I Hate My Inlaws!

smeared for not hating my former sister-in-law

Posted on Sun, Oct. 07, 2018 at 07:27 pm

For over 20 years, my in-laws, the whole lot of them, have never been very nice to me. I could go years at family events never having been asked a question. I've been criticized to my face behind my husband's back while I listened to other in-laws be criticized just the same. They are arrogant and bigoted and haven't bothered to get to the family members who have married in.

Then came the bad news a few years a go: A brother-in-law had an affair, couldn't decide for years to stay or go (preferred to have both women), and was abusive verbally and physically to my sister-in-law. This brother in law thanked me for supporting and being sympathetic toward his wife (while he was trying to decide) then he turned the tables and threatened me to cut off all contact with her or he would throw me out of the family. Everyone else had cut off contact, but I was not going to isolate my sister-in-law through this time. So he smeared me, with the assistance of his very loud mouthed sister and father. They all claimed I was a liar on multiple occasions, and twice in from of my children. I tried to defend myself and my husband defended me, but nothing helped.

These people insist that I isolate someone that I have known for 20 years. They insist that they have control over who I can speak to—I am 45, not 6. They insist they "know" I have bad motives and with zero evidence. If I disprove what they say, they come up with something else I have done. They keep calling me a liar or "untruthful". It's maddening. Later this summer, my father-in-law asked twice that my husband divorce me or leave the family: "make a choice!". So my husband stopped calling them.

My husband and I did over a year of therapy to try and work through how to make any of this better. The more we defended ourselves the worse it got. We did "boundary setting" and it did not work, just pissed them off more, entrenched. Now I am no-contact. My husband is undecided, taking events as they come, but has missed most of them.

Not a single person in this huge family stood up against the smear. They all believe it, it seems.

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