Guilt Trip

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KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Guilt Trip

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Tue Dec 03, 2019 2:14 pm

Can any of you imagine how horrible it would feel, if the only reason your children contact you, or come visit you, is because you’ve guilted them?

This is all my MIL has left in this world now. Guilt trip tactics or emotional manipulation as I like to call it, is all she has left. She has completely killed any excitement for anyone to come see her. Her sons and grandchildren dread the mandatory phone calls and texts, it’s that bad.

Our son is home for the holidays and has not reached out to his Narc Grandmother (NG) while he’s been here, it’s been eating her alive. She can’t stand it that he’s here with us and he hasn’t called her. So he had to make an excruciating phone call to make NG Happy. All this did was make him feel worse. Those phone calls are always a barrage of questions. She learned that DS is traveling all over the country to visit family, he failed to mention her lol. He has made NO plans to visit his NG. Now she’s even more unbearable.

I simply sit back and watch her kill off all possibilities. This is a surefire bet that I won’t have to come in contact with her for at least 6 or 7 more months. It’s been exactly 2 years, 1 month and 6 days since I’ve had to be in the same breathing space as my MIL. This is all her doing and she cannot get herself straightened out for that visit she wants so bad, clearly she doesn’t want it bad enough, she’s reduced to pity parties. If we plan a trip to the Midwest, and that’s a BIG “If”, that’s the only chance she’ll have. She won’t be invited of course, but she’ll make that trip up north to invade ours. I need to decide if I’m going to dangle that carrot lol .... nope, hahah not gunna. Wow, she’s something else

What are some of your MIL guilt trips? How creative is she?

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1683
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by Melody » Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:29 pm

Oh yes, the guilt trips. If only they extended 1/10th the amount of energy attempting to be decent or thinking of anyone other than themselves.

DH's stepmonster had relatives and even a friend (who could believe she had one) who were "dying with no hope of recovery" going for YEARS AND YEARS as an excuse why she couldn't ever be bothered to make any of us any kind of priority for anything. Yet we had to drop anything and everything to come running when she snapped her fingers.

Many of of these "dying with hope of recovery" priority relationships would, of course, recover. Then it would be "a miracle". Apparently, the miracle was that she could recycle whichever relative for the next drama.

Then of course there were her horrible illnesses, that included her fake throat cancer, fake "terrible heart problems", kidney failure (which turned out to be a POSSIBLE infection because she wasn't drinking enough water), etc, etc, etc.

And then the dogs' health, before she got bored of them and had them put down.

As DH put it, she throws "Guilt Bombs" then runs and hides. "Its part of her religious training" (as a total hypocrytical fake Catholic).

PutMILinherplace
Enraged
Posts: 846
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:46 am
Location: South Carolina

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by PutMILinherplace » Tue Dec 03, 2019 10:22 pm

Pack your bags we're going on a guilt trip!

My MIL tried a guilt trip with me not long before DH and I were married. I looked at her, laughed and said, "You know guilt trips dont work on me, right? " She was so flustered she couldnt say anything at first. Of course she then denied she was doing that.

Long after we were married she must of forgotten and tried it again. I said, "I guess you have forgotten that guilt trips dont work with me." Again, she was flustered. "Look, you may be able to get away with that crap with your daughter (my sweetheart of a SIL) and my husband, but not with me. So dont even try it. They just peeve me off. I will do the opposite just to make the point they dont work." She got up and left the house. She tried to "tell " on me to DH but all it did was make him admire me for not allowing them to manipulate me. 8)

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:14 am

Melody & PMILIHP ~

Waiting for the “illness” from my MIL lol... she’s pulling more drama as we speak.

I’ll use the “don’t you know guilt trips don’t work on me”, pretty soon I’m sure. After every heated conversation my DH has with his NM, she feels compelled to reach out to me. I told my DH, not this time. She is NOT to contact me over this. “I am not putting myself in the position to make her look good, she only reaches out to me because she thinks it’s what you need her to do”.

My DH unloaded a bunch of drama she’s still pulling. He asked me not to speak, he wanted me to only listen. MIL has now stooped to “it feels like I am already dead to you”, with my DH. He’s had enough, he’s done with her guilt and inability to see that she’s the one with the problem. Her circle has shrunk significantly and she thinks the world is against her. He tried to point out that she needs to look at herself and consider she might be the issue. She can’t see it. He’s done. He made some comments that tell me he’s finally excepted that she will never change. He feels it would make life easier if she was dead. Phew, that was harsh this morning. I’m happy he’s finally had this revelation.

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

rubycrownedkinglet
Nuclear
Posts: 1998
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:27 am

I remember MIL's guilt trips well, and they were epic. The first 10-15 minutes of every conversation with DH, whether he called MIL or she called him, was wasted on the fact that he had not called her before that moment. Even if it had just been a few days since she'd seen us or talked, he was ALWAYS supposed to have called her already.

At least the first hour of every visit to Redneckia was wasted by MIL chastising us for not living there so that she could see us every day. [Sorry, I think I just threw up a little]
I'm not sure what her aim was, really. Sooner or later DH would get frustrated at his polite replies being turned around to try to force a guilty confession that he chose a well-paying job in a the big city over being with family and living up to the family obligation of taking care of the PILs and the ESIBs. [Odd how the ESIBs, who lived with or within 5 miles of MIL except for a couple months, never felt guilt about not taking care of the PILs. Quite the opposite. Just sayin']

Over the years, DH or I got better at cutting off the rant shorter and shorter. Finally, I just waited for MIL to finish saying it the first time, then responded that we were "glad to be here now, so let's not use what little time we have to visit by talking about not being here...because here we are!"

I can't tell you how confused she was, having her whole rant cut short in a polite, yet direct way. It told her that the guilt trip wasn't going to work at all.

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Thu Dec 05, 2019 10:00 am

Ruby~

I suggested to my DH that he start placing his mother on a LC, weekly, like every Saturday update. He told me that it would only make things worse than they are. She is relentless.

I’ve been patiently waiting for her to hang herself, so far she has the rope around her neck. Since my DH won’t go LC, it gives her more time to wear him to the point where he pushes her off the stool lol.

He experiences the same as your story. If he misses a couple days, she’s horribly evil. I need to help DH with your tactic of cutting the rants short in sweet, little polite direct way lol ... she is so easy to push off kilter. If I still had contact with her, I’d have a great time confusing the F out of her lol

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

jigglypuff
Nuclear
Posts: 2298
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by jigglypuff » Thu Dec 05, 2019 3:24 pm

See, my MIL is smarter than that. Her children and family flock to her like mindless sheep and happily do her bidding. Why? She gets them everything they want. She pays their rent, buys their furniture, cleans their homes, buys their groceries and probably wipes their asses too. She coddles them and they are addicted to the lifestyle she provides them. It has disabled them as properly functioning adults. Which is why they can't do anything on their own without mommy. She even thinks for them. They can't keep healthy romantic relationships because they're married to their mother.

The only time I can think of MIL using a guilt trip was on DH when she wanted to gather her little posse together to go confront someone at DH's GF's funeral. That was the lowest I've ever seen MIL stoop. Who gathers their kids together to have a fight at a funeral they shouldn't even be attending? She's disgusting. Thank God I haven't been around her since xmas of 2011.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by WhyOhWhy » Sun Dec 08, 2019 8:03 pm

My MIL once suggested that as women we are the caretakers and peacemakers of the family (yeah, the irony of that statement coming from her) and that it was essentially my job to make nice even though I WAS making nice and it was another family member who was being a complete ass. That person didn't have to "make nice", strangely. I couldn't comply with the request since there was literally nothing else I could do besides what I was already doing and tolerating. At the end of the day, I realized that my only escape was to "not make nice" in order to force the issue. When I used a microscopic moment in time to give that person a dose of their own medicine, everyone lost their collective minds and I was finally (at long last) left alone and no longer tormented by this person.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1683
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by Melody » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:50 pm

@WhyOhWhy - just enough of a of sh*t stir to change the balance of things.

I never used to think this way, but now I'm ROFLMAO! Sadly this is the only thing that seems to get through to these type of people. But that is funny!

SonOutLaw
Infuriated
Posts: 272
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by SonOutLaw » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:38 pm

KeeperOfPrecious wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 2:14 pm
Can any of you imagine how horrible it would feel, if the only reason your children contact you, or come visit you, is because you’ve guilted them?

This is all my MIL has left in this world now. Guilt trip tactics or emotional manipulation as I like to call it, is all she has left. She has completely killed any excitement for anyone to come see her. Her sons and grandchildren dread the mandatory phone calls and texts, it’s that bad.

Our son is home for the holidays and has not reached out to his Narc Grandmother (NG) while he’s been here, it’s been eating her alive. She can’t stand it that he’s here with us and he hasn’t called her. So he had to make an excruciating phone call to make NG Happy. All this did was make him feel worse. Those phone calls are always a barrage of questions. She learned that DS is traveling all over the country to visit family, he failed to mention her lol. He has made NO plans to visit his NG. Now she’s even more unbearable.

I simply sit back and watch her kill off all possibilities. This is a surefire bet that I won’t have to come in contact with her for at least 6 or 7 more months. It’s been exactly 2 years, 1 month and 6 days since I’ve had to be in the same breathing space as my MIL. This is all her doing and she cannot get herself straightened out for that visit she wants so bad, clearly she doesn’t want it bad enough, she’s reduced to pity parties. If we plan a trip to the Midwest, and that’s a BIG “If”, that’s the only chance she’ll have. She won’t be invited of course, but she’ll make that trip up north to invade ours. I need to decide if I’m going to dangle that carrot lol .... nope, hahah not gunna. Wow, she’s something else

What are some of your MIL guilt trips? How creative is she?
Ugh, sounds just like my own Narc Mom. We cut her off about 2 years ago. In my family, you must, must bow down to her. I've had a few conversations over the years with her where I suggested she look at herself. They always ended in a blow out (her hanging up and stopping talking to us). She decided a few years ago she didn't want to come see us anymore, so with no conversation, she calls my wife (not her son) a few days before Christmas (they used to come at Christmas and the kids birthdays) and said she couldn't make it this year (no explanation) but would come after Christmas. The next day the gifts arrived by UPS (1 present per kid). It was planned, she had mailed the gifts days before the phone call. I think she expected us to be upset and to drive to see them (we haven't been down in 5 years) but instead, we were all happy and relieved. This upset her.

Then we skipped sending a gift, card or phone call for her birthday (which is the day you as her child do not skip). She then started sending us religious cards with "Forgive Me" written inside. Forgiven for what, she does not know. The cards were for her to claim the high ground...we did not budge.

Finally, she sent my dad up (4 hours away, unannounced). Dad is nice but spineless and carries water for mom. He came in and asked why we were not in contact. We told him how mom was manipulating him and gave him examples. He said she told him that we (wife and I) would not let him into the house. Imagine, "allowing" your husband to visit your children and telling him, "don't be surprised when they won't let you in". He said he would be back in a few months to visit and go camping. We know he told her everything because we never heard from him again.

KeeperOfPrecious
Infuriated
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:34 am

Re: Guilt Trip

Post by KeeperOfPrecious » Tue Dec 17, 2019 2:20 pm

SonofOutlaw

Your NM sounds exactly like my MIL with the exception of CO. My MIL will never CO my DH because she enjoys her handiwork too much. She loves the drama. She will stir a pot, upset my DH and then call the next day and be overly charming and sweet. Condescending as heck. She’s manipulative and controlling, it’s entertainment for her. He’s almost maxed.

I remember the story about your father coming for an unannounced visit. That so crazy and very interesting. He hasn’t reached out since then huh... hmmm... yep, does sound like he told your NM everything. Ugh, what part of his life is better? You would think he’d choose surrounding himself with a happy, well functioning family. It’s something I never understand. My NMIL chooses misery every single day too. It’s so exhausting and takes far more effort than happiness. I don’t get it

The devil himself is impressed with her handiwork.

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