Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

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Melody
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Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

Post by Melody » Mon Nov 02, 2020 6:21 pm

2020 has been, for the most part, an awful year on so many levels. But there have been some upsides. I personally, am an introvert, so I don't mind being "shut in" and having life be a little simpler without as many expectations. I wonder if most of us are feeling the same about the holidays.

I told DH that I was OK if his cousin holds her usual Christmas day shindig and would leave it to her and her parents (who had the foresight to cancel THEIR traditional every year Easter plans very early in the pandemic) very good judgement and to my sister and husband about Thanksgiving (they have been living self-sufficient and off the grid for years - with BIL doing essential shopping once a week).

DH agreed completely and added that its OK that its just us - meaning the six of us. (With the two older kids coming and going when they can). This is a HUGE HUGE relief to me. That means minimal bullcrap to deal with with his paaaaaarents (who have been no-shows to the cousin's and aunts a number of times now. There was also a blow out because stepmonster was caught in the act stealing from Aunt's wonderful sister who is suffering from dementia).

So now my biggest concern or dread is only the BIG holiday coming up. You know, stepmonster's birthday. Nephew has a birthday around Thanksgiving and they do a lame "coffee and cake" and then two weeks later is the National holiday of stepmonster. (We haven't seen them for thanskgiving in years for reasons including that there "may or may not" be enough room for my older kids. Thank goodness DH said F that years ago.) But this dumb coffee and cake is usually the start to stepmonster's love bombing and asking for the kids "wish lists" (that she NEVER uses) for Christmas as well as her pretending to be interested in any aspect of our lives (But enough about me! What do YOU think about me?).

Do I mention the predictable love bombing to DH? The upside would be to call the narc manipulation that I know he is already at least subconsciously aware of. He's been more aware of things recently and it could be a good laugh when she begins pulling her predictable crap. The downside is that it could/and has started fights and that he'll "remember" to buy her a gift (which has been the same stupid thing for both b-day and mother's day for years now - but even more woeful as she rotted out her teeth.).

WhyOhWhy
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Re: Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

Post by WhyOhWhy » Mon Nov 02, 2020 7:34 pm

Oh, you get love-bombed right before the blessed birthday as well?! This time of year begins the love-bombing, because MIL wants to ensure she's held aloft for both her birthday and Christmas. DH falls for it every single time, thinking his mother is "feeling nostalgic" for the holidays. Even now he thinks the most recent love-bombing means his mother might be "coming around". His selective memory kicks into gear every year at this time, only to be swept right back onto his feet when the IL's do the absolute bare minimum. My response is typically to leave the gift-giving to him, because I got hip to her game many long years ago.
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WhyOhWhy
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Re: Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

Post by WhyOhWhy » Mon Nov 02, 2020 7:40 pm

p.s. As a result of the pandemic, we also will be enjoying Thanksgiving and Christmas by ourselves this year (aww, darn!).
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rubycrownedkinglet
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Re: Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

Post by rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Nov 03, 2020 4:42 pm

Melody wrote:
Mon Nov 02, 2020 6:21 pm
Do I mention the predictable love bombing to DH?
I get the temptation to do it, you know I do, but I think that is one particularly mangy sleeping mutt that I would let lie. I'd wait until she reaches out and then say something like, "Right on time. You could set your calendar by her."

It is sad for us being so close to the new ILs we really do love and not being able to celebrate the holidays with them. We spent many years by choice not making the drive to visit the old ILs and most years had dinner with our FOC besties. When work schedules did not permit that, DH and I loved our sweet little thanksgivings with our roasted tiny turkey breast flanked by small sides, a special dessert and a nice bottle of wine to share. We usually celebrated in our best sweats and good slippers while renting a few movies or watching football.

For the last two years we have had 20+ at our house for Thanksgiving and I'll miss them, but I find a nice, quiet meal sounds really good right now. So I don't mind at all.

Melody
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Re: Upsides to the Pandemic and preparing for the holidays

Post by Melody » Wed Nov 04, 2020 11:30 am

@WhyOhWhy - My goodness, wow how I relate! Although when you spell it out like this, I'm now realizing something. DH also suffers from amnesia and then believes that the manipulation is "trying" or whatever horse crap. This has gone on for so many years that I'm also the one acting crazy because I keep wanting to believe DH has learned his lesson!

I also have left the gift-giving to DH and it irks me that he wastes so much money on her birthday, but he gets her the same thing every year with zero thought invested. (And sometimes nuts because, in his words, "she is one").

Since there is game playing every freaking year with gifts for the kids. Some years it has been blaming ME for not getting her a "wish list" that she NEVER USES to her on time. Then there was the "buy the kids all $100 in gift cards" from US when my husband was out on disability. Then he had to badger them over and over again to get reimbursed. Although DH made progress when I stopped buying them anything so for a few years now, he's gotten them a well deserved nothing for Christmas - Good times.

WhyOhWhy - Your holiday plans sound lovely.

@Rubycrownedkinglet - Thank you for being the voice of reason. It is tempting, but that makes a lot of sense.

Your plans sound perfect too, and I hear you about missing the people we care about. My sister and husband decided that they will remain shut in, so we are both disappointed but will make something work even if its just a video chat. She also mentioned to keep an eye out for packages from businesses local to her as she and her husband are trying to support them.

So immediate family dinner for us too - and only with requested dishes, lol.

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