I absolutely hate my in-laws from a guy's point of view

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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Depressed_guy
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I absolutely hate my in-laws from a guy's point of view

Post by Depressed_guy » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:54 am

A lot of the submissions here are probably from a woman's point of view, but a guy's inlaws could be just as toxic, actually more toxic than the woman's inlaws. Guys suffer a lot mentally and emotionally and feel cornered out by his inlaws. Nobody supports him. The woman whom he considers to be his wife, gangs up with her parents and siblings and they together make the guy's life a living hell. The guy basically becomes a doormat to them, they stomp over him, use him and abuse him continuously. He basically becomes their slave and has to do everything they say, but they will never listen to or care what he says or feels. The husband/son-in-law/brother-in-law has no respect or value. He is thrown around and abused, and he feels like a soccer ball. If he dares utters something out of a broken heart to simply beg for basic respect, he is shut down, taunted, yelled at, verbally abused and insulted. The wife, wife's parents and siblings all gang up on him. It becomes so worse that he starts hating his life, himself and doesn't wanna come home. He dreads having to come home at the end of the day after work is over. She fights, argues and insults the guy's parents, but the guy is fully expected to respect and honor the wife's parents. Never, ever, ever get married in this day and age. It is absolutely the worst mistake you will make. The amount of depression you will go through as a guy is indescribable. It is beyond words. I hate my life, i hate my sister in law, father in law, i despise my mother in law and brother in law. They all control me and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. This is mental torture and I don't know what to do. There is no solution when your own wife doesn't wanna listen to you or doesn't care about what you have to say. A marriage can only work if both husband and wife are willing to respect and listen to ewch other, if one partner overpowers and dominates the other person, that it is a compromise and not a relationship or a marriage, it is a compromise to the ugly and horrible situation.
Last edited by Depressed_guy on Mon Jan 25, 2021 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Melody
Nuclear
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Re: I absolutely hate my in-laws from a guy's point of view

Post by Melody » Mon Jan 25, 2021 12:11 pm

Hugs! And welcome! I feel for you - as I do for men in domestic abuse situations. Men are not taken as seriously, or even worse ridiculed. So they have even less outlets.

I only have one totally suck in-law - but with a bunch of enablers. It sounds like you have a bunch of @ssholes, but even worse your wife puts them first. Have you ever suggested couples counseling with her? Maybe even suggest (and I know its a leap of faith) that she pick out the counselor so she's more likely to want to go.

A few years back my DH and I (and he can't complain about ILs because my parents are long gone and he actually likes my siblings and their kids) went for couples counseling - emphasized not allowing "thirds" to interfere in your marriage. My DH picked the counselor and it helped us a bunch. The counselor told me - much to my horror - that I couldn't ask him to cut his nasty toxic stepmonster out of our lives. BUT, it was HIS job to protect me and the kids from her and that I and the kids were NEVER to be left alone with stepmonster.

Spoiler alert - guess who went LC immediately without even talking about it, lol.

Your wife either needs to be made to understand that you're feeling trapped and something MUST be done about it NOW - either with her or without her.

PutMILinherplace
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Re: I absolutely hate my in-laws from a guy's point of view

Post by PutMILinherplace » Mon Jan 25, 2021 4:08 pm

Welcome. So sorry you are in the same boat as all of us here.
A lot of the submissions here are probably from a woman's point of view
There actually are some men on this site. Many do not post.

Statistically speaking there probably are just as many men as women in this situation but like domestic abuse you dont hear as much about the men being abused as women. I think some of it, as far as this forum is concerned, is that men typically dont ....share their emotions like women do. The vast majority of women are far more talkative then men. Men tend to not talk about their feelings like women do. Not say its good or bad just stating the way it is.

Its good you are talking about it. In this case I hope there are no children. PLEASE triple up on the birth control to make sure you dont make an innocent child suffer

1- You are making a great start by seeing there is a problem.

2- You need to get into counseling. Like YESTERDAY! Go without wife. Her and her family will berate you so while I dont normally suggest keeping things from one's spouse, this is one case where I wouldn't mention it until the counselor feels you are ready.

3- You need to understand that this is a "them" problem. She/they are abusers and they will try to put it as your fault. It is a "you " problem in only that you allow it. Not trying to blame you or anything trying to make you see you have the power, you have given it to them now its way past time you take it back.

This is going to be a long process. You and you alone have the power to change it.

I keep saying this: You can not change another's behavior, only your response to it.

Whether your wife wants to change later on, I cant say but you are going to have to be committed to fixing/helping you become a better and happier person.
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

WhyOhWhy
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Re: I absolutely hate my in-laws from a guy's point of view

Post by WhyOhWhy » Sun Feb 07, 2021 12:32 am

Welcome to the site!

I'm sorry to say this, but you have a WIFE problem as much as an in-law problem. THAT is where you need to focus your time and energy. She's abusing you by proxy (at best). I divorced my first husband for many of those things you mentioned in your post. My (now) second husband is wonderful and will stand up for me and our children against his horrid parents (admittedly, it did take some time to help him grow a backbone to do it, but at least he didn't also treat me like a doormat alongside them).

I'm so sorry, because really it's not a great sign for your marriage :cry:
*** The North Remembers ***

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