Fed Up

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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Fed Up

Post by Hemphill1986 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 11:39 pm

My MIL has always showed favoritism to my SIL who has no kids. I’ve never felt good enough which she has made clear through her subtle jabs and ignoring me. She’s made fun of my father who had a drug issue and she always has a stuck up attitude around my other family members and friends. She doesn’t interact with my daughter’s. I even caught her making fun of my daughter who was having issues wetting the bed. My DH did step away for awhile but my FIL passed 6 months ago and they had a heart to heart but where was OUR apology. Every time I bring it up he acts defensive or like a deer caught in head lights. He even said you act like u don’t want me to have a relationship with my mother. This has been a 13 year issue. I feel hurt, angry, and resentful. Why do I even try or care???

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Re: Fed Up

Post by WhyOhWhy » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:43 pm

I think many of us have been there with our husbands. I'm so sorry. It's hard to get them to actually see the manipulation, toxicity, and unfairness of the situation. I got to a point where I said to my husband "You can do whatever you like with your mother, just realize that I choose NOT to. I find her toxic and manipulative and hurtful, and as a result I choose to keep a safe distance from her for my sake and the sake of all of our children. But, just realize that just because YOU choose to have a relationship with her, absolutely does not mean that I or our children will be following suit, and hear me now my friend, I will do whatever I need to to protect our children. That is not up for debate. I am willing to compromise and allow supervised (and infrequent) visitations, but I will take each situation one at a time on a case-by-case basis and decide if it makes sense to involve the kids in it or not."

He knows not to push me on this, because I've done such things as schedule things for the kids on days that his mother was going to pop by (including inviting friends of my kids to come over and play so that their attention is elsewhere during her visit). If she tried to arrive unannounced, I have gone so far as to pack up the kids and leave the moment she arrived, citing another engagement.

Sometimes it needs to be a carrot-and-stick situation. I reward him heavily when he stands up to them and quite the opposite if he doesn't address things. He knows life is happier when he protects us and the kids.
I will not let them drag me down to their level again

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Re: Fed Up

Post by Melody » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:47 pm

What Why Oh Why said.

And really, after 13 years of being treated the way you have, why would you? I would repeat that to DH ad nauseam. Make it clear that this was MIL's decision, not yours. And now its too late.

I've called DH's stepmonster (the MIL I vent about) a baby hater. Maybe your MIL is too. So WHY would you want them to be around her DH? Look how MIL only wants to hang out with the DIL that doesn't have kids.

And have a serious discussion with DH. MIL is not entitled to any information about you or your family.

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