I won't stand in the way of my wife and kids having a relationship with her. I don't think I really have the right to do that.

But I don't have to.

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Post by WhyOhWhy » Fri Nov 29, 2019 1:36 pm

FatStu wrote:
Thu Nov 28, 2019 5:21 am
Thank you. My wife and kids will see MIL on Boxing Day. I won't go with them. Even though I don't think all that much of my MIL I won't stand in the way of my wife and kids having a relationship with her. I don't think I really have the right to do that.

But I don't have to.
That's pretty much what I do: I stay home as much as possible while the kids and hubs see the in-laws. I would say don't have your wife gauging "where you stand" with her mother any more. You seem to know where you stand with her and where she stands with you. No need to poke a bear when not necessary, you know? Have a nice holiday season and enjoy staying far from such a toxic person.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

FatStu
Annoyed
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:27 am

Re: Mother In Law's cruel behaviour

Post by FatStu » Fri Nov 29, 2019 2:24 pm

Yeah. That's the plan going forward. Just have as close to no contact as possible.

Post Reply