They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 237
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Post by WhyOhWhy » Fri Dec 04, 2020 12:28 pm

My in-laws have been notorious over the years for expecting (demanding, really) that they are never held responsible for their actions and that everything must be swept under the rug. We were always to move on as though it never happened although they could hold a grudge as long as they wanted. The very moment they began love bombing again we were expected to fall into line.

I cannot express how much I mean this: those days are well and truly over. Good behavior on our part isn't about jumping through their hoops. It's because we won't lower ourselves to act in the despicable ways that they act.

The holidays tend to be when these niceties come out, and of course we're damned if we do and damned if we don't shower my MIL with gifts that will glorify her. Of course, one way or the other she will be the victim of some horrible injustice done by us either way. Her favorite game is to downplay whatever we do for her so she comes across as the victim of her ungrateful son and even more ungrateful and horrible DIL (that's me).

If we do nice things she acts as though it is expected and long overdue (and certainly could never compensate for all of the many times she's felt we should have done more). We can't win, which is of course the point in her eyes.

This year she's trying a new tack. She's taking my nice gestures and using them to brag to her greater circle. She's run out of things to brag about so she's finally lowered herself to brag about SOME of the things I do for her (like providing photos and gifts). As a result, I get this half-time, artificial sweetness that only barely covers up her contempt for me. I'm not sure why she thinks I would fall for that. Does she think I believe she suddenly, after all these years, likes and approves of me and wants a relationship?

That would be nice (if true) if only she were CAPABLE of healthy relationships with people. If only she weren't always waiting with a dagger in the other hand.

This isn't asking for advice, it's just a vent...because my methods have been working pretty well. Certain boundaries are kept in place, and minor efforts keep things on a somewhat peaceful keel with MIL.

Bottom Line: She's as full of shit as ever, but these days I only detachedly watch the spectacle.
*** The North Remembers ***

Melody
Nuclear
Posts: 1722
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Post by Melody » Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:22 pm

I'm with you, relate to so much of this and am happy you are finally finding some piece!
WhyOhWhy wrote:
Fri Dec 04, 2020 12:28 pm
My in-laws have been notorious over the years for expecting (demanding, really) that they are never held responsible for their actions and that everything must be swept under the rug. We were always to move on as though it never happened although they could hold a grudge as long as they wanted. The very moment they began love bombing again we were expected to fall into line.

- Yep, DH's stepmonster started a few weeks ago asking for the children's holiday "wish list" that she never uses. She actually ASKED about how we were doing the last time we saw her (at BIL's house), a very very rare event. She also sent a holiday card a month early.

- The timing? All within two weeks of and the day before the high holy holiday of the birth of the Saint of Bitches. (Stepmonster thinks she's gift to the world of dog experts. Meanwhile I watched a dog she knew bite her til she bled, lol).

Her favorite game is to downplay whatever we do for her so she comes across as the victim of her ungrateful son and even more ungrateful and horrible DIL (that's me).

- Yep, for years she either didn't acknowledge gifts OR complained that they weren't good enough.

If we do nice things she acts as though it is expected and long overdue .

This year she's trying a new tack. She's taking my nice gestures and using them to brag to her greater circle.

- I feel for you WhyOhWhy, mine has burned so many bridges I don't think anyone believes her anymore.

Does she think I believe she suddenly, after all these years, likes and approves of me and wants a relationship?

- Don't you wish they'd just go away?

This isn't asking for advice, it's just a vent...because my methods have been working pretty well. Certain boundaries are kept in place, and minor efforts keep things on a somewhat peaceful keel with MIL.

- DH only sent stepmonster two smaltzy inaccurate cards about how great she is. He had to remind the kids multiple times to text her, whereas years past he'd make me call her and put the kids on the phone. Not even a lame gift. This was either to appease her or FIL.

Bottom Line: She's as full of shit as ever, but these days I only detachedly watch the spectacle.
- We're only capable of changing what we do (or don't do). And lets hope that we are done with the drama for 2020!

SonOutLaw
Infuriated
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Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:03 am

Re: They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Post by SonOutLaw » Mon Dec 07, 2020 10:44 pm

I can definitely relate to your story. Venting, especially in writing, helps a ton.

Do you think you and your DH would ever go full no contact with your MIL?

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 237
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Post by WhyOhWhy » Wed Dec 09, 2020 3:30 pm

SonOutLaw wrote:
Mon Dec 07, 2020 10:44 pm
I can definitely relate to your story. Venting, especially in writing, helps a ton.

Do you think you and your DH would ever go full no contact with your MIL?
No. DH is too afraid of hurting his Mummy's feelings. We are pretty low contact for the most part. Once MIL passes, however, I expect he'll happily continue to be NC with his father, and possibly his siblings as well.
*** The North Remembers ***

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
Posts: 237
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Re: They Shouldn't Get Ideas

Post by WhyOhWhy » Wed Dec 09, 2020 3:36 pm

@Melody, it seems as though it's the Same Shit Different Day for you guys as well!!
Don't you just love the love bombing that happens right before special days where they hope you'll pamper them?

I also wanted to add, that a certain situation we've spoken about is happening again and I will need to be on the look out to ensure it's not something that will hurt the feelings of one child or the other. It's sad when you need to monitor everything your IL's do to ensure that they aren't trying to hurt your children's feelings (yet again).
*** The North Remembers ***

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