Hate my SIL & Niece

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paul82
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Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 4:56 pm

Hate my SIL & Niece

Post by paul82 » Mon Feb 22, 2021 5:01 pm

Hi,

My SIL is a junkie, her kid was taken off her nearly 3 years ago. My husband basically badgered me into a corner to the point that we had to ask the social workers that we want to look after the kid.

kid is now here and we are paying for EVERYTHING. Clothes, food, furniture....literally making us broke looking after the thing.

We have asked for support from the social work and had nothing and the mother being the mother is an awful bitch. constantly onto us for money as she is a drug addict.

I literally can't handle it anymore.

The kid doesn't listen to me, but listens to my husband. She is a spoilt little witch,

Am I being selfish by feeling this hatred toward her and my SIL.

PutMILinherplace
Enraged
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:46 am
Location: South Carolina

Re: Hate my SIL & Niece

Post by PutMILinherplace » Mon Mar 01, 2021 11:35 am

No, you are not bad for feeling the way you do. You had this dumped on you without your consent. It is normal and perfectly understandable to feel as you do. I sure would.

However, what would be bad is to take it out on the child. Not saying you are.

First, how old is this child?

Second, you need to understand some things. This kid's life is in turmoil. They are being shoved around, mistreated, neglected , probably abused. Because of this, acting out is expected. Heck , I would be concerned if they didnt.

That being said, this child will need some good disciplined given consistently and with love. She needs to be set down and explained that while this isnt what she wanted or the ideal situation, you want to do what you can to help her, love her but there will be consequences (age appropriate) for her misbehavior. In order to be part of family there are rules that must be followed. You understand this is hard on her but you will work with her .

Pick your battles; wearing mismatched clothes or not picking up every single thing in her room , so what. Being disrespectful or disobedient, time out chair (if young), no TV or electronics if older for a time. You get the idea. A little of bit of counseling for you both wont hurt.

Oh and the SIL is a miserable human being. No doubt though I wouldnt frame it that way to the child.
You cant set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Melody
Nuclear
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Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:28 pm

Re: Hate my SIL & Niece

Post by Melody » Mon Mar 01, 2021 7:53 pm

I had the same question about the child's age. I also think PutMILinHerPlace's advice is spot on and agree completely.

The situation completely sucks, but this is an innocent child who has little choice but to act out. Until this point she has been missing any guardian role models.

And yes, it is unfair to you. And the burden somehow does usually (not always!) fall on the woman - even though you didn't chose this.

Try not to speak ill of your awful SIL. I'm sure your niece already knows she's a piece of sh*t, but it won't do her any good to hear it, and may worsen her self esteem.

Have your DH talk to her about listening to you - with appropriate discipline if she doesn't. And like PutMILinHerPlace said, do not sweat the small stuff. If she wants to go to school without a coat - who cares.

DO keep after SS looking for some financial support. Maybe there's a way around it by being an official foster parent.

WhyOhWhy
Fuming
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Re: Hate my SIL & Niece

Post by WhyOhWhy » Tue Mar 09, 2021 10:12 pm

Having been adopted myself, I think it would be better for your niece if she were not referred to as "the thing", and instead in a situation where she can receive all the love in the world, which she clearly sorely needs.

She's probably been through a lot and is naturally acting out thanks to a lifetime of pain, fear, and neglect. I'd say that if you don't think you're up for making your niece feel loved and wanted, you should probably talk to social services about getting your niece into a situation where she can be cared for and where you won't feel resentful.
*** The North Remembers ***

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